PON, therein lies a large part of your problem. You shouldnt be waiting on her. You should be living your life, moving forward, making changes, GAL and getting on your own bus, or train or plane, ya know?
PON, did you actually say that? LMAO! I guess since I have this "thing" about rejection, I quit thinking too much about it...you know, stoves, hot, burned.... Eventualy I do let go of things I can't control...
Been busy, busy. S1 bounced in from fire, then deployed out again to Oregon, so had lots to wash, clean, re-stock...
Got out for a great hike Sunday, got a wee bit of trail running in, rock scrambles in at about 8000 ft.
Been working nights covering for the night guy, and we are expanding our business, so lots of project work to do.
So, very distracted...
W has been consistently nice, a bit less withdrawn, but working through stuff based on the books lying around.
Not much else to report. Which is a good thing I reckon...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
You are working on you, then don't take her crap personally first, then decide what and how you are going to respond...what response will get you to YOUR goal?
But first, stop taking it personally, imo. That's tough to do, I know. But if you can find NO reason that YOU caused for her to be that way, then it is HER issue, so it's illogical to take it personally.
But you have to be honest with yourself to be sure that YOU did nothing in reality to "make" her react/act that way. Hope that all makes sense.
Keep going!
Phenomenal advice - easier to see from the outside though and hard to implement. Like the title thread also.....
Stay strong!
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
"Been busy, busy. S1 bounced in from fire, then deployed out again to Oregon, so had lots to wash, clean, re-stock... Got out for a great hike Sunday, got a wee bit of trail running in, rock scrambles in at about 8000 ft. Been working nights covering for the night guy, and we are expanding our business, so lots of project work to do. So, very distracted... W has been consistently nice, a bit less withdrawn, but working through stuff based on the books lying around."
I'm glad your W seems less withdrawn, T, that is GOOD news! And glad to hear you were able to run on the trail and rock climb too, are you feeling better? Your son must be in heaven, deployed again!
I'm trying to follow your very excellent advice not to take everything my H says and does personally. It's hard though, a lot of it seems personal! He's a tad cranky because his visa has not been approved yet, and the scam company he used advertised 7 to 15 days. Ah well, there's still a month before he leaves. And I'm sure RT will come up with some alternate scam plan to this one she cooked up.
I read in this self-help e-book I bought that women should assume that 99% of the things their Hs say and do have absolutely nothing to do with them. My H has even told me that I think about RT more often than he does
As a man, do you think this is true? Women are the total opposite, we think about relationships a lot, even women who are not Standers.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Yes, S1 is soooo happy to be deployed again, it's his passion and I think addiction, lol. This one is several complexes so maybe it'll be a longer term deployment.
And yes, I feel so much better... altitude, clean air and the forest and mountains renew me. Need to get some backpacking in soon, just most of my favorite known spots are burning or at high risk to burn....sigh. Studying the topos for somewhere new and such.
It is tough to not take things personally, especially when they are directed at you, but once you get in the habit it builds. But I still slip there sometimes and have to catch myself and ask my self my own questions...
I think 99% may be a bit high, maybe more useful to figure out what "room" or "compartment" our minds are in first, then go from there as to whether it has much to do with you...?
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So W is going for getting employed at the thrift store she is volunteering at. She knows and likes the people, likes that what she does helps kids, and it is close and bike-able, though it won't pay as much as if she were to temp at offices. And she can get 30 hours or less. I have been completely supportive and encouraging, and truly appreciate her reasoning...makes sense, and she feels good about it, whereas temping maybe not so much. W feeling good and her self-esteem rising are very important to me.
And her choices (actions) here may indicate which way she is thinking regarding R/M. The extra income will really help the family, but wouldn't make much of a solo life, at all. But I could be wrong. Though I keep seeing more and more of "real" W, so...just gonna roll with it and see what comes out of the cocoon.
My gut/intuition feels okay...calm and quiet. So I will match up the rest of me to my gut, calm and quiet. Just be myself.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Eventualy I do let go of things I can't control...