Wow, I'm sure a lot of you have been hit with this winter storm but it sure has been a doozy! On Thursday they were predicting nasty icy roads for Friday, so our office stayed closed Friday. Good thing too, because the roads were terrible. I slept in Friday and got up to quite a shock- most of my trees had branches hanging down to the ground, weighed down because they still had leaves on them and those leaves were now coated with a 1/4" layer of ice! I had several large broken branches including one huge one blocking my drive. It was 26 and there was more freezing rain in the forecast for that night, so I was really worried my trees would be damaged even more. So instead of spending the day watching movies and playing PS3 games next to a toasty fire as I had planned, I spent it outside with a chainsaw, bowsaw and shovel freezing my tail off trying to save my trees! I beat as much ice off of them as I could with the shovel, then trimmed 2-3' off each branch to lighten the load. That was enough to get the branches from dragging the ground back up to 4' or so. Still drooping, but not in danger of breaking. Saturday it was even colder (20). I broke out the chain saw and cut the broken branches out of the trees to lighten the load on "good" branches. Also cut up the branch on the drive enough to move it. After that I had enough time to put out the Christmas stuff inside the house before W brought the kids over for my week. So much for a relaxing weekend I think the trees are going to be OK though, it got above freezing yesterday and as the ice melted off the branches started popping back up. There are some holes due to the broken branches, but hopefully they'll fill back in next year.
Originally Posted By: subguy
That describes my situation to a tee... no emotion at all. Funny thing is her father does the same thing, when angry at someone he disown's them and will refuse to speak at all for years. Coincidence??
Interesting. My MIL is about emotionless as they get. She's almost like an automaton or something. Her H died of MS (when W was in high school) and W told me MIL would cry on the back porch every evening for years. I sometimes wonder if she eventually just turned the "feelings" switch off. She remarried, and her H was really a nice guy, very emotional, always telling her he loved her and how happy he was to have her in his life. I never, ever saw or heard her reciprocate. I wouldn't say W was like that before BD, but after? Yeah, at least towards me, and at least a little towards the kids too.
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What kind of life/relationship should we have? One full of second guesses and constant worry about what was said or a life where our SO accepts that we are all not perfect, forgives and tries to improve...
Well said!!! I think it's the WAS's inability to forgive that is so perplexing to me, not just in my sitch but in most sitches here. I mean clearly there are some seriously changed people here that have become the spouses only a fool would leave, yet their WAS's just refuse to bend their position even a tiny bit.
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As long as that is how you feel and not a ploy to force her back and from your post's I don't think it's a tactic...
I have most certainly done things to try to get her back in the past and (obviously) none of them worked. I ran out of tricks and ploys long ago, LOL! This time I thought about it quite a while before saying anything to make sure I wasn't doing it out of some misguided notion of getting her to change her mind.
Originally Posted By: kate's_place
Good for you. On our way to closure, aren't we?
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have closure! I can be detached and I can move on, but closure is elusive And that's OK. My grandfather (dad's dad) died when I was a kid. My grandmother didn't die until over 30 years later, but she never had "closure" I wouldn't say. She never did want another R or M, he meant that much to her. Even 30 years later she couldn't talk about him without tearing up. She never stopped missing him. But she lived a happy life, so it wasn't a bad thing.
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Your kids will be okay, imo, I wouldn't get back with WAS for the kids. I am at the point where I want it all (a little greedy). I'm willing to wait, be it my H or someone else, but I couldn't do it "for the kids" simply because I don't think I am strong enough or graceful enough and my love tank would empty real fast.
You're right of course, what good is there in staying together if the love tanks are always empty. It's not like the kids wouldn't notice. And would they even trust the M again after BD? Probably not. But just to be clear, I never said I would get back together for the kids, I said I would be willing to "try" for the sake of the kids. In other words, if not for the kids I'm to the point where I would file for D myself. When I think about how cold and unloving my W has been for years, and when I think about the R that I really want, I don't think she's capable of providing it. But, we do have kids and for their sake I would at least be willing to try. Not move back in, but date and go to counseling to see where things go. But W would have to want to try as well and I don't think she ever will.
Originally Posted By: littleGTO
Hello, AS. Back for a visit to my friends tonight!
Hey T, thanks for stopping by
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I think it was a necessary step for you to send that letter to your STBXW. It WAS for you and I think you will have peace knowing that you've stated everything you needed to say-- left no stones unturned, if you will!
Yes, and ever since sending it I do feel greater peace than I did before.
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Again, so many, many similarities in our situations!!! So, I can relate to where you are in lots of ways. I have always seen strength and conviction in your posts.
Thanks! Sometimes (as you know) being strong is easy, and other times it takes a tremendous amount of work. I used to think that strong people were just born that way, but I guess it really is true that you have to be brought through the fire to be made strong. Not that I'd wish this on anyone! But if we have to go through it we might as well come through the other side as chiseled iron rather than a puddle of sticky goo, LOL!
I forgot to mention that I asked W how her bouts of forgetfulness were going and she said better. She said they took her off the anti-depressants she's been on for 10+ years and put her on different ones. She said that during the transition (moving from one A/D to the other) that she was practically falling apart, but she feels better now.
S10's bday is in a couple of days. His BIG present is a minibike which is on a freight truck somewhere between here and CA. Because of the weather I have my doubts it's going to get here on time!! We're having a quick party for him Thursday and then a sleepover Friday. He wanted W to be there for the party (I have the kids this week) so I told her she was welcome to come. She said she'll take care of the cake.
Interesting side story- I was talking to one of the guys at the gym last night and we got on the subject of his WAW. He said his ex was getting heavy into drugs and alcohol, so he spent 50,000 bucks trying to get sole custody of his kids and in the end the court game them 50-50 custody. Then his ex went on a bender, abandoned the kids to him and left the state. He hasn't heard from her in 2 years. Just goes to show that no matter how much you spend or how good your evidence is you never know what the courts are going to do.
Time to update my sig again, S10 is S11 now! His bday was last Thursday and it was my week to have the kids. He had bball practice that day as well, so we decided to let him open his presents before practice, then go to dinner after practice. I told W she was welcome to join and she volunteered to make cupcakes for the bball team to hand out at practice.
Then we had a sleepover Friday night, I told W she was welcome to come over if she wanted, but if she didn't then that was fine too. She said she did want to come and offered to buy pizza and cake. Sounded good to me! W got there at around 7 pm and left around 10 pm, I finally crashed at 1:30am and the boys were still up. I woke the next morning to a house that looked like had been the venue for a frat party- empty soda cans, toys, games, clothes, etc. spread from one corner to the other. Kids were crashed on the couch, the floor and in chairs. LOL! They had fun though
D19 is on winter break from college and has been staying with me since she got home last Thursday. I took her and her bestie to Dark Hour, a haunted house in Plano. They're doing a Christmas-themed haunt called "Wreck the Halls". It was very nicely done, we had a great time there! We've also caught up on some shows I had recorded for her and watched a couple of movies. She's going to W's tonight.
I have the kids next week for Christmas. I took the week off, so it'll be nice to get to spend a lot of time with them. Need to come up with some fun activities, hopefully the weather holds out! I'm taking all the kids to a painting class on Saturday, two of us are painting Santas and the other two snow men. One set will be for my house and the other set will be Christmas presents from the kids to W. W invited herself over Christmas day which was fine with me, so we're all going to open presents together.
No news on the D papers since the last time I mentioned it. That was the week of Thanksgiving, W said she was supposed to meet with the lawyer and finalize things. Maybe she decided to wait until after Christmas.
Thank you F I really feel for the people here who are suffering through the holidays because of their sitches, I would love to see more people turn that around and have fun IN SPITE of their sitches. Personally I've always loved the holidays and despite my sitch I had a great Thanksgiving with family and am looking forward to a wonderful 10 days off work for Christmas and New Years and spending much of that with the kids I've got the house decorated inside and out, I had a lady friend over that said it looked like Martha Stewart had been here, LOL! There will be movies watched, video games played, board games and cards on the floor next to the fire, hot chocolate consumed, stories told, etc. etc. What's not to love about the holidays?
Just remembered something else I forgot to mention. W still takes her dog to OM's house every day and goes to OM's after work to pick the dog up, and yes, she does often "linger" there. D17 called me a couple of evenings ago and was really angry because she had been trying to call W to find out what was for dinner and W wasn't responding and D17 knew she was at OM's. I offered to get take-out and bring it to her (she was neck-deep in homework). When I went by it was around 7:15 and W was still not there. D17 was in tears, said she felt like W doesn't care, and she was frustrated with her homework and really hungry. D19 was with me and between the two of us we were able to calm her down and help her through her homework (she was doing physics equations that I swear I didn't see until I was in college). W didn't get there until around 8:00 and we were still helping D17 with her homework. Anyway, still a lot of friction between D17 and W. W did text later and thanked me for helping D17.
Originally Posted By: 2old
So it's MS not AS now.....
Sorry, that sailed right over my head, the only MS I can think of is multiple sclerosis?
Hahaha! The lady that made the Martha Stewart comment was giving me crap for baking cookies that evening too, although in my defense they were those "guy cookies" that come in a box that you just slap down on a cookie sheet and bake, LOL!
Are you an "Old Fairy"?? I called my Dad this when I'm in a joking mood as he always loved to cook and decorate. You've had it pretty good with MS. Coulda been worse, ya know.
I think the trees are going to be OK though, it got above freezing yesterday and as the ice melted off the branches started popping back up. There are some holes due to the broken branches, but hopefully they'll fill back in next year.
