Darn it, I screwed up the quotes on that last, should read like this:
Originally Posted By: Tina825
AS, thank you for the insight. Other things he has done to make me think MLC is withdrawn, depression, anger, wanting to lose weight, wanting to color his hair, not feeling he is good enough socially, not feeling he is successful enough in society. He just recently turned 45.
Yeah, he could be MLC. I think pretty much everyone goes through an MLC phase, but for many it's just a period of reflection rather than full-blown crazy monster alien MLC.
Originally Posted By: Tina825
He said "You don't want me to come home?" Remember - I've already told him 4 times what he has to do to even begin this healing process, which is NC with OW where I can witness it.
Is he still involved with OW? If so then you're right, this is all a non-starter and it's pointless for him to even say such things if he can't even comply with your most basic boundary (break it off with OW).
I haven't asked a word about OW, YET. I just told him several times what I need in order to even begin to heal and move forward. If I decide to go to lunch today, that will be the topic, unfortunately, I do not want to discuss OW, but it's obvious he's not going to bring that subject up unless I do.
Guess we'll see where this goes today.
Thanks AS. Have a great day.
Me-49, H-45 M - 4, Together 9 SS-9 Bomb Dropped - 9/12 Separation - 10/12 Reconcile -2/13 Separation - 8/2013 Reconcile - 10/2013 Separation - 12/2013 Reconcile - 2/14 Separate - 5/14 H Filed D - 8/14
So, did the lunch thing with H. He was asking if I would give him another chance. I told him I wasn't sure what I wanted at this point because I'm not ready to give it my all and get hurt again. That we need to work on what was broke and bury the old M.
I again reiterated that he has to make that phone call in order for me to even BEGIN this process of healing. He agreed to do so. Phone call is suppose to happen this evening after S goes to bed.
H states he hasn't talked to OW in over a week, did not answer her calls and did not answer her texts. He showed me a text from Tuesday from her that said "I guess you not answering my calls or texts for the last week tell me where I stand. I hope your happy in your life, which I'm sure you will be. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough (story of my life). I will be looking for work in (another city FAR from here), and I wish you well.
We will see how this goes after phone call. I still have been very reserved and not showing or actually feeling any emotion at this point.
Me-49, H-45 M - 4, Together 9 SS-9 Bomb Dropped - 9/12 Separation - 10/12 Reconcile -2/13 Separation - 8/2013 Reconcile - 10/2013 Separation - 12/2013 Reconcile - 2/14 Separate - 5/14 H Filed D - 8/14
Nice Tina, good things happening in your sitch. I completely understand being reserved right now. I love the boundaries you laid out, you seem to really know what you want.
I wish you all the best in this current development. So what happened? Don't leave us hanging!
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Hey PM, good to see you. And yes I do know what I need and what I want. I have to stay strong this time.
Phone call to OW didn't happen yet as H was called out of town that evening. But he did forward me a message she sent him, which basically said, "What? Your not going to talk to me again?", and He replied, "That's right, leave me alone". He then let me know she had tried to call him twice and he didn't answer. Now tonight the phone call will happen since he will be coming back in town, if it isn't too late and he comes over here.
He is still asking if I will give him another chance, apologized for screwing up the last year of our lives, said he doesn't know what he was doing, but he know this, that he wants me if I'll allow him to show me the kind of H I deserve. He said he knows words are just words, but he has every intention on showing me that he deserves another chance.
Our MC suggested he get on anti depressant about six months ago, and I'm going to suggest he talk to his doctor about that. Also, after this phone call I will ask him to go to IC and MC. We will see how that goes over. Like I told him, I'm not here to punish him for the rest of his life, but I will be doing what is necessary to protect myself and will continue to do things that better me as a person.
I'm still reserved, got my wall built up, taking baby steps. S and I are suppose to take my Mother out for her 75th birthday on Thursday and H asked could he come along. I told him if he'd like to, where and what time we would be there. He is definitely calling me and pursuing me at this point. I do not even have to call his number at all. I have to admit, it's kind of nice, feeling wanted and knowing that I also have decisions to make in this situation.
Have a great evening!
Me-49, H-45 M - 4, Together 9 SS-9 Bomb Dropped - 9/12 Separation - 10/12 Reconcile -2/13 Separation - 8/2013 Reconcile - 10/2013 Separation - 12/2013 Reconcile - 2/14 Separate - 5/14 H Filed D - 8/14
H tried to make that phone call yesterday evening and OW wouldn't answer. I guess I'll have to wait on that, and it may never happen. I'm not going to have keep trying to call her.
Talked to H about anti-depressant and C. He's agreed to both. He is going out to dinner with us tonight. There's been more talk of reconciling on his part. He said he doesn't want to push me but would like to talk about the future.
Am checking out dance classes and the shooting range. Am excited about those things and am also checking out some craft projects that I might like to do. I am working on a pallet headboard for the beach house mermaid room and can't wait to see final product!
Hope everyone has a great day.
Me-49, H-45 M - 4, Together 9 SS-9 Bomb Dropped - 9/12 Separation - 10/12 Reconcile -2/13 Separation - 8/2013 Reconcile - 10/2013 Separation - 12/2013 Reconcile - 2/14 Separate - 5/14 H Filed D - 8/14
H and I started spending more time with each other and staying the night together and talking ALOT, about everything and he was so sweet and everything had been progressing well until two days ago. All of a sudden, H is withdrawing. I ask what's wrong and he claims that since my D(18) hasn't changed (Mind you she doesn't live here anymore) that he knows he will have to live with her actions (Not going to the college he wants her to and having the job he thinks she should have) will affect him for the rest of his life and he doesn't want to be unhappy for the rest of what life he has left. I don't get it. I asked him if he missed the OW? He says not at all. We have both been very open and honest (he leaves his phone for me to see) the last month, but it sure seems to have taken a few steps back over the weekend. I asked him this morning if we were splitting up again and he said "Why are you talking like that?" The only time we have actually had any arguments was about my children, so to me this is another excuse to argue. We did have a argument last night, he doesn't seem to understand, no matter what she will always be my D. Even though I don't agree with alot of things she does, it's out of my control. I don't get it!
Me-49, H-45 M - 4, Together 9 SS-9 Bomb Dropped - 9/12 Separation - 10/12 Reconcile -2/13 Separation - 8/2013 Reconcile - 10/2013 Separation - 12/2013 Reconcile - 2/14 Separate - 5/14 H Filed D - 8/14
Well, looks like I forgave a little too quickly. H is moving out on Christmas Eve. The electric company called to verify new usuage. (We have rentals so I have security code set up on our social security numbers). I confronted him, he originally denied it, then finally came clean. Wanted to have a "peaceful" Christmas. Back to square one. I think it's just time to go file for D. Doesn't even hurt that bad this time, I almost expected it to happen.
Me-49, H-45 M - 4, Together 9 SS-9 Bomb Dropped - 9/12 Separation - 10/12 Reconcile -2/13 Separation - 8/2013 Reconcile - 10/2013 Separation - 12/2013 Reconcile - 2/14 Separate - 5/14 H Filed D - 8/14
Been almost a week. H and I have minimal contact. S is with Aunt until Thursday so we haven't had to be in contact. During this time I'm going dark. But I know when S is back, I can't be dark anymore. This is third time he's moved out in 1 1/2 years. Each time saying that I'm the best woman he's ever known, but he's not happy with my teenage daughter's decisions on job and college. That's the ONLY thing he can come up with. This time he got an apartment 10 miles away, prior he moved into one of our rentals. He has had 3 secret phones (one for each parting), and the last time he begged me to take him back and I did so too quickly. He has texted me he loves me, misses me, etc. I'm so confused. My good friends and family that I've shared with are all ready for me to divorce this man. I am still not at that place. I don't understand how I can still hang on to this. I am starting individual counseling this week and GALing. I'm so hurt that I allowed him to come back home only for him to leave again.
Me-49, H-45 M - 4, Together 9 SS-9 Bomb Dropped - 9/12 Separation - 10/12 Reconcile -2/13 Separation - 8/2013 Reconcile - 10/2013 Separation - 12/2013 Reconcile - 2/14 Separate - 5/14 H Filed D - 8/14
