I hate to be the pooper in the room but if you talk about thanksgiving you need to talk about Christmas as well- at the same time.
At this point you are running a business. You are the CEO. He is beginning negotiating- negotiate both holidays right now.
wrap up the next three months so you can plan around them for yourself.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
So, my H texted me that he wanted me to go to her house for THanksgiving with the boys. I was shocked he offered this. His sister and his dad are his only family. He said he did NOT have other plans & that's not why he was offering...he said he didn't want me to be alone.
That last line irks me, like he's doing this out of pity for poor, lonely you. Have you worked out holiday visitations yet? If so, is it your H's turn to have the kids on Thanksgiving? Regardless, I'd be inclined to tell him "thanks but I'm making my own plans." And then make some really great plans
In years past our tradition was always to go to MIL's place. Last year my W took the kids there, WITH OM. I thought that was pretty incredible. Anyway, inviting W to Thanksgiving with us this year is obviously not on the menu. I'm taking the kids to my mom's (a few hours away) instead. I'm not doing it to spite W, this is just the "new normal" since we're S'd and soon to be D'd.
Thanks for the holiday advice...I agree we need to look at the bigger picture-Thanksgivng and Christmas...now & in the years to come. I would like to have us both there on the holidays but the tension when we are in the same room now is difficult to withstand. I'd rather now...I like what you said, ruby...start new traditions...hmmmmm
We haven't negotiated ANYTHING yet. We haven't even filed yet. We haven't even gone to the mediators yet either, although I scheduled then called today to reschedule because of a conflict.
I am nervous about negotiations..because I know I am going to lose time with the boys AND i know that there will be tension and hurt feelings and sadness all over again.
BUt, I am ready to get this started, so it can be over. The marriage, I mean. I know I will need to have a positive co-parenting R with him...but I think that ultimately we will be able to rise to the occasion for the sake of the children.
My life is moving forward, as I've said. I am now dating. I went on two "first dates" that didn't materialize to anything, then a third "first date" (all in the past 2 weeks). The third guy (I'll call him the pianoman...because he is an amazing pianist) and I really hit it off. We have talked (yes, talked!) on the phone for hours and hours and hours. A second date is on the agenda soon!
I just have to figure out the WHEN of dating with my boys' busy schedules and the fact that I have them 6/7 days a week! LOL!! A nice, new problem to have!!!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Thanks, ruby! Glad to hear you are dating your H!!
H and I talked today about the holidays. He seems fine with me taking the boys to his SIL's...I am seeing her tomorrow so will feel this out. I have NO family nearby and his family is still being very supportive of both of us so I see no reason why me & the boys wouldn't be able to attend UNLESS I feel there is some hesitation about this arrangement with her.
As for Christmas...we have 12 days off of school for the holidays. My H said to take the boys whenver I wanted for Christmas (to the midwest where my family lives). He said this is their tradition and he did not see any reason why this couldn't continue. Again, I was shocked at his flexibility!
I gave him a compliment (in DBing style) today about how I appreciated his efforts to maintain contact and responsibility where the boys are concerned. He said thanks and even let me a note on the counter that said my compliment meant a lot to him.
On the dating scene news...I am going to see pianoman again tomorrow night for a short date. Am very excited! We have talked more on the phone and he is seriously wooing me (sent me three videos today of him playing songs on his keyboard that I mentioned I like)! Very sweet...am enjoying the positive attention!
And the beat goes on...!!!! LOL!!!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
That's really cool that he left you a note in response to you compliment. I'm glad he's being flexible, I hope the positivity between you too continues! Pianoman man sounds nice as well.....
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Hold onto that PMA, you might be in for a ride. A combination of your realization, piano man, holidays and H may throw you some turns and twists you’re not expecting. Not trying to be negative, just honest.
You sound happy and that is what matters. I am happy for you
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Just catching up. It sounds like you are doing really well. It is nice to hear that you are finding some happiness. I don't have much to add, other than saying, "good for you, Turtle". I am happy for you!
