Thank you for replying. Yes I'm pretty low right now. I WAS letting it eat away at me. I AM not going to let it any more. I move to the city she moved in two weeks. I'll have my own space, with nothing about the place reminding me of her. I'm ready to get out of the goo of limbo and start living my life again.
I don't need her and your right W and OM are not my business. It is time to find the mind set, my lost values and start applying them to my life again.
Me 32 W 30 Married 11 D10, S6 BD#1 January of 09 OM#1 2005 OM#2 Dec 08 OM#3 March/April of 09 Back together August 09 OM#4 May 13 W moves out June 2013 BD#2 June 21 2013 Filed July 2013 D final in Oct
I'm not beating myself up. I was at a really really REALLY low point. I just don't want to keep coming here and repeating the same thing over and over again. I want to be posting my goals and how I'm changing my life. Not missing the one that is now dead. I made a huge mistake yesterday and asked xW about new man, it destroyed me. I can't do that to myself any more. I'm seriously putting my hand in the door way and letting it slam. I'm making the conscious decision to not let this bring me down any lower. I will let the emotions run their course and embrace them.
Me 32 W 30 Married 11 D10, S6 BD#1 January of 09 OM#1 2005 OM#2 Dec 08 OM#3 March/April of 09 Back together August 09 OM#4 May 13 W moves out June 2013 BD#2 June 21 2013 Filed July 2013 D final in Oct
My X finally got a facebook and like a train wreck I had to look... I don't know if i'm in some unreality fog or if I truly faced reality. Not seen pictures of them together before so i think i did pretty good when i actually saw them.
Its been 3 years with separation and divorce. I cant imagine facing my X and actually asking him about OW. Hurts no matter what. Found it kinda pathetic actually. Amazing the things he can do with her now since we had so much holding us back...kids commitments, community, church, softball, high school, etc.
And the comments from people... people i thought were my friends who have been more loyal to him in this whole affair. Like no biggie. You guys look great!
I atleast have no contact even though D lives with me and I care for her 24/7.
I just need to jump off that bridge and see theres an amazing life for me somewhere too!
Cried tonite too and thought, just let it out. Let God do with it what he will. Maybe he's answering my X prayers too. Hes happy at least he seems. Oh well maybe ill be better tmrw.
Well get to the other side.
M: 49 H: 49 S23 D24 (disabled from car accident 6 yrs ago) M: 21yrs BD: 1 month after D home from hospital (after 6 months) D: 3/11/11 Moved: 10/11/11 to FL for SCI recovery X: engaged w/OW
I made a huge mistake yesterday and asked xW about new man, it destroyed me.
Don’t feel bad up about this, I went ahead and found out about OM, I know some of his background, I’ve seen pictures of W and OM together, I’ve even seen their video, all very distasteful . However as painful as all this was, it confirmed to me that W and I have no future, she’s picked a loser, a person just as broken as she is, they are welcomed to each other now.
Any how without seeing these things I would still be holding out hope that something would change and we could still be together, not a chance of that now.
I recently hit a low point so I can relate to where you are, worst of all it came as I was driving over the motorway suspension bridge, you would not believe the thought that came into my head and D12 was in the car with me as well. Well once that passed I said to my self no more, I’ve got to move forward, I’ve got to move up, which is where I am heading now. All the mess around me is the same but I’ve changed my mindset, I’m not gonna let this beat me down.
So I am moving on with no doubts, no regrets, just some sadness which will pass, it’s not the path I would have chosen but it is the one that is in front of me. Once you get a grip and are able to let go of W mentally, it starts to change, also change comes with you being positive about yourself, I started by buying a new pair of jeans and its snowballed from there. You too will find your trigger or inspiration which will help you move on.
My X finally got a facebook and like a train wreck I had to look... I don't know if i'm in some unreality fog or if I truly faced reality. Not seen pictures of them together before so i think i did pretty good when i actually saw them.
Its been 3 years with separation and divorce. I cant imagine facing my X and actually asking him about OW. Hurts no matter what. Found it kinda pathetic actually. Amazing the things he can do with her now since we had so much holding us back...kids commitments, community, church, softball, high school, etc.
And the comments from people... people i thought were my friends who have been more loyal to him in this whole affair. Like no biggie. You guys look great!
I atleast have no contact even though D lives with me and I care for her 24/7.
I just need to jump off that bridge and see theres an amazing life for me somewhere too!
Cried tonite too and thought, just let it out. Let God do with it what he will. Maybe he's answering my X prayers too. Hes happy at least he seems. Oh well maybe ill be better tmrw.
Well get to the other side.
L4MD, Oi I know how you feel, xW new man isn't much of a catch and other than him "listening to her, and doing things with out her asking" he doesn't have [censored] on me. He is a manager of an autoparts store, been divorced two years and has two children. She says she is in love with him. I don't believe she knows what love is. They'll get to do amazing thing together also, but guess what, it doesn't mean [censored], they'll never know true love they'll never know what it is to be truly committed to someone else. My kids will know that I am the rock to rest against, they'll know I'm here and that along with your situation and your children is the amazing thing!
Like your H my W is more focused on him than our children and it is evident. My kids especially my D(10) have to be confused I just dont know what questions to ask them to help them through this. I talk to them but they don't really have much to say about their, our current situation. I'm worried that this behavior from W will be something my daughter will see is okay.
I know this is tough and you are three years out. We can heal, we can become better. Most importantly we can and will forgive. I cannot continue to torture myself and either can you. Take that leap, hell I'll do it with you. We can find our happiness. I'm praying for you!!
Me 32 W 30 Married 11 D10, S6 BD#1 January of 09 OM#1 2005 OM#2 Dec 08 OM#3 March/April of 09 Back together August 09 OM#4 May 13 W moves out June 2013 BD#2 June 21 2013 Filed July 2013 D final in Oct
Hi Bro, Don’t feel bad up about this, I went ahead and found out about OM, I know some of his background, I’ve seen pictures of W and OM together, I’ve even seen their video, all very distasteful . However as painful as all this was, it confirmed to me that W and I have no future, she’s picked a loser, a person just as broken as she is, they are welcomed to each other now.
Any how without seeing these things I would still be holding out hope that something would change and we could still be together, not a chance of that now.
I recently hit a low point so I can relate to where you are, worst of all it came as I was driving over the motorway suspension bridge, you would not believe the thought that came into my head and D12 was in the car with me as well. Well once that passed I said to my self no more, I’ve got to move forward, I’ve got to move up, which is where I am heading now. All the mess around me is the same but I’ve changed my mindset, I’m not gonna let this beat me down.
So I am moving on with no doubts, no regrets, just some sadness which will pass, it’s not the path I would have chosen but it is the one that is in front of me. Once you get a grip and are able to let go of W mentally, it starts to change, also change comes with you being positive about yourself, I started by buying a new pair of jeans and its snowballed from there. You too will find your trigger or inspiration which will help you move on.
Peace and calm be with you
Lanzo
Lanzo,
Not beating myself up any more, took about a day to let it go. Like you my W new OM doesn't have anything on me. He is broken, and chasing after a woman who isn't even divorced yet. They have one thing in common, well two, he likes to buy her [censored] and she loves getting [censored] for free. Her love language is acts of service and gifts. Blech, I did so much for her, the only thing I didn't do was move her down to her home town, which I am now forced to move to. Its a dump. I hate it. The entire town is just crap.
I like you am no longer holding out hope, I haven't been for a while, since I first found out about this new guy. I realized that she is only in it for herself, she is selfish, and it shows by her actions and introducing our children to him.
The sadness will pass, and we will heal, while they will continue to put a band aid on it and just be the same people. They are the lowest of the low and will not rise. I want to forgive her and I know I can.
Lanzo thank you for taking the time post. I'm praying for you.
Me 32 W 30 Married 11 D10, S6 BD#1 January of 09 OM#1 2005 OM#2 Dec 08 OM#3 March/April of 09 Back together August 09 OM#4 May 13 W moves out June 2013 BD#2 June 21 2013 Filed July 2013 D final in Oct
[quote=Live4myDay] I know this is tough and you are three years out. We can heal, we can become better. Most importantly we can and will forgive. I cannot continue to torture myself and either can you. Take that leap, hell I'll do it with you. We can find our happiness. I'm praying for you!!
Absolutely! Words well said. It just amazes me how in our society divorce is looked upon as similar to a bad flu. The belief seems to be that everyone gets it and you just get over it. Yet, in mine and others experiences on this BB, it's one of the most devastating things that can ever happen to a person next to losing a child. It stays with you and leaves deep scars...but, that said, God has made his creatures both adaptable and rescilient (sp?) and we can re-build. Am I over it? I dunno. Sometimes it just jumps up and bites you in the butt again...but, in time we will all heal if we chose to. Hang in there!
Absolutely! Words well said. It just amazes me how in our society divorce is looked upon as similar to a bad flu. The belief seems to be that everyone gets it and you just get over it. Yet, in mine and others experiences on this BB, it's one of the most devastating things that can ever happen to a person next to losing a child. It stays with you and leaves deep scars...but, that said, God has made his creatures both adaptable and rescilient (sp?) and we can re-build. Am I over it? I dunno. Sometimes it just jumps up and bites you in the butt again...but, in time we will all heal if we chose to. Hang in there!
It drives me nuts that it is so common and no one bats an eye about it. How complete the devastation of a Divorce, and cheating is felt, and the fact that my W doesn't and wont allow herself to feel this, it is easier to find a new man and that is "happiness" to her. I know it will probably creep up on me and bite me but I hope that when it does I can deal with it and swat it away. I know I'm not over it (obviously) but it will come. I'm embracing it rather than trying to grab it squeeze it and force it away. It will be a slow process and I'm excepting that now. I will feel all that I have to feel in order to be healed.
Me 32 W 30 Married 11 D10, S6 BD#1 January of 09 OM#1 2005 OM#2 Dec 08 OM#3 March/April of 09 Back together August 09 OM#4 May 13 W moves out June 2013 BD#2 June 21 2013 Filed July 2013 D final in Oct
Just remember, we have a choice. I've seen people who won't let go and wallow in their victimhood. Their lives suuck! Somehow, they feel that letting go means excusing and they aren't gonna do that no matter what! So feel what you need to, we all do, but allow the healing and that can come through forgiveness. People would sometimes say to me "how can you forgive her for what she's done to you?" and I reply "When I go before the Lord I can tell Him everything I did to save the marriage. What she says before Him is between her and Him. It's no longer my problem. I leave it in God's hands" and I do. My life ain't no bowl of cherries but I look at her and think "I'd rather be me!"
