Two Roads Diverged In a Yellow Wood... Part 2

[Not Quitting]

NQ, I am going to set up a bank appt for Monday. They would have an idea what I should do with my banking to set it up in this type of scenario?? I think setting up my own chequing acct would be wise.

Definitely a chequing acct for a start. I set up a chequing account which doesn't have a monthly fee, and it pays interest. It also automatically has a savings account linked to it. And to make it even better, every time I use my debit card I earn points which I can redeem for groceries (that should tell which financial institute).

LuckyLuke, you are right, I should start keeping a close eye on money, starting now, and how much we are spending. I am a little worried about how to go about handling finances. Perhaps I will look up some articles on the internet to help as well.

Definitely keep an eye on the joint account, and your line of credit if you have one – you should become familiar with anything that is in joint names.

I am also going to get some advice from people who have lawyer friends. I feel lost! On one hand, I feel like since he is the one wanting to separate, why not let HIM deal with everything? On the other hand, I want to be prepared and make sure everything is done fairly. I am just worried things will get out of control if we don't start separating finances.

You’re right that you need to protect yourself, but I totally agree with letting him do the work. It was his decision to separate, not yours.

Stay strong, you can get through this. Keep up DBing while you're at it - even if just to make yourself stronger and better at this point.

[chasingpavements]

Question, what about him putting purchases on his own personal credit card and then paying that off with our joint line of credit? How can I ensure he is not spending too much on his credit card? Our finances aren't split yet and he is using our joint money to pay off everything he puts on there. We are living paycheck to paycheck and I don't think we can afford to put anything on credit card except his orthodontic expenses!!

[Not Quitting]

Question, what about him putting purchases on his own personal credit card and then paying that off with our joint line of credit? How can I ensure he is not spending too much on his credit card? Our finances aren't split yet and he is using our joint money to pay off everything he puts on there. We are living paycheck to paycheck and I don't think we can afford to put anything on credit card except his orthodontic expenses!!

I'd suggest speaking to a lawyer and/or the bank. My H maxxed out his personal credit card, used the joint line of credit to make those minimum monthly payments and kept withdrawing cash from the line of credit. I was advised that if I could prove he was using money from the joint account to spend on OW I could sue them both for 50% of that money. As I couldn't prove it I let it slide. I did have the bank remove ATM access to the line of credit and add the requirement that we both had to sign at the bank for any withdrawals.

Since separation, we have closed the joint account and the line of credit and joint credit cards are both frozen due to the debt settlement plan we signed up to. In our separation agreement there is a clause stating that H will pay me 50% of that debt settlement for the duration of the payback period as the payments are coming out of my chequing account. That now provides me with legal recourse should he not pay his share. The only other joint bill we have is the cell phones but only because we are still in contract for a couple more months. As soon as we are out of contract we will be separating that as well.

I know how much worry all this can be, but try not to let it get to you. If you explain to the bank that you and your H are separating they will be more than happy to provide you with all the information you need, and if they aren't then you're with the wrong bank .

Stay strong. You can get through this and come out stronger. Always remember you're not alone .

Hope this helps.

[chasingpavements]

Thanks so much Not Quitting, you have no idea how much you have helped me and I really appreciate it! I am going to the bank soon to figure some of it out, and possibly lawyer soon. Thanks!!! (hugs)

[Not Quitting]

No problem cp. That's we're all on this forum for.

You stay strong for yourself and those kiddies of yours.

[chasingpavements]

Journaling,
Well, I have had some ups and downs over the past few days, since receiving BD#2 last week. Kind of feeling mixed-emotions. Happy to receive an answer. Mixed feelings over the fact that we are getting separated. Happy that I can now move on with life again, rather than being stuck in a rut. Hopeful for the future!

Hearing what my H had to say, about his feelings for me, I think it is best that we separate. I feel that someone else can care for me in the way that I deserve to be cared for. He has hurt me in so many ways. I am ready to move on.

My emotions have been ALL over the place. Happy one minute and then sad/angry. But overall I am doing pretty well! I feel strong, and that I will be able to handle everything, and that everything will be just fine.

[Not Quitting]

We all have those ups and downs. Having an answer does make things easier. You now have a better idea of where you stand and you can concentrate more on yourself and how to move forward.

Just as long as you keep DBing.

[chasingpavements]

Thanks! For sure I am going to keep up the DB'ing. I am so glad I found this forum and I feel I am ready to take on whatever happens.

[Not Quitting]

That's the spirit. And it's the same thing I'm doing. My H has said he's given up trying but I'm still going to keep on DBing.

[chasingpavements]

We can do this NQ!