Questions without answers...am I stuck in place?

[uRworthy]

Oh and Dawn, you should have zero expectations, but, never lose hope. There is always hope.

[RosaLinda]

Dawn Marie, you are a wise woman to step back and let your H be, just see how this plays out. 

It sounds like he may be begining to truly comprehend that all the things that he tried, the smoking, drinking, drugs, EA, all those fast friends, were not able to stop his pain. Maybe he has hit the bottom and can start to make the steep climb out of the tunnel. 

But even though what he said was true, it may not "take" and remain iin his mind for any length of time. My H says a lot of things that make sense, sound ss if he is really thinking deeply, and make me believe he's coming around, then he's off onto some whacko tangent the next day. I hope and pray that your H will be able to do the right thing for you and your family. 

But while he's spinning and trying to figure this out, please try to keep positive, hopeful, but detached. Good luck Dawn. Please keep us posted on how it's going today.

[makingmagic]

Hi DawnMarie.... WOW... just catching up. Sounds like overnight he flipped a switch. Has he said this before? I am confused by your 1 month comment... can I ask what that is about?

I would be reeling too, if I were you... Try to get out for a walk and clear your head.

My thoughts are "WITH" you... Take care of yourself. Zero Expectations!! Stay detached, its better for you!

Keep us posted..

Magic

[nero]

hey dawn-

oh man- your life sure is taking it's twists & turns. congrats on keeping mum in face of giant insanity.

will be truly interesting to see wehre all the chips fall with this all-

i hope you're okay. i sure can share the misery of the UNCERTAINTY- I GUESS it's just what we're stuck with til the dust settles.

it's the worst part - isn't it? the not knowing and always fearing the worst - or something like that.

it makes me nuts- oh well tho, huh? better than being dead i guess.

hope you're holding up okay-

h just asked me when i thought i'd want to go back up north. honestly- at the moment while my sister is unemployed and visitng my mother daily- i could stay away as long as i can.

i guess i'll say another week or two- i used to stay a month- it's nice to get around to visitng ere and still SHOULD get a mamorg ram, etc. some junk I put off.

we'll see. i guess if i tell him that- he'll tell me he's GOT TO go visit ow - you know, get laid. i mean- really - how long could a guy go living with an unappealing lump (that would be me) while ole glamour dog-eye lard butt iw out there yearning & butrning for him. gimme what ya got big boy.

well, or gimme what ya got big girl!

iick ick ick

oh well- hoperfully i'll have your wisdom and control and say nothing. otherwise- ka bam- giant blow out. talk about stress huh?

how do we do it? why do we do it? idk

xxoo wish me luck

[albamarie]

Makingmagic,

I asked him to move out 9/1, I am all confused about that now.

He never flipped a switch like this before, it probably is a lot of lip service anyways, it won't be good w/o the job tho, that was my security.

~~~~thanks everyone! uR, I plan on standing way back, I am also teaching him how he needs to treat me, no more demanding, he has no manners.

I don't know if this is a flip as much as it is a realization, like Linda said that nothing he does he working. This is a kinda bottoming out for him.

It does make it way to hard to keep my date without that steady income being direct deposited. I don't even know if he will make enough just for the house at this point.

This is where Nero's fear of poverty kicks in and my need for perfect bookkeeping shows me it's not good.

He has changed the game...did he beat me to it in fear? S22 said he see's H as a big ball of hurt and fear.

what about me?

[makingmagic]

Now Im confused... you want your M back... here it comes. Who cares about the job stuff (for now). Am I missing something?

[albamarie]

I guess I just don't trust anything about this move, he is still addicted to EA why would he give that up, that's the party.

You may not have read that I have reached a point where I no longer know what I'm standing for, I have reached my limit of patients.

~~~The problem is he has lost too much humanity w us, closeness and trust, I don't know if he can make the right, he's not the type to apologize or grovel. I have to stay strong.

This move stinks for me. I have no guaranteed income or life insurance on him, or health. It ties me to him more. It was fine for me to push him to move while he had the night job. The job grounded him there, now what...he's gonna sneak to the far north side to see EA and tell me some stupid story.

I am not going to go another round, same sh!t different day with him.

Did he make a move keeping in mind that I did put a date on him? I don't thinks so...I don't think he would leave his job of 20yrs because I told him to get ready to move out.

I asked him to leave the job 8yrs ago, expressing my need for him to be home at night, and to expand on his freelance business. I also saw it was too much.

No, he gave it up because they came down on him, it wasn't to protect his M.

Even tho he said he left all that back at the job, and is coming "home" to even L me again, I don't believe it one bit. I guess if he proves me wrong, I don't wanna be right.

[makingmagic]

WOW... U must be reeling... not knowing which way is up or down.

BREATHE!!

At what point were you unsure of your standing? Was it BEFORE or after you put a date on him? What made you reach your limit?

I'd be more confused than ever, if in your shoes.

I guess time will tell.... is he living wtih you and kids?

[kml]

Hey - he's been working towards this for a bit, and he just finally woke up. It CAN happen that way, and I think it's a good thing.

It's too bad about the benefits, but do remember - you can Cobra your insurance for 18 mos, and one of the good things about Obamacare is that starting next year you can't be excluded for pre-existing conditions, so it will be feasible to buy your own insurance in 2014.

[albamarie]

MMagic-

Yes, he has always lived w us. He doesn't want to move out. I was done because I no longer want to watch him live his life w/o me, and party w EA. He can go do that somewhere else. I just reached my limit of him being so comfortable with life as it is.

That's why he has to go. I have been unsure of my Standing for a few months now. My H suffers from extreme anger and depression.

Hey - he's been working towards this for a bit, and he just finally woke up. It CAN happen that way, and I think it's a good thing.

will be feasible to buy your own insurance in 2014.

Thank you soo much KML for your uplifting look on this, I am not able to do that for myself, not on ounce of my being is able to be positive so I appreciate any positive thinking.

I will let it carry me for now while I am not able to walk that road myself.

Honestly, the insurance issue would be nothing, no problem, if there was something positive out of this, if he was true, if there was/is a M to work on.

I would have lived in a tent to have him quit and never had gone thru this.

I am not sure how to be, I am not doing anything different, I am still detached around him. Good thing he's freelancing all weekend, I need this time.