AS..first off hope you are feeling better soon...(((. ))))
Thank you, if the two choices are getting better or dying, then either option is better than what I've been suffering the last week, LOL!
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Secondly, why do you think W doesn't want your help?
I really don't know, I guess maybe it goes back to the comment she made to her school mate that me taking care of her was her "worst nightmare" or something to that effect. So she may actually be repulsed by the idea. Also it seems that she's pushing me farther out as she let's OM closer in to her life. I stopped by to visit on.. Saturday I think? OM and D16 were cooking a meal together while W sat in the living room, it was all quite chummy! I'm just glad she's getting through her recovery smoothly though, even if it doesn't involve me that much. The chemo and radiation don't start for a while and will be much more debilitating, she may need a lot more help then.
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I have to envision you as AS and AS'sW with corresponding t shirts on stick figures.
That won't do at all! I'm average height, slender, muscular, short dark brown hair (although it shocks me to get a haircut, I always wonder who threw all that silver-grey hair on me and where it came from), awesome golden-brown tan, always a smile with big dimples, grey eyes, really nice teeth (I earned the right to say that after years of braces and surgery!). W is short, pretty face, blue-green eyes, blonde hair (used to be real, LOL!), on the heavy side, very sweet and easy to talk to person. That's got to be better than stick figures
Hey all, some of you may have noticed my absence, I've continued to get more and more ill. At this point I've lost 20 pounds. I can scarcely believe when I look in the mirror, I've lost so much muscle mass it's crazy. I went back to the doctor earlier this week and I still had strep throat, plus they did a blood workup and I have mono too. I had mono about 30 years ago and thought you couldn't get it more than once, but according to the doc it can flare back up if the body is dragged down far enough. It all goes back to the pharmacy screwing up my prescription, instead of healing, the strep just festered and opened the door to the mono flaring up. So now it's just a waiting game, recovery time from mono is about 6 weeks. I've spent a lot of time moving from my bed to my couch to my recliner, LOL! There's nothing worse than taking a nap and waking up feeling like you need a nap, haha! I have to force myself to eat, I just have no appetite. What annoys me the most about the timing is this would have been a great opportunity to help my W after her surgery, and instead she doesn't even want me to come over because she's afraid I'll pass my germs on to her.
A followup on W's surgery- she ended up having to go back in because the surgeon wasn't happy that she had removed enough material from around the tumor. She went in yesterday and everything went fine. I took some flowers over to her, but I didn't go in because of her concern about my mono, I just gave them to the kids and left. OM's truck was there, so I didn't particularly want to go inside anyway.
W will recover from the surgery for a month before starting chemo. I think that is going to be a lot more debilitating than the surgery was, so hopefully by then I'll be well on my way to healing and can help out more.
Not much else to report, there's been no further discussion of D, probably because she's postponing it until she's done with the cancer treatments.
I am sorry you are going through so much - physically and emotionally.
Hang in there - you are a strong man and you know all of this will pass and better, brighter days will come for you.
It is amazing that despite what you are going through, you are still thinking about your wife's well-being. You are a good man.
Please take care of yourself. Eat well and get some rest.
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
I talked to W last night and I misunderstood what she told me before, it turns out the reason the surgeon wanted to go back in is the "margins" around the tumor had precancerous cells in them. So the surgeon is concerned that the cancer was not removed. The surgery last Friday was to remove more margin material to see if the precancerous cells extend out any further. W has already decided that if they find more precancerous cells from Friday's surgery then she is going to proceed with the double mastectomy. She should hear back today or tomorrow.
Originally Posted By: keep_going
I am sorry you are going through so much - physically and emotionally.
Thank you, it really has just wiped me out!! I just can't believe the timing, I couldn't have gotten sick at a worse time.
Originally Posted By: 7720
Man sorry to hear this and no one to take care of you!
Yeah, I'm not going to lie, being sick AND alone is pretty sucktacular, LOL! The kids are back with me this week, even though they're not helping me much it's nice to have the companionship.
Originally Posted By: SailingAlone
You didn't mention, did your W show any concern about your sickness? Or does she not really see how sick you are?
It's kind of hard to explain, but she's always kind of left me alone when I'm sick. I mean she would check on me to see if I needed anything, but she's not one of those compassionate, nurturing types if that makes sense. She has asked how I'm doing, but she's got more on her plate than I do so I don't blame her for not running over to check on me. She also has concerns that if she's exposed to me it may make her sick since her immunities are depressed right now from the surgery. I totally understand her position.
W got the results back on the margins and they are still questionable, but the surgeon advised to skip further surgery and proceed with the radiation treatments (and possibly chemo, waiting for more test results that will determine that). W's spirits are higher now, I think now that a plan is mapped out it takes some of the stress off.
She did tell me her mower broke, so I went over while she was at work and fixed it for her and mowed her yard as it was getting really long. Also sprayed weedkiller on all the weeds in the beds. I've been emailing or calling her every couple of days just to check and see how she is, to see if she needs anything and to offer some encouragement.
W knows how much I suffer when I go through strep throat, she surprised me a couple of nights ago when she stopped by and gave me her painkillers (same as what I was initially prescribed but was running low on). She doesn't need them anymore, but refilled the prescription just to give to me. I thought it was a nice gesture.
I'm slowly getting over the mono, my energy levels are maybe 75% of normal but that's a huge improvement over a week ago. I'm going to get back in the gym on Monday and start some light workouts. My doc told be I should start getting some exercise again as it will speed the healing process.
Good to hear you are finally starting to feel better. You have a lot on your plate and seem to be handling it well.
Just out of curiosity, what has been your thoughts besides feeling that it was a nice gesture for your W to bring over her painkillers? You two have a long history together and part of me thinks that things may just work out for you yet.
Is OM still in the picture during the surgery and hospital time your W has been going through?
Some women are very independant as far as not wanting any help from their H, but i think you fixing her mower and mowing the lawn and offering her help if she needs anything will not go unnoticed even if she says she doesn't need anything from you like my XW does.
Hope your weekend goes well.
Me: 41 W: 36 M:9 yrs Together: 12 yrs Kids S7 S4 BD: 01/13 W filed 5/13 D final 8/13
Good to hear you are finally starting to feel better. You have a lot on your plate and seem to be handling it well.
Thank you
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Just out of curiosity, what has been your thoughts besides feeling that it was a nice gesture for your W to bring over her painkillers? You two have a long history together and part of me thinks that things may just work out for you yet.
I don't know what to think of her actions, I really don't. She's made no effort to reach out to me at all. But yet she still does things for me now and then, like the above, and like getting me some nice gifts on my bday a couple of months ago and taking me to dinner. Maybe she's trying to keep me on the hook as plan B, who knows.
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Is OM still in the picture during the surgery and hospital time your W has been going through?
Yeah, after both surgeries when I went to visit her OM was there (and so were our kids). He made dinner for her. I really don't know what else he's been doing if anything. I still don't know what the nature of their R is, I assumed the worst but she's always insisted they're just friends and I've seen no evidence to the contrary except for her FB comments that I posted a while back, which could just point to a one-way EA on her part.
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Some women are very independant as far as not wanting any help from their H, but i think you fixing her mower and mowing the lawn and offering her help if she needs anything will not go unnoticed even if she says she doesn't need anything from you like my XW does.
She does seem grateful for the help even though she hasn't really asked for any!
