Is it too late?

[sayitaintso]

Quick update on the new girl I have met, we had a drink at the weekend but no more than that, the attraction is flattering to say the least but I am sure, deep down, I am not ready for another relationship until Ive truly given up on my marriage,

Thanks for any advice

Also, I haven't read your entire sitch but it looks like you registered less than 60 days ago. You've known and/or been with your WAW for 20 years. And you have had a drink and referenced a new girl more than once.

IMO, you need to take some more time to really figure out who you are and who you want to become. This is a long journey but a rewarding one if your ready to take it.

[trueblue1]

Thanks `say' for your advice;

I am tending to agree with you on the facebook subject, although it would be a `180' I don't want to stir up more emotion & the temptation to snoop in my down moments would be too much.

I left WAW nearly 3.5 months ago & part of GAL'ing (going out at weekends & trying to be the happy chappy I used to be) has led to me meeting the new girl. I waver between the `long haul' wait which may be fruitless & the opportunity to start again. If I had the slightest signal that WAW was re-considering I wouldnt be considering a new relationship but that does not seem to be forthcoming despite contact from her 2 or 3 times a week.

Although my rollercoaster has levelled out a lot in the last few weeks (I never thought that would happen) I still think of WAW almost all of the time, but, there have been 3 things that have helped me get through all this, GAL'ing, reading this forum & the realisation that so many have successfully got through this & finally the communication with new girl which has made me see that I might not be left on the shelf if WAW never changes her mind.

Thanks again for your comments

[LuckyLuke]

Trublu - have you met new girl in person or just online? Yes, having someone interested in you is good stuff. Luke

[trueblue1]

Hi Luke,

In person!!!
She was a small flicker of a flame a few years ago when I was between marriages but just friends at that time, happened to see her when I was out with my son a couple of weeks ago & she's been texting etc ever since & met for drinks last friday.
It is good stuff & flattering but as i said earlier i think i see a T junction coming up with a big decision. Will probably see what happens this weekend. Deep down, at this stage, I probably hope that WAW changes her mind quickly but realistically that is not going to happen.
It is a dilemma, really GAL & move on more or wait, wait, wait.

We'll see!

[LuckyLuke]

Hi TB,

Yeah, that is a real T there. The multiple times per week communications are a good thing though. You mentioned that she was on antidepressants, which I used to be also, until I read 'cognitive behavioral therapy for dummies', which turned out to be much better than any meds. Perhaps you can somehow make her aware of the book.

My 2 centimes - Luke

[trueblue1]

Hi Luke,

WAW has been on meds for many years on & off. It started with abusive behaviour & affairs by her 1st husband.
This resulted in her being depressed & insecure & onto the meds, I made it a mission of mine to give her a feeling of security & of being wanted & loved, which I did for a long time & got her off them, unfortunately I let all this slip in the last couple of years hence WAW & she is back on the meds (she told me last week). Good idea on the book but maybe I'll tell her a bit later as she would think I'm trying to control her indirectly at present.

Thanks again

[LuckyLuke]

Hi tb,

Yes, hands off seems best just now...

What was good about the book was that it helped me understand the mechanisms and thought patterns of depression and how to control them. I also feel much clearer for not taking meds, which fuzzed up my mind. If she has just restarted with an SSRI, by the way, it will take a few weeks for them to kick in.

L

[trueblue1]

Hi All,

Well, true to form just got the regular 72 hour phone call from WAW. 30 minute chat about her current problems, but included a little bit of unforced light hearted banter for once. That was nice. Unfortunately she is facing big finance problems at the moment & just for my sanity I mentioned `well you'll be fine & have disposable income when boyfriend moves in', she thought a moment & said he's not yet, he might not, maybe etc etc. Well at least I know hes still on the scene! Only believe 50% etc, hes probably moving in this week!!! That did knock me back for a few minutes but it was nice to have the chat & a bit more validating. Shes due to call again Friday...we'll see!

Thanks All

[trueblue1]

And to follow a txt from WAW:

`I dont know if anyone will move in. I need to sort this on my own. Thankyou for offering to help I really do appreciate it. Hope your day goes well x'

I really havent got a clue!!! At least I can raise a small smile
now, 3 months ago I would have been pleading etc

Thanks All

[LuckyLuke]

Your cup is half full, tb, not half empty, imo.

Luke