Venting is good and encouraged here. Ignoring what others are pointed out to you about you is not. Did your exw complained about that about you? You know not really caring how she felt or what she said? That's how you are coming through.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Trying to catch a quick nap before my latest adventure ... working the graveyard shift at UPS.
It's no windfall -- $8.50 an hour. Monday through Thursday, about 2.5 hours a night until Dec. 23.
Doing the math and it'll be maybe an extra $300. Still, I have to pay my share of D14's class trip to Europe in 2015 now and I have to save for D11, who will likely get braces next fall.
Let's see, this year I've made extra money as a book keeper, plasma donater, umpire, autobiography writer, scorekeeper, running race laborer and now package handler.
It has been a long but never boring year.
Good Thanksgiving planned. Cousin from Wisconsin is coming down with her family. The girls have always wanted to "host" a family thing. They are always "guests" even before the D.
Of course, I can't cook so we're going to a nice restaurant for a buffet, then spending some time at my house before they stay at the Radisson. I know the owner and he comped their rooms. They keep a pretty tight budget so it's a bit of a treat for them.
The professor's family is in town -- her parents and one of her two sisters. Tomorrow, I get to meet them for dinner. Thursday, the professor and her daughter might come over to the hotel to meet my cousin and let her daughter swim.
Friday, I'm going to the movies with her and her sister. Friday and Saturday one of my good friends is in town from Vegas and staying with me. He's coming out with us Saturday.
Sunday, rest, work on some grants, do some bookkeeping for my sister and work on the autobiography.
Work at the newspaper is a muddled mess. Every time I start to feel a little bit comfortable I find out I've somehow offended my boss again. It has been a hellish 14 months. I saved this lady's a** from getting fired when she was going through her divorce. Management teams changed and her star rose and mine descended in 2006. Then my D came around and I can't dedicate 60 hours to the place. As the newspaper kept cutting managers, she survived because she was the lowest paid. Finally, they'd cut so many she actually was put in charge and she's been making my life miserable ever since.
My annual review is coming up and it's pointless really. We haven't had a raise in five years. We aren't getting one this year or next and we unionized so raises will be set by a future contract.
I really don't want to go through the dog and pony show of sitting down with the current regime. So I finally asked for a transfer -- from a step above my boss. There was a chance at switching earlier this year but I worried it would cost me time with my daughters -- more weekend work -- and cut down on my side job time.
But I need a real job first and I just can't imagine making it through another year under the people I work for now. So I've put in my request and now any meetings about the future can be held with the knowledge that I'm looking to move to another department.
Things have calmed down at D11's school and there has been a very good development. She made a new "best" friend in the regular class -- not the special ed class.
With D11, it's never been about the grades, it's been about fitting in and finding friends.
D14 finished her play it was excellent. I brought the professor and her daughter. So it was kind of a coming out for us as part of the D14 official circle. We've made plans for the five of us to go to her parents' "cottage" on Lake Michigan in July. I love how the well to do talk. The "cottage" sleeps 10.
I also got a look at XW's fiance's extended family at the play. The fiance looks like the successful one in the bunch. The less said by me the better. Let's just say there's a big contrast.
Couple interesting things from D11. She mentioned her new "sister" -- supposedly there's a good chance XW's kid will be a girl. D11 said it's her "half" sister, not her "real" sister. I told her not to take out on her sister the fact that her parents -- meaning me and XW couldn't keep it together. It's not the baby's fault.
It sounds like it's starting to hit D11 that this new dynamic is going to be a lot different.
D14 is drama as usual. She's still with boyfriend No. 1. They are both painfully shy and he's really into sports and D14 is not. So they have little to talk about and D14's eye is wandering, but she doesn't know how to break things off.
This is a tough one. I told her I don't have a lot of advice for her other than she needs to realize no matter how she is about it it will still hurt.
So that's my update. Now for a 90-minute nap.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Just because your daughters boyfriend is into sports and she isn't, she wants to end it??? Did you tell her most guys are into sports? Though this is her first boyfriend, it is a great time for her to find other things that both if them might like. Encourage her to give it more time. There are so many sides to people.
Look at you and your girlfriend, though I really don't like you referring to her as the professor, I am sure you both are very different but she is giving you lots of time to show your different sides.
Why don't you know how to cook Thansgiving dinner? Think of the hard earned money you would save by putting together a special meal. You could have other friends bring a dish and there you have dinner and company.
Have you ever checked out flexjobs? You can find lots of options for extra work. You do have to pay for the service but it isn't too much. I think it was 32 for the whole year.
Good job on helping your daughter with the baby. This child is their real sibling and they don't need to penalize it to make anyone else feel better.
Kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Yes, I cringe every time you refer to her as "the Professor" - so impersonal. It feels like she is a trophy girlfriend - someone you can flaunt as better than ex.
But whatever - I hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
The UPS thing was an adventure. For seven weeks my life basically was work, sleep, work. All for an extra $600.
Still, I needed the money and I won't rule out doing it again next year.
So the New Year is upon us and I feel like the Arc. As the storms rage all around, I've continued to float higher.
Getting this house in April was huge, just huge. The summer was extremely fun. The fall -- with the ex being pregnant thing -- was hard. But winter is off to a good start.
As always - or at least until I either find another job or ride out child support - I see financial storms on the horizon in 2014. But so far I've always found a way through them.
Things with the professor are going well and it's an interesting emotional exercise. I really like spending time with her. My daughters LOVE her and she's great with them. But still I don't want to spend all my time with her.
I finally finished the UPS stuff Monday night. Tuesday, the professor came over for Christmas Eve since her daughter was with her father. Then Wednesday we spent most of Christmas together. Friday I went over to her house and begged out of staying the night. I was actually coupled out by then.
I didn't get that feeling with XW. I wanted to spend all my time with her. But then again maybe that was puppy love. It's interesting trying to figure myself out.
Work is boring as h*ll, but at least I don't appear to be on the hot seat anymore. So that's nice. Still, I want to do something else. I'm considering meeting with several bank presidents in town to see if I'd qualify to be a commercial banker. I'd like to do something to help small business owners and access to capital is always the No. 1 issue. But I have no banking experience. I just need to keep looking.
Now that I'm done with UPS I can get back to my several other pursuits. If it's not one thing, it's another. And I need to get back to the gym. The UPS thing messed up my body clock. I was rarely getting more than 4 hours of sleep. I didn't have time or energy to work out. I also was rarely eating so I didn't gain weight. I just felt like a lump.
In the week since, I've caught up on sleep but still lack energy, plus I've started eating again and I put on a quick 10 pounds. So back to the basketball floor tomorrow.
The girls were over off and on last week, but now I'm in a stretch where I won't see them for a week. That's rare and weird not to be around them. But that ends Thursday and then it'll be 2014 and there's going to be lots of adjusting going on at the other house when this new baby comes.
That's a whole new variable. It's going to be an interesting year.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Working a night shift -- which is really easy. So I'm catching up. This is the busy time for my scorekeeping gig. I'm at the high school 17 times in the next five weeks.
It's my favorite job though. If I won the lottery tomorrow I'd quite the newspaper and keep the score keeping job. Getting paid to watch basketball is fun for me.
Finished paying my portion of D14's Europe trip in 2015 to XW. That's what the UPS gig was for. Now, I'm going to try to help D14 save up $1,500 over the next year and a half for the trip so she can have a good time. It's two weeks with stops in Germany, Spain, France and England.
Dropped five of the quick 10 pounds that I put on during Christmas. Playing more basketball. It's a little nerve wracking because a serious injury would hurt me financially, but basketball always has been my "runners high" and I've missed it.
This weekend was an interesting exercise in letting go. D14 wants to tryout -- along with several thousand others -- for The Voice in Chicago. She has a 7 a.m. tryout Sunday morning and she wants to stay at a motel nearby so she doesn't have to get up at 4 a.m. to get ready.
It's my weekend so I'm taking her. D11 doesn't want to tag along and I was working on options when she told me in the car that XW told her she could stay with her and go bowling -- with fiance's family -- Saturday night.
Well, I hadn't asked for help and I didn't like XW meddling in my weekend. I try to NEVER do that on her weekends. That's hard to explain to D11. She just thought, "it will be fun."
In the end, the options I had lined up weren't going to be as good as the bowling offer and I couldn't make myself not let her go bowling. Had the bowling offer not been offered I had a good setup for D11. I'll have to let this one go.
Plus, there's an annual Martin Luther King tournament that I have to work and that means more time away on Saturday and Monday. The great thing about the scorekeeping gig is I control the schedule so I usually don't schedule myself on weekends the girls are over. But this will be an extra $180 cash and with the annual Wisconsin Dells trip in two weeks I couldn't pass it up.
Girls have Friday and Monday off so D11 is having friends over Thursday and Friday night, so it's not a total loss.
Booked one of my summer weekends. The time share is a good thing. It's going to be a very good summer. Not as expensive as last year. But still good. We're doing a Michigan trip with the professor and her daughter after July 4. Two days in Wisconsin (timeshare) two weeks after that and four days in D.C./Virginia in August (timeshare).
Things are still going well with the Professor. Her 11-year-old doesn't really like my 11-year-old. She likes my 14-year-old. But it makes things awkward. Still, we're doing the July trip together because there'll be enough room for everyone to spread out.
The funny thing is for years I was the sophisticate in the relationship. XW just wanted to sit on a porch at a trailer at a campground with her mom every summer. And she ended up trading me in for a biker guy who just wants to sit around a campfire and drink beer all day. I wanted to go places, see things, meet people ... get out of the chair. I get bored doing the same thing.
The professor's family are all travelers. Her two sisters have doctorates. One is an attorney, the other a medical researcher. So the professor jokes she is the "black sheep" of the family.
This trip we're taking in July is to her parents' "cottage" on Lake Michigan. The "cottage" sleeps 10.
We had lunch today and she was telling me about the family trip they are planning. Her sisters and her parents. They can't decide whether to do something in the U.S. or overseas.
I just smiled. My parents are long gone. There are no deep pockets in my family. I'll never be able to take the girls places that her daughter has already seen. They'll have to do that for themselves.
It's a weird feeling. It's the comparison trap. My daughters have been to Disney twice. We take annual trips to the Dells. They've stayed in suites while staying on Michigan Avenue in Chicago. I'm proud to say despite the divorce that they don't hurt for experiences. Everyone plays the hand they are dealt. This is a good reminder.
D11 got her grades today. All A's and B's. She's still in special ed half the day for her ADHD so it's hard to tell where she stands with her peers. Next year when she hits seventh grade is going to tell a lot.
D14 got a 4.1 GPA. Her two B's were in honors classes. Right now she's extremely focused. She has her heart set on UCLA. There's a long way to go until that decision is finalized, but she's already a much better student than I ever was.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
