I'm going to the gym. and getting my resume together asap, then off to the interview. I guess a cold shower is what will be needed to tone down the puffiness of my eyes.
Job, vets...please , I need some suggestions on the Dear Jane letter, interpretations, and possible responses.
To all of you who responded and gave me input
THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU ALL ! I am so in awe of you guys and this group. I'm going to shower and ball now
Then I'm going to put on my big girl panties. Pray, pray and pray some more, please. Thank you.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Bea posted this to you: "Thank him for letting you know, say you are very sorry that he has come to this decision, but acknowledge that it is his choice." Her suggestion is spot on and to the point. Do not add anything else to it. You are now entering in business negotiations.
You have some time to make decisions about moving, however, you will need to start looking. Your dogs are little and people may not have an issue w/them being small. Get through your interview, complete your project and then sit down and start making a list of what needs to be done. It's one step at a time.
Yes, she will need to consider getting a loan. As for the house, you can't afford to keep it. Just remember, home is where the heart is and you can find a nice place that is affordable for you to take care of. Your current home has a lot of yard work and the upkeep may be very expensive and he will not continue to pay for the upkeep.
Take care of yourself. Put your business hat on and start thinking w/your head and not your heart. I know I am sounding harsh this morning, but you've got to move out on your finances and get a lawyer. Don't sit back and think he'll change his mind because he won't. You are the only one that can take care of you right this minute.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Ambiv. I strongly agree with the others, just a simple acknowledgement stating that you are sorry and you realize that it's his choice.
When H told me that he was done, he was certain this time and he was leaving, I simply said to him, "I'm sorry that you feel that way. I don't feel the same way, but I respect your decision." That was IT. Then he left. After that, I treated him as a business partner only. And tried to keep up my PMA best I could.
Best of luck. Thinking of you!
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Bea posted this to you: "Thank him for letting you know, say you are very sorry that he has come to this decision, but acknowledge that it is his choice." Her suggestion is spot on and to the point.
I agree. Keep it simple. Acknowledge his choice. Leave it at that for now. You need to find your balance before discussing anything else with him.
Lots of love,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Ambivalent, You are in panic and shock mode and it's evident you aren't focusing on what posters have posted. Since you posted what you had received, posters have been providing advice and suggestions as to what to say and do. Breathe! Take some time this afternoon and read what they have posted. You will find that many have come here to offer support and advice to you. We will help you get thru this, but you need to SLOW DOWN a bit and read the postings.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, the yard is not an issue, and this is the only property. 5 dogs is 5 dogs. They bark and make noise because they are terriers. Believe me, with the credit and dogs...no, getting a place will not happen. I looked into it back in the Summer.
Pulling resources with my daughter, will allow us two vehicles if anything happens to one. It gives us a pool of support and we can labor on what we need to do. It also gives us a home until I can develop new credit. It's seven years in this state.
With some time, and teamwork I think we can do it.
I'm taking the advice. I will acknowledge the e-mail in 24-72 hours. I need to get my bearings. I need to interview more attorneys not just the one. I need to get a grip
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
I just wanted you to know I read the last two pages of postings. I'm so sorry. It is so painful at the holidays for such an email from H.
You've got lots of great advice and support. You're going to pull yourself together and acknowledge the email. You will get through this.
Just wanted you to know -- we don't know how/when your H will end his MLC. But I did hear the same things from my H:
I'm done I'm never coming back Sell the house Find a place to live Get a job -- you don't seem in a hurry And the emotional things he said too.
You have to move on like it is over for now...treat it/him like a business transaction, but the door will be open a teeny bit if he wants to come back.
Do protect yourself, your children, your interests.
You're on my heart today, Many hugs, rH
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Ambi, I'm new here but wanted to tell you I would give you the biggest hug right now if I could. My heart hurts when I see this happening even for others now. I am going through what you are now. H left in Feb. He's had no contact with me or our D11 except for 2 visits with her and then I got served papers the week before Thanksgiving.
Please find out what you are entitled to. Unfortunately in my state, all 4 attorneys I met with said it's too bad I wasn't a stay at home mom all these years because as it stands I won't get any maintenance. Find out everything and good luck.
Also H maintained for the entire separation that he would pay for D11 private school tuition and fees but when papers were sent he refused. A warning....they seem to change their attitude quickly so things he may be agreeing to now may change.....I'm only learning this as I go.
M:40 H:42 M: 12yrs BD: 2/1/13 H moved out: 2/22/13 D: 11 Divorce started 11/13
I'm in the same situation as you are. One thing to also consider with the house... annual taxes, insurance, and the costs of maintenance....
I did not want to have to look at all the financial stuff.I did not want to believe h could treat me so, but it has to become business
I know you like to read and research. so much to process right now...
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
