uR, You and your friend are right, the board has changed. It's not way it use to be. When I came here long ago, the people here were just beginning to understand MLC. We all took the time to research the various issues such as depression, personality disorders, abuse issues, etc. to be better understand what may have been the ingredients that helped the pot bubble forth.
We didn't have the luxury of a MLC Archives as we do today. One of the things that I did to help me better understand MLC and cope w/the situation, was to read everything I could get my hands on, i.e., the items I mentioned in the first paragraph. Doing the hard homework and learning to accept that I couldn't change the course of my xh's mlc was the hardest thing that I ever learned...but one thing I did not do and that is to become a victim. I stood strong and fought for myself, to save myself from going down the Yellow Brick Road w/him.
BTW, I can remember having my as$ kicked too. Posters were tougher and spoke their minds. Yes, we got our feelings hurt, but we learned to look within because outsiders could see things that we couldn't because we were too close.
Life isn't a bed of roses, but one mixed w/some weeds that are attempting to strangle the roses. When the crisis hits, we have the option to either weed the rose bed or allow the weeds to continue to grow and kill the beautiful roses. I think most that post here are more than willing to do the weeding so that their roses will continue to thrive. So, w/that being said, I urge posters to do the hard work of educating yourselves about what is going on, not just by posting, but reading the postings of others on the current forum, as well as reading the postings in the MLC archives. There is a lot of good information there just waiting to help you plot your journey.
You, the poster, will be the one to determine how your journey progresses and the final outcome will be of your choosing.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
For those of you new to this, I just wanted to say a few things.
Although it is hard to see through all the heartache this causes, try to find compassion for your spouses. They clearly are not the people they once were. They are in pain, too. Unbearable pain, at times.
Imagine for a moment, feeling as if your life is out of control. You are deeply unhappy. You dont know why. You just know that you want the hurting to stop.
You try everything you can, and it is still there. You become someone opposite of who you are. It is still there. You lash out at your spouse, alienate your children, act out, regress. And still the deep sadness continues.
They feel as if they are swimming in a lake of mud. Trying to get out, flailing about, unable to reach the shore.
I know their actions are devastating. I do. I know there are times when you are so angry with them, so disappointed, so deeply pained.
And I absolutely understand when you cannot take it any longer.
Until then, remember their pain, too. Allow them what they need. Space, time, no pressure. Let them walk their journey on their own. It is the only way they can get to the other side.
Take the opportunity to find you. Become strong. Become who you were meant to be.
Yes, we did have some great fun back in the day. We got our hands smacked quite a bit...but we learned the lessons that we needed to learn. We are survivors no matter what.
Things sure have changed around here.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Who can forget the pool boys? We really did have a great bunch of posters back in the day. We could have our little parties here and in the real world. Why we were even able to put other sites and our email addresses here. It was just a different time and now w/all of the identity theft, stalking, etc., you just never know.
I can still remember having my fingers whacked a few times and my feelings hurt, but you know what? I was determined to show the posters that I could tackle my issues and I didn't allow what they said to keep me down very long. Boy, those were the days!
I guess we'll have to a search for some new pool boys pretty soon!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
