Hello! 20 year marriage teetering... (part IV)

[Fartiltre]

She does seem grateful for the help even though she hasn't really asked for any!

In my country we have a saying – it is hard to translate but goes something like:
True friends come only invited when things are normal but in troubled times they look by you uninvited

You are a good man AS! The things you are doing for your W is truly and always good! She is in troubled waters and you stick by her! You would properly still like to R although you express doubt and feel good but as I read you these actions are done out of good and without expectations.
I really like reading about this and I believe anybody and everybody would like a person like this around them – and that goes for your W as well!

All the best!

F

[littleGTO]

AS,

Thanks for posting on my thread. I always look forward to your advice/insight

Sorry to hear you are still struggling with your health. I hope that you are on the mend sooner than later.

My SIL just underwent chemo this Spring and a double mastectomy a couple of weeks ago. Surgery has proven why worse than the chemo for her so far, but every person is different, so your W may experience the reverse. Sorry to hear she is having to go through this--no woman should ever have to go through this.

Continue to reach out to her and try to be there for her in any way you can, regardless of what she projects she does/doesn't want from you in terms of support. She will appreciate it even if it doesn't feel comfortable to her right now.

Take care, AS!

[AnotherStander]

W is turning 50 this week. She bought me a few things for my bday a couple of months ago so I plan on returning the favor. I was actually sitting at home this evening thinking about plans for this when I got a call from MIL. She asked me if I knew about the surprise party for W, which I had not heard one word about. Turns out OM and a woman from W's office have been organizing a big event for after work on Friday. Stupid me, I thought MIL was calling to invite me, LOL! Turns out she was calling to see if I could take the kids starting Friday instead of Sunday because W's bestie is driving in from out-of-state and they want me to take the kids so that W and bestie can spend the weekend together. I told her it was no problem (and it isn't). Honestly I was taken aback that no one invited me or even told me about the party (even the kids know), but I'm not angry or upset, seems like that kind of stuff is par for the course these days!

True friends come only invited when things are normal but in troubled times they look by you uninvited

I like that

You are a good man AS! The things you are doing for your W is truly and always good!

Thank you, I really feel like it's not following DB'ing very well but as I said after W was diagnosed, I'd rather set DB'ing aside for now and just be as much help to her as I can be. I really don't think it's helping the sitch one bit and I think D is a certainty, but at this point I feel that was inevitable regardless of what path I took. Seems like all the tunnels in my maze are cheeseless, LOL!

Thanks for posting on my thread. I always look forward to your advice/insight

You're welcome, you've had an amazing journey and I've enjoyed keeping up with it

Sorry to hear you are still struggling with your health. I hope that you are on the mend sooner than later.

Thank you! It's been a little over 3 weeks now, I get a little better each day but it's looking like it'll be a few more weeks before I'm normal. I was in really good shape and it's just shocking to me now at how easily I get winded now!

Surgery has proven why worse than the chemo for her so far

Sorry to hear that The two surgeries went well for W although she had a lumpectomy rather than full mastectomy so it wasn't as invasive. The part that bothers her the most is where they removed some lymph nodes under her arm. Apparently she is going to have a hysterectomy before the radiation treatments start, I just found that out when I read her journal (on Caring Bridge) yesterday. She changed so much after BD last year, I wonder how all of this may affect her personality.

Continue to reach out to her and try to be there for her in any way you can, regardless of what she projects she does/doesn't want from you in terms of support. She will appreciate it even if it doesn't feel comfortable to her right now.

Thank you for the vote of confidence

[littleGTO]

Get well, AS!

Sorry about the bday party for your W- not getting invited, but it sounds like you've handled yourself very well, as usual these days!

Boy, your wife is going through a lot, I have to say...for most women turning that next decade is killer! I still can't admit to turning 4-0 outloud!