I'm back for a while

[ClingingToHope]

Had D14 last night -- not my weekend -- because she has to be at a singing competition this morning and XW and the Harley guy are camping this weekend.

Hey bonus time. We hit the library to work on a school project then went to eat before going to the movies. We went to Cracker Barrell and had to wait 10 minutes. So we're shopping in the gift shop when D14 looks at some baby clothes, shows them to me, then stops and says, "I want a baby brother. I know D11 thinks I'm crazy, but I want a brother."

Then she stops herself and says, "I know you don't want to talk about it."

I didn't say anything and we kept shopping.

After dinner, we saw Gravity and it's very intense. D14 took a shower before bed. I brushed her hair and we got some sleep.

A 95 percent good night other than the baby thing.

It's going to be a difficult few months with that.

I woke up this morning with a realization why it's going to be hard.

A baby brother or sister is something I can't give them.

I have worked really hard to be able to offer everything here that they get at the other house. In terms of electronics, rooms to themselves, toys, clothes. Even animals. I don't have any, but both my neighbors do and there's a park behind us where D11 finds all kinds of dogs.

But I can't give them -- at least for now -- a baby brother or sister and that's a major reason it bothers me.

OK. Now I can deal with that. No matter what, that'll be a difference between here and there.

It's a difficult one to overcome. In the shower I was ticking off a lot of advantages I will have. Less crowding. More time to concentrate on just them. A greater ability to go and do things. Just less stress overall. A reminder of when life was simpler.

I can only play the hand that was dealt and I told myself last night not to panic, let the hand play itself out.

OK. Today. Drop D14 off and then head to Chicago.

[adinva]

Please hear that. You are so competitive and self absorbed that even your child is trying to protect your sore feelings. She's excited about a baby, an innocent little fellow human, but has to hide that around you. Which one is being more grownup?

By the sound of your post you would produce a baby if you could, to equalize your daughters' two houses. That sounds ridiculous! You've got really tough feelings to process, and you've got to feel your way through them. I hope you can rise above your immature gut reactions so your kids can share their joys and sorrows without worrying about which subjects are off-limits with dad.

Your d's have each other, they werent lacking for a sibling. You will always be their irreplaceable dad, whether you have an xbox or a baby or a million dollars, or nothing. Find your deeper value and share it with your kids. They're learning life from you.

[Drew]

Sigh ....

Still competing.

Still keeping score.

[ClingingToHope]

OK day in Chicago. We went to two independent book stores and there were lots of books, but nothing really caught my eye and there was just so much dust.

So we decided to take a cab to the Barnes & Noble nearest Union Station. I hate to say I enjoyed it a lot more. Cleaner. Better organized. Places to sit.

I didn't end up buying anything. I was interested in a book, League of Denial, so I bought it on my Kindle.

The professor got a book for her D11 and then we took the train back.

Sunday, we took her dogs for a walk, watched the final two episodes of Breaking Bad and then she had papers to grade and I had some work to do for my sister.

I'm caught up on saving for rent, bills so that eases my mind, at least for a couple of weeks. The wolves will be at the door probably until D11 turns D18.

The girls are over for the next two weekends. We're painting D14's room either this weekend or next and the professor is coming over Saturday to teach me/us some vegetarian recipes.

Things are going to be hectic at work for a couple of weeks, but that gets me out from under the thumb of a couple of bosses I don't like.

All in all, everything is good.

[SunFunOne]

I'm having trouble understanding the living month to month thing & the "wolves at the door" when you settled a lawsuit, bought a timeshare & have $22,000 & $19,000 put away for your girls' educations. Something is out of whack. If you can't pay rent or put food on the table - you cash in education savings or sell the timeshare. Your girls must know how tight money is & that is very hard on kids.

The divorce set me back financially so that there was not much money set aside for education costs (he paid nothing for the D - I pd $25,000!). My children pd for part of their education, ex & I pd some each & the kids also got student loans (now pd off). It is admirable to have so much set aside for them but it seems out of balance.

I wish you could read what you write about $ and superficial things and see it with fresh eyes. Just as we do. Get your head out of the sand & please try to hear what everyone is telling you.

Barb

[ClingingToHope]

SFO, I choose to budget for things. I could take every dime I get and blow it. Instead, I put away money for summer, for a future house, for vacation, for my next car, for Christmas, for D14's birthday, for taxes and for emergencies.

If I'm going to accomplish any of those things it's going to be a little bit at a time. It's the Dave Ramsey way.

So yes some of this is self inflicted. I choose to put a lot of money away for future stuff so that I can enjoy my time in the summer with the girls, so I can enjoy vacations with them, so I can afford Christmas or their birthdays, so when my car needs replacing I don't have to take on a car payment.

I actually have a printout on my fridge with where I'm at every month. I see it every time I eat. It keeps me on my financial toes.

As far as college, if someone is criticizing saving for future college education costs -- well I question their fiscal knowledge.

Budgeting is what makes me keep my nose to the grindstone, to stay focused. So instead of on a Tuesday hitting the bars with friends I work on stuff.

GM, League of Denial is about the NFL's repeated attempts to bury concussion related research. It's an excellent book.

I got my phone bill today. I have an extra $40 on it for overages. Basically, when I got the XW pregnancy news I burned up all my minutes over three days.

I was off this site for I think 10 months because there was no need. Things were going well. All the part-time jobs were working together. I moved into a bigger, better house in April.

Summer went amazingly well. We did Disney, Chicago and lots of other stuff because I saved, saved, saved for them.

Then I got the XW pregnancy shock. And it was quite a shock and it reopened a lot of old wounds and I'm guessing it would have messed with the heads of 90 percent of the people on here.

Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe everyone on here is 100 percent healed. Life throws them a curveball and they just take it with a smile.

I doubt that's true, but that's how it appears to be.

[SunFunOne]

I would never disagree that it is fiscally responsible to save for education costs or to pay cash for a new car but to do that at the expense of being able to afford your monthly responsibilities is Not. I don't understand that but it is your money to manage. The trouble is - you are worrying out loud here. And that means it is a problem for you.

So my question is - do you come here to vent or to find solutions & sympathy. We are good at both but we need to feel that our help is respected. If you don't heed any of the advice - why bother asking.

Barb

[kat727]

Dave Ramsey suggests after getting out of debt to have 3 to 6 months worth of expenses saved. Then you put in 15% into your retirement . Then 15% for college savings.

From what you have said, it sounds like you have skipped some steps. I think the biggest thing is having that safety net because inevitably something will happen where you will need to acess those funds. You don't need to share that, but I would think if you really were on step 5, you wouldn't have to be working all these odd end jobs.

kat

[adinva]

I feel like i'm talking to the walls here, lol!

I was afraid I might have been too harsh in my words but they seem to have fallen on deaf ears.

But before i go...i applaud your financial discipline and plan to study up to improve my own. People are probably reacting to your "wolves at the door" handwringing, which seems exaggerated because you have set up a pretty good safety net for yourself.

I feel sorry for the professor though. Even your nickname for her is about as unsexy as you can get. Maybe let her find someone who thinks she's way better than his ex? For her?

Anyway, good luck with your journey...

[AJM]

I dunno. Professor or Librarian *can* have a sexy connotation. Depends what you're into I guess

But Dude, you are comparing and competing with your ex. That's just silly. You're hurt. Ok. Got it. I think you have a lot of right to be hurt. But have you noticed it's you that's keeping you back? That's keeping you hurt? Your ex is going to do what she's going to do. Your actions seem on target - responsible and wanting to provide for your kids. But I think we all see what you're saying and wondering, "really?, that's what's important? Keeping up with the ex-jones'? " or is there more to your life and to you than to live under her shadow?

Process it as you need to in your way. But at some point you have to see that providing for your kids and competing with your ex are two very different things.

Just sayin'

AJ