Questions without answers...am I stuck in place?

[uRworthy]

I get about the fear of your financial life. Mine is in ruins.

Aside from that, D, just take your time here and sit with it a bit.

Time will tell exactly what is going on. In the meantime, you keep growing, stay detached, GAL, and all.

Leave him to this. He needs to figure himself out. You need to let him.

Try not to stress too much.

This could be a step in the right direction.

He could have realized what he would lose.

Either way, you take care of you.

[nero]

hey dawn-

asusual - yikes... you are rite to just step back and wait and see (i think) it's all that we can do - REALLY.

I HATE IT alot soemtimes, well, all the time. i'd love to jump in with a big old flashy move- BUT THEN THE $$ is a huge consideration if we're going to be adults about this -

taking care of self- may just also mean seeing to that also. i know i'm a fearful person about it- i know i can go survive SOMEHOW - BUT I'm not thinking it will be pretty. ih ate the thought of suffering and worrying like mad paycheck to paycheck like anyone else. i know i laugh about it or joke- but it's not all that funny - the bottom line.

if you're the excellent bookkeeper- me too, about finding every single penny when i balance the checkbook -

i like KNOWING . i haven't KNOWN one daRN THING i can hang my hat on since i found out about ow and we had the first big blast.

i know as much NOTHIN now as i did then. i'm one bit more chilled out about it- look at me- i whine like mad and then continue to have this life- accept the support - wonder when he'll pull that rug out- SINCE HE'S SOOOOOOO IN LOVE WITH HER- BLAH BLAH BLAH.

i'm guessing this is a very rough part - geeez - not fair- we conquer the mangled heart in there- manage not to be bleeding and in a fog every day-

and NOW THIS- HAVING to go around actually wondering and worrying about our very survival.

by that i mean- we'll survive - but will i be living under a stinking bush in ft.lauderdale behind dunkin doughnuts? or will i have a roof over my head? one wonders sometimes.

oh well rite??? it's mighty nice not to be $hit poor. i can't escape it- . THEN it makes me grateful that he is paying for stuff and enabling me to help my stinkin mother that i gripe all the time about- if he weren't paying bills it would be SOOOO MUCH WORSE in life.

i wish like mad he'd come to place where he just had generosity of spirit toward me and would give me the stinkin half of the house TO GET RID OF ME - RATHER than the ot her way around (what it seems like to me) a way to keep me tied in here somehow.

we had a small discussion about "apologies" other day. me, i think they mean something, someone actually verbalizing their sorrow at causing pain or trouble or hurt feelings. he thinks it's all nothin. he says an apoligy doesn't mean one darn thing to him-

can ya even reason with someone who says stuff like that? why wouldn't it mean something to know a person felt contrition for hurting you- or causing you pain?

he is soooo deluded. in the same breath he's mad at his aunt for crapping on his head while he's trying to help her - what DOES he think that feeling is??? he's hurt by her carelessness of his feelings.

OH MAN- HELLOOOOO - WHO IS IN THERE - ANYONE??? can his brain be that "stopped"? aparently.

i still don't know about facebook. a neice had a lovely boyfriend who worked for microsoft - and he said no doubt about it- every single thing you put on line- is somewhere accessible to someone looking.

THAT BEING SAID - TA DA - here i am spilling my stupid guts allover the road on this forum. if it were not a matter of survival and sanity- i'd have not gone here either.

oh well huh- i guess at some point all the fear gets tossed out the window to save oneself.

like me gnawing my leg off to get out of the trap? wonder if i will???


oh well- from the land of the half-dead here- picture me zombie like walking around not talking & not enthusiing and not laughing and participating -

icky woman- who would EVEN WANT A ZOMBIE ANYWAY??? this not being charming old self and being detached is a really wierd one.

good luck to you my dear- it'll be okay IN the end. just don't know what that will be. be your old controlled self and keep watchign and trying to be still- the financial bit is a bad one and a bigh one. i'm sooo sorry he quit that job.

i get your anger & pain- this stupid h of mine- when he pulled out the old "we have to talk" - so mething he NEVER SAID IN 38 YEARS - NO KIDDING - NOT EVEN ONCE (nothering ever that important) yet that other trip he said it- because he needed to tell me he had to go visit ow and i could stay in fl or go to nj-

can you die. ??? well, let me change that - can you klll??? i probably could have.

oh well- we are to ac=ssume this will allll make us stronger (probably more obnoxious & bitter as well) women.

onward and upward. see how it all plays out i guess- like we have alot of choices rite???

love ya man

xxo

[nero]

ya know-

sooooo- just when you think you've gotten up to some darn mountain top here- then you look and see a whole field of them -yet to be climbed.

you can do it- you've come sooo far- we all have-

so what's another stinkin mountaitn? i'm askin ya. adjust those goggles - pitch your little tent and have a good nite sleep- and just wake up and get walkin again -

one of these years we'll alllll be on the other side-

THIS IS what i'm tellin me today too- we can do it...

it aint over til it's over

xxooo (((( )))) hang on

[makingmagic]

I like what nero just said "it aint over til its over".....Keep on, keeping on.

I guess I would be very skeptical about the OW... how transparent is he willing to be?

I hope he is realizing what he stands to lose.... I wish they ALL would realize!!! They ALL need new perscription glasses!! (clearer vision!)

[RosaLinda]

I hope so too Dawn. I understand what you mean about having been willing to live in a tent with him. Finances, or the lack of, are a big part of MLC. There are so many threads where part of the MLCer's craziness is out of control spending, hiding secret credit cards and stuff like that. Someone, SA I think, said his wife bought $3,000 of clothes just on herself in May! That would put a dent in the household budget!

I really think your H's statements show that he is realizing that his running has not helped him. But it seems to be hard for them to give up their OW completely. Hopefully your H really means it that he has given her up. Trying to drop a MLC OP is probably like trying to quit smoking or drinking. They get lots of comfort from the smoking, drinking, boinking. Just drop OP cold turkey seems like the best way to me.

Enjoy your weekend while he's working. Do something nice for yourself Dawn. Ice cream always helps me!

[nero]

ya know guys- i agree. i could have lived in a tent- i could have gotten a job and "saved" us - i could have done anything.

i proably still could/would- if i were SURE

if you're together -it makes it all okay and doable. this separate lives stuff is what will kill us all- (well -us here anyway)

you know- united you stand, divided we fall. heeelllllpppp- i'm faaaalllllllllling.....

ta da (who knows tho -maybe like any good old stupid movie you hit a stinkin ledge and don't crash to your death.

i need to watch my language- in teh car other day my litle neice - as i was yelling at some car in traffic who cut me off (and keeping it clean btw) - so she's was yelling from the back seat - "move your stinkin butt buddy" - or something similar...

oh man- did i she get that 'stinkin" from me??/ she says she knows it's "car language" and we don't use it anywehre else on earth- fingers crossed with that...

her self-righteous father lives for a reason to lecture her grandmotehr or i - oh man. everyone's lookin for their power aren't they???

just spreading joy whereever i go huh..

[nero]

SOOOO DAWN-

HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOOD ONE- CANNOT WAIT FOR next exciting installment of - well, whatever - your "adventure" there.

good luck and hope it's good. seems to be on upswing- tho no expectations of course- little grain of hope tho- only in secret - hidden away- where no one can see it -

xxoo

[albamarie]

What if what we are going thru is a test, this test is a mirror, a mirror that reflects who we are, how we react during our hardest times.

What if we were meant to go through this journey, would we be reflecting on who we are as a person if we weren't, or letting life's busy days consume us.

I can only speak for myself, I know I was all consumed with H, my kids, the house, money, a life I may not have really a been participant of, I let myself go.

Just hours before my H quit his job he told me he does everything for us good and bad, for our benefit he has gone crazy. Then he looked me in the eye and asked can that be enough for me to understand he's not trying to hurt me, or hate me, it's all he has left to give of himself.

If my M is over I am content in knowing it is because I say it's over. It's not what H wants, I believe when he says that, but I'm the one who has to look in the mirror and like who I see.

I was never one to believe that an A was the end of a M. I was so bold as to say I would not let another woman's (insert ugly word here) tear down my M.

Today I can still say it is not the A, is was brief and w someone really beneath me, tho it did violate something precious between us, it's not the emotional scare that won't heal.

I have replace my love language with angry words toward my H, but yet these words seem to have a great passion of their own.

I am ready to move on, away from him, but am I ready to let go? That seems to be the last step in truly knowing when your done.

I speak as if there is no hope...I'm protecting myself...I believe there is no hope. I don't feel M, I do feel cared for, protected, but not M to the L of my life, so no H it's not enough for me.

[uRworthy]

Dawn, I believe everything in life is a test of sorts. And so, we should always try to be our best self.

If my M is over I am content in knowing it is because I say it's over. It's not what H wants, I believe when he says that, but I'm the one who has to look in the mirror and like who I see.

Absolutely ^^^^, my friend.

The affair is not the emotional scar that won't heal.

I am so glad to hear you say that. It would be a terrible injustice for you to carry that around with you the rest of your days.

I am ready to move on, away from him, but am I ready to let go? That seems to be the last step in truly knowing when your done.

You will let go when you are ready. It is a process, Dawn. Not necessary to do it all at once. Nor should you let it drag out indefinitely.

I speak as if there is no hope...I'm protecting myself...I believe there is no hope. I don't feel M, I do feel cared for, protected, but not M to the L of my life, so no H it's not enough for me.

I have to say that I believe there is always hope in life. But if that feeling helps protect you from the hurt right now, then that is what you need to feel.

The thing is this. There is no right way to go about this. We are all so different, our spouses different, our sitches all uniquely ours. And so, we walk this journey in our own way.

I can feel your sadness, Dawn and I am so sorry. You will not always feel like this. I promise you that. And when you are ready, you will let him go. As you said, you will leave the door open a crack and see what happens in the future. For now, just feel what you feel, then let it go and continue on your journey.

[job]

Hi Dawn,
How are you today?

BTW, it's time to start a new thread. Any ideas for a title?