or CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


Save your marriage singlehandedly!
Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching DISCOUNT
SAVE$30 -- 3-SESSIONS for ONLY $360
- valid until September 30

CALL 303-444-7004
or to order online at the Divorce Busting Store
use code SAVE$30

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11
Re: DIG DEEP DIG ON [Re: Ambivalent] #2414981
12/16/13 01:54 PM
12/16/13 01:54 PM
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,095
U.S.
A
Ambivalent Offline OP
Member
Ambivalent  Offline OP
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,095
U.S.
Mid-Life Crisis


" My husband went through a midlife crisis 3 years ago, at the very young age of 40! Prior to the crisis, I thought everything was perfect, we have 2 kids and I thought we would be together forever. Boy did I have a wake up call!
Buckle your seat belts, it was a very bumpy ride, one I do not wish on anyone.

My husband began to withdraw a bit. He slowly began to come home later and later from work, which led to occasional nights of not coming home at all. I in turn was becoming more and more angry. I would question his actions, and with little remorse, he would do it again in a few days.

I tried to sit and talk with my husband. I was starting to see coldness in his eyes. Like "No one" was inside. The once loving man, was gone. He did not know what he wanted.

The thing about midlife crisis is, there is NOTHING you can do, unfortunately. You can rant and rave and give ultimatums, and chances are he will leave. Nothing you do will change things, he needs to find his way through this, on his own.

After trying some tough love and realizing that wasn't getting me anywhere, I decided the only one I could control was myself, and that is what I did. I kept some distance, but treated him as I wanted to be treated. I was nice and kind and the loving person I have always been.

I have to tell you, I read article after article on the Internet, and nothing worked- I was now "winging it."

It ended up being the tool that brought him "back home." His crisis lasted almost 2 years, and there where many many days, I cried. I had no one to turn to. I had to keep living and getting on with life for the kids, but most of the time, I took it minute by minute. Even though I am not the most churchiest person, I did turn to the church for sanity!

In the end, he told me the reason he came back was because he realized how good of a person I am, and he will never find someone as forgiving and loving as I. He said I am impossible to leave.

I did hear what he said, and it makes sense- It is easy to leave someone being rude or hateful, but it is difficult to leave a kind person.

We are now 100% better than ever. We needed to go through this experience to get to where we are today. The relationship is now, in many ways, perfect. We both realize how lucky we are, and at anytime, someone you love can be gone. We appreciate each other and what we have together. We feel thankful for our family and home.

My advice is to hang in there if you can, and remember, you can not control how THEY act in a midlife crisis, the only thing you can control is your behavior! "


Formerly Workinprogress
H :55
M :over 29 yrs.
Together : 33
D : college
D : adult
BD and left : May 2013
Separated
Experimenting/Replay

Jan 2014...Let go of rope!


God grant me the serenity...
Re: DIG DEEP DIG ON [Re: Ambivalent] #2414984
12/16/13 01:59 PM
12/16/13 01:59 PM
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,095
U.S.
A
Ambivalent Offline OP
Member
Ambivalent  Offline OP
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,095
U.S.
AND MORE!

"

A is for anger, adultery, aggression and abandonment. If you're dealing with a male in midlife crisis, you're very likely to see all of these. Every male midlife crisis (MLC) has its own peculiarities but they have much in common too. Some wives and partners see the crisis developing over time; for others it's sprung on them one day when a previously apparently contented husband announces he's leaving because he needs "time and space." The Speech is a fairly standard feature of MLC. Your husband may tell you he loves you but is not in love with you any more. He'll probably list your faults - these excuse him walking away. He'll either tell you there's no-one else - usually a whopping lie - or else he'll tell you in a blasé fashion that yeh, there is someone else and what's it got to do with you really? Many MLC-ers reveal another woman in their lives who they say at first is "just-a-friend".
Stand well back

Often MLC is accompanied by overtly weird behaviour. It is very different from midlife transition in which people weigh up their position in life and rationally choose to make changes. Your husband will say and do things that seem completely out of character. Everything he's ever worked for and cared about may be rejected. His tastes and opinions will radically change. He'll have a huge sense of entitlement, feeling that life has short-changed him and now he deserves to have "everything I want." His panic at reaching middle-age drives fairly desperate and reckless behaviour and if he feels you or the children are in his way he'll walk right over you.

Many women respond to the aggression, strange behaviour and affairs which signal male midlife crisis with disbelief at first. Which is entirely understandable. Suddenly you're living with someone unrecognisable. Often, a wife's next instinct is to reason with him. Unfortunately, it's not possible. A man in midlife crisis has his own agenda and his thought processes are very screwed up. Where once he may have been the fount of logic and wisdom, he'll now come out with things that by any standard are just plain weird.

So the next response is often to try and advise him - to urge him to get help. But he's not listening. He may be about to steal from his company and run away with a teenaged hooker, but for the moment it makes a lot of sense to him.

Your best bet is to read as much as you can about MLC and understand - hard as it is - that this is not about you, or your home, or your kids - you're more than likely exactly the same people he used to love. Instead it's about an overwhelming panic experienced by some men around and after 40. It addles their brains and sets them off on a quest for a different life. Whatever the shape of the life they've lived up to now, they want something different, just to be sure they're not missing out. They typically have no insight whatever - no understanding that they're really chasing lost youth and they can't have it back even if they do have sex with someone young enough to be their daughter or become a beach bum or start going to nightclubs and dancing till 3am. Rather than coming to terms with ageing, which would require figuring out how they're feeling and why, they seek exterior solutions - rented accommodation away from their homes, drink or drugs, cars or bikes, new wives or mistresses. And often a new, 'younger' style of dressing and a gym subscription to get back the body they had in their twenties.

You can't control him. Let him go.

Women dealing with MLC husbands also often struggle to control them. You can't. The best you can do is decide what you will and won't put up with, as far as that's possible. For example, many men in crisis leave their families, but still keep their stuff at 'home'. If that doesn't suit you, you can give him a deadline for collecting it and tell him after that you'll put it in the street. Then the onus is on him to get his stuff. Many MLC-ers also keep a key and come and go as they want. A lawyer can advise you whether you have to accept that.

In more extreme cases, lawyers are essential (unfortunately) to try and stop a husband wrecking the family finances and acting in other abusive ways.

But apart from looking after your own practical and emotional interests as well as you can at this time - and MLC can last for years - the best advice is not to struggle to get him back. For one thing, he may not be worth having back now. And if he does eventually come out of the other side as someone remotely like the man you used to know, then he'll take steps to reconcile. If you've been looking after yourself, you'll be in a better position to deal with him at that point than if you've spent a year or two weeping, pleading and pursuing. For your own sake, let go of him emotionally because even if he does resurface, he'll be gone for some time. "


Formerly Workinprogress
H :55
M :over 29 yrs.
Together : 33
D : college
D : adult
BD and left : May 2013
Separated
Experimenting/Replay

Jan 2014...Let go of rope!


God grant me the serenity...
Re: DIG DEEP DIG ON [Re: Ambivalent] #2414987
12/16/13 02:03 PM
12/16/13 02:03 PM
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,095
U.S.
A
Ambivalent Offline OP
Member
Ambivalent  Offline OP
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,095
U.S.
When will she stop??

"

Male midlife crisis is different from a midlife transition in which a man typically weighs his achievements against his goals and considers whether he is happy or contented. Where the evaluation is mostly negative, decisions are taken to adjust or transform aspects of his life in a rational way. People going through a healthy midlife transition also take account of the feelings and interests of their family and friends.
Midlife Crisis - not the same as midlife transition

It's perfectly sensible to engage in this sort of evaluation. If you are unhappy in your job, dissatisfied with your marriage, feel you need to revamp your image or learn new skills then it makes sense to figure out a sensible way to address those issues.

Midlife crisis (MLC) is something else - as anyone who's been through one and come out the other side in one piece will tell you. Their friends and family will also tell you what a rocky ride it was, often ending marriages and friendships.

MLC is the subject of much debate within and outside the health and mental health professions. Some researchers believe it's a classifiable syndrome. Others think it's an expression of some other psychological illness such as depression or anxiety disorder.

MLC - suddenly your husband is a stranger

The partners of men going through MLC are frequently in little doubt that it's a form of mental illness. They are stunned as the previously stable men in their lives are transformed by an identity crisis which generates illogical and often uncontrolled behavior. So out-of-character does the behavior of husbands and fathers become that they are unrecognizable to their wives and children.

Infidelity often results from or feeds into the identity crisis which underlies MLC. But it's often only one element. Men in MLC typically become preoccupied with sex, often changing their tastes and habits dramatically. They develop a huge sense of 'entitlement', feeling they have a right to do and get anything they want. And they become rigidly self-centred. Anyone who is perceived as standing in their way can expect to be ignored or maltreated and sometimes physically attacked.

The midlife crisis male tries to go back in time

The evidence that they are ageing triggers panic in the MLC-er. As they look for an impossible solution to getting older, they're prone to try increasingly desperate measures: frenetic exercise, reckless overspending, too much drinking, drug abuse, age-inappropriate clothes, night-clubs, acquisition of the obligatory Ferrari, Porsche or Harley Davidson, and frequently a young girlfriend or a string of affair partners.

Because they are not able to cope with ageing, usually through a sense of failure or inadequacy relating to youthful goals, they attempt to go back in time: to dress as they used to, to date young girls as they used to, to dance all night as they used to. It's as if they suddenly realize twenty or thirty years have passed and they're not 21any more. Suddenly they're driven to try and return to their youth.

Laurent - a 55 year old in midlife crisis

Midlife has destabilized them. And once they lose a grip of the identity they've carved out over the past twenty or thirty years, literally anything can happen. The first casualty is their sense of reason; the next is often their family.

Lisette and Laurent were married for 28years and it seemed they had it all. A beautiful daughter, handsome son, beautiful home in the south of France, no money worries, common interests. In his mid-fifties, Laurent went out and bought a red Ferrari. Friends teased him that he was having a midlife crisis but seriously underestimated the signal.

Within months he'd run off with a south American girl 30 years younger than himself. Suddenly he'd thrown away the life, home and family he'd carefully built up over decades, devastating his wife and children. And staking everything on a girl younger than his daughter with whom he had no language in common. Despite the pleadings of his children and the fact that his already slim wife rapidly lost weight and became seriously ill, he was set on breaking up the family. When asked about the age gap between himself and his girlfriend - 30 years - he looked confused and said: "I know there is a gap - but I can't see it."

Living with his new girlfriend, he is now poised to start a second family but is not entirely decided. He has said he may settle with her and have children "if she is honest". His MLC reasoning prevents him from seeing that posing the question to himself and others indicates a problem and lack of trust in the new relationship. He is not able to evaluate whether or not this young girl is a gold-digger or a genuine partner.

Family breakdown during midlife crisis

His family meanwhile look on in horror. Lisette has moved into a apartment and is trying to rebuild her life. She goes to the house when Laurent is not there. Laurent meanwhile goes to the house when Lisette is not there. He has never brought the girlfriend with him. The children go on their own or when one or other parent is there. They can no longer see the parents together or meet all together as a family. They do not ever want to meet the girlfriend and both feel a visceral disgust that she is younger than they are. They are profoundly disappointed in their father.

The future looks equally awkward and painful. There will most likely be a divorce and property will have to be divided. Laurent may produce half-siblings for his son and daughter, against their wishes. If his children have children before he does, his grandchildren will have half-uncles and/or aunts younger than themselves. Lisette and Laurent will always have to manage co-grandparenting around a second family.

As regards Laurent himself, time will tell whether he will look back on his midlife crisis with regret or not. Perhaps he occasionally wonders whether his girlfriend will still be around when he's 69 and she's still in her thirties..."


Formerly Workinprogress
H :55
M :over 29 yrs.
Together : 33
D : college
D : adult
BD and left : May 2013
Separated
Experimenting/Replay

Jan 2014...Let go of rope!


God grant me the serenity...
Re: DIG DEEP DIG ON [Re: Ambivalent] #2414992
12/16/13 02:16 PM
12/16/13 02:16 PM
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,095
U.S.
A
Ambivalent Offline OP
Member
Ambivalent  Offline OP
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,095
U.S.
Whatever you do ...Don't move to Spain!

"
Flag

Post a comment

"I've got a great idea - let's totally dismantle our lives!"

Gillian and Robin were married for 15 years. They had a great home in New York. After meeting as undergraduates they both went on to achieve doctorates. He was a professor of molecular biology and she was a researcher in neuroscience. Their marriage seemed pretty good. Neither had wanted children and they enjoyed the freedom they had outside their busy careers to give one another attention.

Then one weekend Robin announced at dinner that he wanted then both to quit their jobs, sell the house, leave New York and move to Spain. Gillian was completely astonished. Neither one of them had ever so much as holidayed in Spain and neither spoke a word of Spanish. They'd met and married in New York, they worked in New York, their home and friends and relatives were right there in the city. Their whole life, in fact, was in New York.

But Robin revealed more and more excitement about the idea of leaving. He didn't exactly try to convince her it was a good idea - it was more that he simply kept enthusing about how much he wanted to do it. "I'm 50" he'd say. "If I'm ever going to have a real adventure, it's now or never."

He seemed to want this so badly that Gillian decided after a while that, despite serious misgivings, she'd go along with it.

They resigned the well-paid posts they had loved so much, sold the home they'd lovingly created, bid farewell to friends and family - and went to Barcelona. The Catalan city is of course beautiful, chock-full of Gaudi's flamboyant buildings, busy tapas bars and wild nightlife. Robin seemed hyper-stimulated by everything he saw - the architecture, the Spanish, the food... This was the new life he'd dreamed of.

They moved quickly from a hotel to a rented flat outside the centre and had their two cats shipped over from the US.

Although Gillian felt disorientated by the new culture and foreign language, she made positive efforts to settle. She started to learn Spanish and made the flat comfortable. Robin meanwhile found a job at one of the Barcelona's universities and for a while they explored and enjoyed the city together.

Not for long.

Gill answered her phone one day, mid-morning, and it was Robin. He asked her to come to his lab, now. "There was something strange in his tone. He sounded a bit hyper." But she went, thinking that maybe he'd found a great new place to go for lunch.

When she got there he took her out onto the lawn in front of the building and with no preamble told her the marriage was over. He added almost as an afterthought that he wanted to be single so he could have lots of casual sex with women he'd meet in online chatrooms.

Dazed, Gillian had the impression she was looking at a total stranger. She could hardly believe what he was saying. Nor could she believe the almost throwaway tone in which he was announcing the end of their marriage. Robin seemed not even to realize that what he had said was shocking. In acute midlife crisis, he was too high on the prospect of a new, single life.

In the following months, Gillian struggled to cope with this new bizarre turn in her life. Her previously stable husband and best friend had vanished, leaving her alone in an unfamiliar city on a continent she didn't know, where she had no income and couldn't speak the language. She couldn't fathom what had happened in her husband's mind. She realized now that everything about leaving America had been part of some seismic shift in Robin's identity. She also saw, looking back, that he'd been indirectly expressing anxiety about his age since before he turned fifty. Used to his stability and reliable nature, she hadn't seen the signs of the developing crisis.

Robin left most of his stuff at their flat when he moved out. Gillian continued to receive their joint bank account statements there and was horrified to see he was paying for internet porn site subscriptions, sleazy sex clubs and viagra. On the occasions when she managed to speak to him, he showed no remorse whatsoever for what he was doing. He was also aggressive that she was - inevitably - spending 'his' money to feed herself and their two cats. He showed no interest at all, either, in the pets he'd always made a huge fuss of.

When the 'brand new life' doesn't work out

For over a year Gillian battled to rebuild some sort of life in these shocking new circumstances. Robin told her he wanted a divorce and, unhappily, she agreed. For months they had minimal contact apart from brief emails about the divorce. He told her he wanted to give her as little financial support as possible. "Why didn't she get a job" he asked "and stop draining his finances?"

Then one day he sent an email asking to meet for lunch. They'd finalise details of the alimony so the divorce date could be set. Reluctant and very nervous, she went to the restaurant prepared to find him aggressive and opposed to the settlement being finalised by their lawyers.

To her complete astonishment, he proposed getting back together again and returning to the States. Dazed all over again, she said nothing but just watched and listened as he blithely proposed buying a home together in New York again and going back to their old jobs. Neither his tone nor his words indicated that the pair of them had been estranged for over a year or that he'd been repeatedly unfaithful, uncaring and cruel.

Gillian weighed her options after listening to Robin and some days later she took him back. "I just couldn't face the future alone" she says. "I'm far from certain that I can face a future with him either but I want to try to save the marriage. He's gone through some enormous identity crisis related to midlife and I hope he'll re-stabilise."

In fact, Robin is a long way from having emerged from his midlife crisis and Gillian would do well to protect herself from his chaotic behaviour. The problem is that she has accepted him back exclusively on his terms. He still has the classic totally self-centred outlook of MLC. And a typical sense of entitlement which leads him to feel his needs and desires must be met no matter what the consequences.

Like many men in MLC, he is trying to change external factors in his life rather than figure out and address the internal anxieties and panic he feels. That means he's seeking solutions in all the wrong places. The move to Spain was supposed to make him feel better about himself. It didn't work but his new answer is to move back to the US. He is still seeking relief by changing geographic location. He also hoped that dumping his wife and sleeping around would fill the scary void that opened up in his life in MLC. That didn't work either. He was still looking outside himself or 'self-medicating' as they say on the XXXXX website. Now back in the States, in his old job, he's likely to carry on thrashing about looking for new, reckless ways to feel better.

Unfortunately for Gillian - as for Robin - the rollercoaster ride of MLC looks set to continue..


Formerly Workinprogress
H :55
M :over 29 yrs.
Together : 33
D : college
D : adult
BD and left : May 2013
Separated
Experimenting/Replay

Jan 2014...Let go of rope!


God grant me the serenity...
Re: DIG DEEP DIG ON [Re: Ambivalent] #2414995
12/16/13 02:23 PM
12/16/13 02:23 PM
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,095
U.S.
A
Ambivalent Offline OP
Member
Ambivalent  Offline OP
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,095
U.S.


This one is for those who are dealing with flash backs and triggers.

"


Twenty-one years ago, Ryan ran away with another woman, a colleague he'd been having an affair with for some months. He left his wife of twelve years, Caroline, alone with their ten-year old daughter, five-year-old son and six-week old baby daughter. The baby had been born on Christmas Eve.
Caroline filed for divorce.

Ryan returned after two years in which the couple had functioned awkwardly as co-parents. After a year they remarried, and the family has been reunited for nineteen years.

Last Christmas, however, the family, along with in-laws, was having a drinks party and the youngest daughter's 21st birthday and Caroline drank too much. With no apparent trigger, she began talking about the period of separation. Before long she found herself weeping and ranting about the pain of those years, what a bastard Ryan had been and how miserable the kids had been.

Ryan remained pretty quiet, sorrowfully saying that he didn't feel this was the time to have this discussion.

But Caroline continued that it hadn't been a convenient time either to be left alone with three little kids. It wasn't her fault he'd had an affair and run off with his mistress and yet she felt her older daughter in particular had blamed her for the abandonment and not Ryan.

One of the underlying problems here was that the couple had had problems with their oldest daughter ever since the family break-up. A sweet girl, far from difficult or off the rails, Hannah has nevertheless been distant from her mother growing up because she resented her accepting Ryan back into the home and then remarrying him. She had been convinced by Caroline's frequent assertions that, as a family, they would never take him back and then Caroline U-turned and did take him back. Hannah had felt betrayed or fooled by her mother ever since. Ironically Hannah and her father get on very well.

A second problem for Caroline is that their only son developed a fixation about fathers and fatherhood when Ryan left the family. This continued after his return and, direct consequence or not, the boy became a dad himself at 18 and gave up his plan of going to university.

A third issue that surfaced on that Christmas Eve was Caroline's continuing resentment of the other woman. She lives in the same area and with the same husband and now has children of her own that she didn't have at the time of the affair with Ryan.Caroline remains angry at the other woman and bitter that she went on, in Caroline's view, to build a nice little family that has never known the grief of separation or divorce. She resents too that the other woman has never had to find out what it's like to be abandoned with three small children.

Even where a husband in midlife crisis returns to his wife and the family remains re-united for twenty years it is still clearly possible for old wounds to re-open. The extent of the fallout between a couple and within a family after midlife crisis affairs and divorce is unforeseeable. It can last a long time beyond the acute crisis phase. "


Formerly Workinprogress
H :55
M :over 29 yrs.
Together : 33
D : college
D : adult
BD and left : May 2013
Separated
Experimenting/Replay

Jan 2014...Let go of rope!


God grant me the serenity...
Re: DIG DEEP DIG ON [Re: Ambivalent] #2415062
12/16/13 05:17 PM
12/16/13 05:17 PM
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 866
W
Whiterose Offline
Member
Whiterose  Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 866
You've been posting such great info!!! thank you:)

Enjoy your list today.....you go girl


M 16 T 20
M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15
Bomb drop April 4;
Moved out April 13
D started-full force
-----------------------
Dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and
you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Re: DIG DEEP DIG ON [Re: Whiterose] #2415086
12/16/13 06:22 PM
12/16/13 06:22 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
US
B
BrightFuture Offline
Member
BrightFuture  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
US
Wow, Ambiv, you’ve been busy posting all this. Thank you for that.

Well, if I apply all I read here to my H, he doesn’t feet most of it. With the exception of being concerned about his age and trying to party like a teenager. But, he doesn’t try to dress younger, and he didn’t change his personality to be the opposite.

“Midlife crisis is nothing like a reasoned midlife transition where an individual decides to make adjustments to an unsatisfactory life. Most people take stock at midlife and many decide to make changes. Whether they change their partner, decide to divorce and end their marriage, look for a new job or career or alter other aspects of their life, the changes are thought through. They may not always be wise changes and they won't always work out - but they're not made in the same way that people in MLC make changes.” – I think this is where my H fits the most. I guess I have to abandon the hope that he will “wake up” one day, because it does seem that his decision to end the M is a long thought and rational…


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Re: DIG DEEP DIG ON [Re: BrightFuture] #2415205
12/16/13 09:40 PM
12/16/13 09:40 PM
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,095
U.S.
A
Ambivalent Offline OP
Member
Ambivalent  Offline OP
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,095
U.S.
Brightness,

Don't forget that confusion is the major trait. Those above were some extremes. They kind of make me feel a bit better, or should I say..." it could be worse! ".


Mine fits MLC to the tee. Major confusion, doesn't know what he wants, wishes he had done some things differently, wishes he had saved, he loves me, he's not physically attracted, he kisses and hugs me, sneaks glances, doesn't want to live a separate life , is living a separate life.
Not sure where this is going, knows what he doesn't want.

He's all over the place, I'm not dating, but has a ton of Viagra, and has taken it. Other stuff too.

Cycling up and down. Contact, no contact. Puts gas in the SUV, propane in the tank.

I've just come to the conclusion that whatever happens happens. Do I like it , uh, Hell to the NO!

But I've got to focus on myself. I'm learning as much as I can, just like I learned about ADHD, OCD, Depression, Anxiety, highly gifted children, yadda yadda yadda.

Does it svck to be dealing with this? Do I reeeeally have to answer that?

I just figure, like I've had to do in the past crisis' , make the best of it.

I'm going to learn from every negative situation, and so far, I know what to look for in any other possible relationship.

Think about that! We know, look to see if their parent's are still married. Listen to them about their relationship with their parent's , past AND present. Do they have any of the following: motorcycle, sports car, boat, gym membership, and how long have they had them? How long were they married? Did they "grow apart"? Is he looking for the " soul mate "?
Do they want to p a r t y ? Do they speak in teenage tongue?

At this point I'm actually laughing about this. Go on a dating website...it is somewhat sad, and hilarious at the same time. Don't get me wrong, I see the pain; if you don't have a sense of humor madness will set in.

I'm a worker. Meaning I know marriages take work, doing something well takes work, succeeding takes work. I went from not being able to draw a stick figure to drawing portraits. I went from not getting a tennis ball over the net to acing opponents. I went from not knowing a thing about textile art to winning awards with my creations and got juried into shows!

I think I can do this. I'm not a quitter, never thought he was, but maybe he is now...who knows? I know my daughters are going to see the fight rather than flight in their mother.

I've always been a survivor, had to when younger and I will again. He can join me or not. I'm not going to lose my daughters, or my health over what he's doing.

It's a shame that he is allowing his fear of the future to eat his today.


Formerly Workinprogress
H :55
M :over 29 yrs.
Together : 33
D : college
D : adult
BD and left : May 2013
Separated
Experimenting/Replay

Jan 2014...Let go of rope!


God grant me the serenity...
Re: DIG DEEP DIG ON [Re: Whiterose] #2415208
12/16/13 09:45 PM
12/16/13 09:45 PM
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,095
U.S.
A
Ambivalent Offline OP
Member
Ambivalent  Offline OP
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,095
U.S.
Why thank you Blanca de la Rosa!

It's time to knuckle down.

Got to the office store for the project, pet store to get food for the wee bairn, craft store for boxes and tissue. I passed up on buying a hamburger, for having ice cream tonight!

I've shredded old wrapping paper and tissue to put in the gift boxes, and now I'm off to the gym!

Toodle to the loo!


Formerly Workinprogress
H :55
M :over 29 yrs.
Together : 33
D : college
D : adult
BD and left : May 2013
Separated
Experimenting/Replay

Jan 2014...Let go of rope!


God grant me the serenity...
Re: DIG DEEP DIG ON [Re: Ambivalent] #2415230
12/16/13 10:26 PM
12/16/13 10:26 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
US
B
BrightFuture Offline
Member
BrightFuture  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
US
Ambiv, I like your spirit. I always come to your thread to read your posts, you express yourself so well.

I’m with you here when you talk about any possible relationship. I will definitely be looking for all the signs.

I know you posted the MLC information that shows some extremes. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with it. My H for the most part has been sticking to his decision of moving on with his life without me. I see some contradictions sometimes in his behavior, but nothing major to give me even slightest hope that he could change his mind.

I’ve always been a strong person too, and I will survive this, no doubt about it.


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004