The hardest decision - need advice, please!

[MileHigh]

That can also lead to a lot of mind reading, so, as always, you have to be very careful.

[MrBond]

In your case it's not mind reading.

You wrote this in the very beginning of your new posts here.
"I directed my frustrations into a lot of anger, instead of finding healthy ways to deal with them."

[RosaLinda]

DMR - I think putting the birthday gift out is too pushy. I'm glad it found its way to the night stand But I know how much giving your spouse a gift and them not even bothering to open it hurts. Mine has done that to me too.

Bond -- thanks. No, not much wildness or fun in our lives lately. My H has been horribly sick with lymes disease and other debilitating illnesses for the past 7 years, and in MLC for the past 4. So we have done some fun things together, but not wild fun. We used to do some sports, like skating and skiing and hiking, but he physically can not any longer. I miss the fun element and keep finding entertaining things for us to do. Like an Eagles Tribute Band concert - he loves the Eagles, and how fun would that be! He always says no. So my 180 is to go on and do the enjoyable thing without him. His loss.

My H is going Russia in Sept to be with his Tramp for a month. So he'll have plenty of fun and new experiences. Hard to compete with that

[MileHigh]

Wasn't referring to me in that case. Of course, that's not even the only issue with us. You can't really know what a MLCer/WAS is *really* thinking. Of course you have to try. But it really is a guessing game. When they touch on something you know to be something you need to work on, sure, that's a good start. But, my W also spewed a ton of stuff during her angry phase that was total projecting, as the Freudian shrinks like to say. It was attitudes and behaviors of hers that she was completely redirecting onto me.

Linda - Yep. It hurts. She has no problem asking for financial help, but that gift is poison! :-/ She did ask if she could bring me anything on Saturday when she comes to get the kitty (I've already let kitty know it's perfectly ok to bite the OM if he's ever around. Hopefully he is allergic and hates cats). She also said she's going to dinner with [friend] from previous job and she'd come by after that. That's the first time she's ever mentioned where/when/with who she's doing something. Could mean nothing. Could even be a lie. There's that mind reading in the bad way. Because I know I should be in that mythical state of detachment. It's a struggle.

[MileHigh]

Another thing is, once my W latched onto the idea that everything in our marriage was due to me being angry (not even close, and totally ignores all the problems she brings to it, but we can expect that from a WAS/MLCer), *everything* became a sign of anger. She ranted and raved in email/FB message/text, but if I defended myself in the slightest, she'd say "there you go again being angry." She, by the way, has a pretty viscous temper, has always been very argumentative and is every bit as stubborn as me.

So.... take it *all* with a grain of salt. If it's true to you, work on it. If it's BS, let it go. Because... need I say it...
"don't believe anything they say and only half of what you see.

[KindaHappy1]

DMR,
I've read through the thread, and I wanted to thank you for sharing everything you have. Your strength throughout this has been inspiring.

Thanks

[MileHigh]

You're Welcome, KindaHappy. I generally don't have problems sharing. Usually share too much! Of course, here, that's ok. :-)

[MileHigh]

Got my username changed. Left DMR as sig because it's a needle in a haystack on google. I'll be keeping an eye out though. :-/

[MileHigh]

Someone pointed out that Google customized searches. It does, and if you're logged into any Google service (gmail, Google+) that makes a difference, too.

Funny thing is, I wasn't using Google but was using DuckDuckGo (a stupid name, but they don't collect user data, so they're my search engine of choice these days).

But, as has also been pointed out, it's not a good idea to use an ID and/or display name you have use somewhere else. Back when I created mine here, I think it was the first, then I forgot about it and started using it elsewhere, especially when all the social media stuff started.

Oddly, searching my old username on Google didn't bring up any results from here (at least as far as I felt like scrolling).

Anyway, enough computer talk and paranoia for one day. :-)

[MileHigh]

So, Saturday, after W goes to dinner with a friend of ours (a former co-worker of hers, but a friend of both of us), she's coming to pick up the cat. You never know how it's going to go with friends. I just hope she (the friend) doesn't go full-on "you need to do what's right for yourself" mode. If I was a praying person, I'd throw one in there for her to toss in a kind word for me somewhere in the conversation. :-/

It's going to be a sad day, because I'll miss the little critter, but she's been missing him already. Last time we were in this spot, our previous cat was our avenue of communication. We're supposed to be alternating time with him, so that'll be interesting. Our communications continue to be friendly and brief, and to the point. She did reply nicely to my update on the cat when I said Saturday is ok, and volunteered to bring me some stuff from the store again. She also thanked me for an update on the car maintenance reports from OnStar. She hasn't asked anything about changing that, or the bank or CC in quite a while.