Sorry about your mom. I didn't see that part. It's good that you've noticed the change in the way you handle that stress. Have to acknowledge those positive changes!
You know, when they are waffling back an forth, getting angry, whatever it is that we can't control... I like to vision myself on a boat in a storm. I can't control the weather, but I have to steer my boat. There are rocks around and the shore is looming... so I steer as well as I can, and while I can't ignore the storm, I don't let have all of my attention.
I like your storm analogy I feel the same way, like I am trying to keep calm in the eye of the storm! That is a great way of detaching for me. No matter what he is doing, acting grumpy, moody, distant, nit-picking, I just let it roll off me and remain constant in my actions. I am not so worried about how he will react, I am just acting how I see fit.
I think I have realized why it no longer bothers me. I used to be so afraid of the outcome of our relationship, and him leaving me. After all of these months have passed and all of the things that have happened between us, and things he has said to me, I am no longer worried about hanging on to him for dear life. I am ready to let him go if he wants to leave. Does that make sense?
I read this quote on FB today and it stuck with me: When a storm is coming, all other birds seek shelter. The Eagle alone, avoids the storm by flying above it. So, in the storms of life.... May your heart soar like an eagle.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
[quote=MileHigh]I read this quote on FB today and it stuck with me: When a storm is coming, all other birds seek shelter. The Eagle alone, avoids the storm by flying above it. So, in the storms of life.... May your heart soar like an eagle.
Love that quote. It applies to so many of us on here.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
Things have been alright lately. Had a great family day on Sunday. H planned for us to go for a nice Sunday drive to a corn maze, where we spent the day as a family. We had a great time, it almost felt 'normal'. Things seem so awkward sometimes, after BD, like there is a big elephant in the room. Lately, though, things seem more normal. Thank goodness!
We had our 8th anniversary yesterday. I got him a funny anniversary card. Kind of sad being at the store trying to pick out an anniversary card that doesn't sound loving at all! Sigh. When he came home from work I gave him the card, and he suggested we go out for dinner with the family for our anniversary. We had a nice time at the restaurant, and it feels good to be doing things as a family again. Especially since he suggested it! That was actually one of my DB goals, that he would start suggesting to do things together. So I guess I should count my blessings. Small victories!
Normally for our anniversary we would have gone on a little getaway overnight, or got a gift. Oh well, it is what it is, I wasn't expecting much. I was actually surprised that he suggested we go for dinner.
I have been struggling with holding on to this relationship lately. It has taken me every ounce of strength not to have a relationship talk with him, and I am still wading back and forth between wanting to stay or leave. I feel I may be happier leaving. I have my IC appt on Monday, hopefully I will get a bit of clarity.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I just found out one of my favourite bands is coming to town in 2 months. I invited my brother and SIL, and my dad and step-mom. They are all coming so I am quite excited!!! I asked H if he would like to come. He kind of sighed and said "I don't know." I did not mention anything else to him and just went and bought the tickets. (and did not buy one for him).
My question is, do I buy a ticket for him in case he changes his mind (they are cheap). Do I give him a quick heads up that if he decides to go let me know and I will buy him a ticket? Or do I just leave it as it is and never ask him again about it.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
.... I asked H if he would like to come. He kind of sighed and said "I don't know." I did not mention anything else to him and just went and bought the tickets. (and did not buy one for him).
Hi CP, why doesn't he want to go? Is this something that he usually doesn't like? Or is it because of the others you invited? Or is there no good reason other than his apathy?
I think you invited him, and he more or less said no. So I would not talk to him about it again. It is good to do things apart from your spouse too. In this case, you seem excited to go, and if he is coerced into going, then he might bring you down. You'll be preoccuppied with him. Better to leave him at home.
If it comes up, or if you decide to bring it up in the next few weeks, I would try to get a more definitive response from him.
Hi FastCars, he usually does enjoy going out and going to concerts. I think the reason is that he is still hung up on not knowing whether to stay in our relationship. If I had to guess, I think his hesitation is due to him not knowing whether we will even still be together in November.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
My H was the same way about committing to something earlier in the summer because, and he actually said it, he didn't know where we'd be when the time came.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
I am going to go and have fun.. with or without him! Fastcars is right.. perhaps if he did go I would be preoccupied with him anyway. I am excited that my dad and brother are coming, as they live far away and I don't see them very often. Since my mom passed away a few years ago for some reason what we seem to be doing more of as a family is going to concerts together. We have seen B.B.King, George Thorogood, and "Rain" the Beatles tribute.
Also, my dad has formed his own rock/blues group and has started playing at marinas, coffee houses, and festivals. He is the singer, and plays guitar and harmonica and is now taking up banjo. He's been trying to convince me and brother to go up on stage with him to sing a song... I think I would need a few beers in me before that happened!! haha.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I feel the same way, like I am trying to keep calm in the eye of the storm! That is a great way of detaching for me. No matter what he is doing, acting grumpy, moody, distant, nit-picking, I just let it roll off me and remain constant in my actions. I am not so worried about how he will react, I am just acting how I see fit.