Does it matter if its WAW or MLC, treat the same?

[Whiterose]

great news about the house Thumpered! that's very exciting.

I hope you enjoy your classes.....I'm thinking of taking some cooking classes (I'm actually quite a good cook and am thinking sushi or something different)

[Thumpered]

Well crap, I was working late helping a friend, and my agent called again to say the bank just called him back, the people that had the 6 oclock showing put an offer in and the house has been sold, in 2 darn hours. This housing market is getting crazy now.

[Verum]

Thumpered, too bad about the house, but nice to be propositioned by the waitress

On top of my crazy home-life I have my own construction problems involving permits for remodeling -- permits that I did not get and now need to get after the work is done. Funny how stuff like this would have bothered me immensely but now it just rolls off. The problems in my R make every other problem seem insignificant.

[chasingpavements]

That is too bad about the house not working out... maybe the deal will fall through! I like the fixer-upper idea.. that is perfect for you!

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Here is a quote from an unknown source and I think most of here would agree with this:

"Real Love
Many people think that real love is just a feeling. You know, the “I’m in love and it’s wonderful” feeling. It’s important to understand that it’s relatively easy to get this feeling while dating.

If real love is just a feeling, feelings come and go. But real love doesn't come and go. Love is patient and kind. Love isn’t jealous, rude, selfish, or easily angered. Love keeps no record o...f wrongs. Love finds no joy in evil, but rejoices in what is right. Love is supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. Love never fails.

Real love is much more than the feeling of being “in love”, it’s a lifelong commitment. When you say that you love your significant other, you are saying that you are committed to loving them for the rest of your life - for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, from this day forward, until death do you part. Real love never fails. (Please keep in mind that you can have real love for your significant other even though you don’t have the feeling of being “in love” all the time - even happily married couples report that they sometimes don’t have the feeling of being “in love.)

Think of it this way, if a person has real love for another person, it’s like the sun, it’s always there no matter what (remember that even when it’s night, the sun is still there, it’s just shining on the other side of the earth - and when it’s cloudy outside the sun is also still there, it’s just behind the clouds). The feeling of being “in love” is like sunshine - even though we would like it to be sunny everyday, the truth is that sunshine comes and goes. I’m hoping that this explanation is helping you to see that it’s possible for a person to have real love for another person and not feel “in love” with that person at a particular moment.

So when you hear someone say, “I don't love him or her anymore” - take it for what it really is. It’s someone saying that they have lost the feeling of being “in love”, that they don’t know how or they are not willing to make the effort required to get back the feeling of being “in love”, and that they never had real love for that person to begin with because real love never fails.

Real love is what keeps people together for 50 or 60 years."

It seems to me that our leaving spouses are hung up on the feeling of being in love. If we want them back, we are going to somehow find a way to be more "in love"able

[RockJC]

I always thought this way. I never realized, until this year, that my wife didn't. Funny how you can be so close to someone for so long and not really know how they think.

[mizjjd]

It seems to me that our leaving spouses are hung up on the feeling of being in love.

My H to a T.

If we want them back, we are going to somehow find a way to be more "in love"able

Idk about this. "In love" never lasts. So even though we might morph into Mr/Ms Loveable, the fix will only be temporary. I don't know that there can be a lasting R without a mutual belief in love being "more than a feeling".

Just my humble opinion But thanks for the quote 2ndtime, it was full of things to ponder.

Cheers

[RockJC]

//If we want them back, we are going to somehow find a way to be more "in love"able//

Or, maybe we should raise our standards and look for someone who has maturity > 17 yrs old. This view of love is immature and chidish and I personally don't want to be committed to someone who has these views.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

I posted this quote on my Facebook page and surprisingly quite a few adults disagreed with it siting examples of couples who were always "in love". Anyone read any of John Gottman's stuff about predicting which marriages will fail?

[ForeverYoung]

//If we want them back, we are going to somehow find a way to be more "in love"able//

Or, maybe we should raise our standards and look for someone who has maturity > 17 yrs old. This view of love is immature and chidish and I personally don't want to be committed to someone who has these views.

For those in MLC the search for those "in love" feelings of limerance can be a temporary thing, not something they'll long for forever.

Real love tells us not to give up so easily, even when our spouse is acting in a manner that is immature.