Is the stuff she's grabbing the last of what she has remaining?
Do you feel like she's attempting to make her final break soon?
Are you expecting papers soon, or is that you in your frame of mind thinking "this is it" soon?
What are you thinking my friend?
I cant remember you saying that either of you have even brought up the D word yet? Have you asked, do you need to ask, even for yourself? What answers to you need to have right now?
At this point, your floating, are you ok with where your at? do you need more answers right now? Sometimes we do, but understand its never the answer we're really hoping for, but its also something we need. I think by some of your comments you've lost that hope.
Do you need to have that final answer, one way or the other, to be able to really grieve and move on? Can you, are you willing to give it more time, for the sake of saying you gave it everything you could? Is that something that you need to do for yourself?
Do you feel like a failure? Are you afraid because this is happening a second time, that possibly your the problem in some strange way? Are you afraid to put your cards on the table again?
I really don't think the text was that bad of an idea to be honest, it was something YOU needed to do for yourself at the time. Its how you were feeling, own up to it. Maybe at 3am, the timing of it could have been better, but hey the idea wasn't bad, just the execution a tad.
I'm a bit curios about one thing thou, 25MLC, gave you some advice to maybe chase a little bit. You were very limited in that attempt, do you feel like it wouldn't get you anywhere, did you feel it would be pointless, did you feel it would make things worse? Is it that you've already made up your mind to the outcome, and are just trying to delay the process in some way?
Sorry buddy, I just threw a lot at you. The questions above are more for you to answer for yourself. Maybe getting your emotions out, here, can help. But if you want to hold on to those answers, I totally understand. You don't seem to journal here as much as you used to, and that's ok, I hope your doing it somewhere thou. Maybe holding onto it all, its why we've both failed at the full detachment, heck I dunno. I know I rarely, if at all post on my own thread anymore myself.
W is picking up mail which continues to come here. Her last thing is a bicycle and I wouldn't place too much significance in that.
Early on when w left it was like a D to her. She was totally done when she left.
We talked about how the divorce would go; We talked about how we would split stuff etc. but we never did any legal work. W doesn't need that for her to move on. If filing is left to her it could be years. The fact that she hasn't filed doesn't give me hope, but if she were to file it would be a HUGE statement. Like she met someone new and is sure she wants to be with that person And that person needs her to be divorced.
It took a very long time for her first divorce to get started; I think it was over three years and it was her husband who filed. I think most likely I will have to file to protect my assets.
I have no plans right now; I will rethink my position on that after the holidays.
I think I have gotten pretty good at not doing what doesn't work. And I have found a few things that worked a little.
I think 25mlc's point was that doing nothing gets me nowhere. I possibly needed to be bolder and less scared to act. I did do that over the summer when I invited w to Vegas with me. In the end that didn't work out. Still I could try again, but I think I need a better window of opportunity. And I may not get one. I tried a bit when she asked me for drinks for my bday. When she canceled the meeting (I had to message her to remind her before she canceled), I suggested that we try a weekend and she immediately shut down the next two possible weekends. She wasn't suggesting alternatives at that time so I felt like she may have been rethinking the drinks. It didn't feel like the right timing to suggest going to the ballet as 25mlc suggested.
When w and I were seeing each other every few weeks, I could have pursued a bit more. I wish I would have been more available when w contacted me asking for sex. I think if we would have had a good experience that may have tipped the balance towards me bit. Quite honestly, knowing my w, I think my most likely path back to her is if she opens the door to sex again and I can act like it is just meaningless no pressure sex. If I allow her to pursue and sex is involved she will likely get attached to me again.
I am considering sending some of the same kinds of texts that I was sending in May and June that seemed to work a little. I would think that those kind of get old after a while. It is interesting to note that she does respond better to things that are different ... Like that alien abduction text that I sent.
Over the past 10 months I have had the best success sort of creating openings for my w to pursue me. If I am available exactly when she is seeking me, we have had good times. When something gets canceled and I pursue she has backed off, but when I am not available at times she has pursued harder; other times she would disappear for weeks after something doesn't work out.
I am emotionally tired and I am not sure what else I can do at this point.
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
Would you trade spots with me if you could? I see my ex almost everyday, we do family stuff together, we've had one on one hangouts, I help her with groceries, our texts are fun sometimes, massages etc.
The reason I'm asking is because it seems like I'm supposed to go dark a bit. And I get that. I've gone that route before(first time she left). I'm just wondering if there is a sweet spot or happy medium or does it change depending on the stage of reconciliation you're at.
I guess I'm asking because it seems like people would kill to have some of the interactions I get. Therefore I feel like I want to get as much as possible or at least not take it for granted.
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
I remember those interactions I used to get. I'm not a fan of when they sound all business like. So impersonal.
I remember you saying you haven't figured out how to detach without losing hope. I'm no expert on detaching when my ex is single,BUT the second I find out she's dating, a switch flips in my head and pride takes over. During my db'ing, I throw pride out the window. Now about the hope thing... Here's what I say to myself all the time. "No one knows the future". There are a million different ways your life could go. Many of the paths are you being happy. Happy alone, happy with another woman, happy with your wife. I find comfort in not knowing what the future holds. If there is a glimmer of hope in there, take it.
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
She is separating out phone account. That is the only bill that we still split. She pays a (canceled) credit card bill that is in my name, I am on the title and loan to her car, and she is on title to my house. And we're still legally married. Those are the only things that tie us together.
It is not so much that she is separating the phone account, it is an accumulation of things that leads me to believe that something more is going on.
There have been ups and downs in my sitch, but things seem to be more steadily moving in a negative direction since mid October.
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
Hope is gone, just trying to come to terms with it all in some final way. Ready to move on, but wishing things had gone a different route.
Its ok friend, your gonna make it. You know that.
We're just gonna get thru the holidays, throw our cards back on the table again, and see what life deals us, right? We just need to give it all some time.
