One day at a time it seems. Today I once again found my thoughts often going to my W. I just feel I should apologize but understand why it would be best not to. She is always in my thoughts it seems - somewhere in the back of my mind. So many things though can bring her to be a dominant thought.
I want to share with her, but can't. I want to move past things that I know she hasn't even faced yet. I'm sad that everything came to this for us, but grateful that I have been able to have these experiences to grow. When I reflect I question the price of such things. The growth and lessons have been invaluable and I am amazed at how different I am than I was a year ago.
I wonder about her though. How does she really feel? Is she ok? Does she have thoughts of us? Regrets? Would she ever want to try again?
I know she is with another so I assume these thoughts don't exist or if they do they are of such a little priority that it doesn't motivate her to take action. However, who knows. Maybe she would like to but others are telling her not to. This type of thinking doesn't help at all, but I wanted to write out what was going through my head today as I know that I'm being advised against such contact.
The ebb and flow of things.
Thanks again for listening and for the positive reinforcement. I do wish her nothing but love and happiness, although as I said before I'd prefer if we could have seen if we could share that happiness together. Anyway, hope you have a wonderful day. Sandi, did you ever get back with your S?
together 7+yrs Married 3 Me 33 W 33 no kids BD 9/12 MC 9/12 W leaves MC 10/12 W moves out 11/12 Divorce 2/13 W moves 5/13 NC 05/13 D final 8/13
So today I received our final divorce papers. We are now officially divorced.
It really sends a message of finality to the whole situation. I'm sad about it and yet also feel some relief. I can't change the past and this certainly is a strong reminder of how we both failed in our relationship.
Without effort from her there can be no R. Our R is over now and at this time there is no new R for us.
I don't know if this will be full closure for all things.
together 7+yrs Married 3 Me 33 W 33 no kids BD 9/12 MC 9/12 W leaves MC 10/12 W moves out 11/12 Divorce 2/13 W moves 5/13 NC 05/13 D final 8/13
I'm sorry you received those today true but I hope this can help you to move forward in peace and you can find joy again soon.
I wish you nothing but the best life possible
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Thank you White Rose. Peace is something I believe that will come with time as well as joy. Thank you so much for your support.
It is time to close this chapter and to begin a new one. I don't know who the players will be - maybe she will return? All I do know is that our M is now over and that brings an end to this chapter. What's next is anyone's guess.
together 7+yrs Married 3 Me 33 W 33 no kids BD 9/12 MC 9/12 W leaves MC 10/12 W moves out 11/12 Divorce 2/13 W moves 5/13 NC 05/13 D final 8/13
Just keep focusing on yourself and working on your personal growth. It will help you to have a wonderful M one day, either to your current ex, or a new woman who will be able to appreciate you from the start because of the work you have done.
Sorry you have to go through this
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
Thank you so much for your support. I'm really glad by the way that you are working on your R and healing! That is the best thing that can happen, I can only imagine how difficult it must be, but I believe that the reward makes any struggle worth it.
I'm working on myself every day and realize I have a lot of work ahead of me. I've grown a great deal since this all began, and like I said I did everything wrong, my focus and perspective were wrong as I was continuing to argue and focus on the pain rather than focus on healing and moving forward. I drove her away with the way I responded, but at the time I was in such shock and pain and didn't know anything about DR/DB.
I know I would never make those mistakes again and I'm grateful for the education this providing me as I will be a better person, husband, and lover. I'm sad though as I know that this would be great for my W if we had just tried, or if she even had the opportunity to see the changes I have made.
I struggle with it daily, some days are good but most lately have been bad as thoughts of her enter my mind.
I'll just keep moving forward and resist the urge I have today to call or write or do anything. I don't want to bother her, I want her to be happy. That said I would prefer the option of us. At this point it is just for growth and my focus must be on the future. Some days are easier, today is a day that I want to pick up the phone. Today is a day I want to tell her how wrong I was in how I handled this and how stupid all of this was. Today I just want to tell her just that and that I'm thankful for the love we had together and that I do love what we had and that she will always have a piece of my heart.
Sure I'd like to have something more. I'd like to explore to see if we could be friends again, to see if that could grow if we could love each other, trust each other, and be in love with each other again.
together 7+yrs Married 3 Me 33 W 33 no kids BD 9/12 MC 9/12 W leaves MC 10/12 W moves out 11/12 Divorce 2/13 W moves 5/13 NC 05/13 D final 8/13
Give yourself time to grieve. D is like a death and it is much better to deal with your feelings than to sweep them under the rug like many people do.
Thank you for the kind words about my M. I can tell you with certainty that if we didn't have children, we would be D'd. It took me too long to really get it and H never would have stuck around that long w/o children. I am so grateful I found MWD, the books and this site and I think everyone here feels that way sooner or later.
The personal growth is what changes the dynamics of the M. It will help you so much in the long run and you will be much happier for it. In the meantime, don't deny the feelings you have or think you should be past them. I am so sorry you are going through this pain and I will send prayers and positive thoughts your way.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
You sound amazing. I hope other will be inspired by reading your post. I don't know if anyone could have a better mental attitude than what you presently have. I don't know who met but they must have been a blessing to you b/c you left carrying the positive energy, joy, peace, good will toward others...especially your W. when you process these qualities, you heal faster, IMHO. You will deal with the sadness, but you have your sense of direction. That is so important b/c may LBS's are so blown to bits they afen't capable of seeing beyond their immense pain. Instead of seeking the spiritual inspiration, the stay focus on their loss, and the results are not pretty. Regrets, bitterness, anger, and several other negative qualities continue to shred what ever is left of this person who is more like the living dead compared to this fresh picture you have given to possibilities for people who decide they will love their S from a distance, and in the meantime enjoy life by freeing yourself of hatred, vindictiveness, and that whole ugly scene, and replace it by the the things that keep our soul in step with peace, joy, and good will toward others.
Whatever, wherever you found these people, I hope you can keep them near to be a source of inspiration, I just know that has to rub off on more folks around here!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
