Your posts really helped me today! We have some similarities in our sitches...as my husband is still at home, too.
He has, also, bounced back and forth between wanting to stay and wanting to go (all summer....ugh!)...and we have also had some good days/weeks here lately. My H's depression seems to be getting better, a little at a time.
I also struggle with wanting to know RIGHT NOW where our R stands...so it's hard to just "chill out" and let things be.
Like ForeverYoung said above about your husband, he's still there...and that's a good thing. He can see the positive changes you are making in yourself and can be reminded that he actually does like to spend time with you.
Sounds like you're doing a great job. Thanks for your posts!
Thanks... I think it is good news as well, and I feel a lot better about everything. I also feel more prepared/ready/accepting of what will come in the future.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Our 8th year wedding anniversary is in a week... I'm curious to see how he acknowledges it.. haha. I do not expect anything. Normally we would get a babysitter and go out for dinner.... ah, the good ol days.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Hi Angela, your story does sound similar to mine! I went through the same thing this summer where H bounced back and forth, telling me he wanted to separate, then not separating. It is so hard to go through!! We also did a 'trial separation".. ugh!
I do often wonder where my R stands at the moment, although I am trying to work past that. I have a tendency to blurt out things in the heat of the moment that get me into trouble! lol. So lately I have been applying the 24-48 hour rule, where if something is bothering me I will think about if for a couple of days before bringing it up to H. That has helped alot!
For now I have given up trying to know the status of our relationship. Because I now realize that he doesn't know and that it will take time. And me pressuring him for an answer only causes more problems!
I am so glad that my posts helped you yesterday. I was at a point before where I was so ready to give up on everything and I held on. Eventually things got better, and they are slowly improving. Everyone on this forum says that it's a marathon not a sprint..
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Thanks... I think it is good news as well, and I feel a lot better about everything. I also feel more prepared/ready/accepting of what will come in the future.
Sounds like you're in a good place right now. Keep it up and stay strong.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
I really like your 24-48 hour rule! I need to try this! So much of the time, I'll react (usually badly) and then, later, realize that it wasn't even that big of a deal...if I would have just let it go.
I REALLY hate it when my H says "I don't know" when we talk about R stuff...but it does help to realize that he really doesn't know.
Hi CP, glad things are looking up for you lately and going more smoothly. I hope they continue to improve and I hope you have a great weekend!
Me: 27 H: 27 Together: 11, M: 3 S 2 BD: 06/24/13 Living together H: EA - unknown current status Read: DB, 5LL (slowly reading DR) Back and forth we go...
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
So H has been a bit grumpy the past few days, and not talking much. If I ask him a question he just gives a quick mumbly response. Is mumbly a word? lol. I must be getting better at detaching because it has not been bothering me at all that he is acting grumpy.
A couple of months ago when he acted this way I could physically feel anxiety in my body and it would stress me out. Now I just think, oh well, it is what it is! I will just back off a bit and give him some space (which is a bit harder now that he has cooled off on working on the basement).
Our 8th anniversary is Tuesday, not worrying about it at all though.
I feel a little bit torn at the moment and wish that I had my mother to talk to. She passed away 3 years ago, and I would have talked to her about everything going on in my life. I wonder what she would say!
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
You know, when they are waffling back an forth, getting angry, whatever it is that we can't control... I like to vision myself on a boat in a storm. I can't control the weather, but I have to steer my boat. There are rocks around and the shore is looming... so I steer as well as I can, and while I can't ignore the storm, I don't let have all of my attention.
And I'm not even a sailor or a boat owner. I have more analogies where that came from. ;-)
<sigh>