Funny, all this talk about laundry. H didn't go to work last night and spent the night doing the laundry, and cleaning up. Tho he's trying to declare some independence he never does anything just for himself, he always included everything I may need as well.
I woke up as he was putting towels in the closet and I said hi, he may have groaned but I know for sure he wasn't pleasant nor did he even look at me. Ok, don't take it personal Dawn.
I am mulling over his actions and not the ''reaction'' I would have liked. Is it smart to see he was in a funk and yet he wasn't selfish or verbally trying to take it out on me as he quietly cleaned house and closed the door as he left for work?
Or, am I making excuses? There was a poster who once said I make excuses for him, I don't see it, but I also would hate to think I do.
It does bother me that he ''turns it on'' at work. A pic of him was sent out showing him at work smiling ear to ear, and my S22 who works with him says H is quite the talker, and also says he doesn't even think H knows he has a switch.
I guess when he comes home there is no need to switch on, or pretend, so I get the guy who nobody else would recognize. I don't react also because I guess I'm not trying to take the "home'' out of coming home. Smart? Door mate? Weak?
~Rh, thanks so much for sharing your story! I am going to go back to some of your other threads, you are an inspiration.
the best comparison I have to my H past history is he rarely does what he says, and he's bark is way worse than his bite. He has said since BD that he cannot be sweet or loving to anyone anymore, but if I need that I should pay close attention to his actions.
He put a monetary value on himself saying as long as he continues to kill himself working, that is his loyalty to this family, take that as the best way he can humanly love us.
~ Just a day ago he said I worry too much and to just let it play out. He is teetering between saying EA is forever and several times now saying he's hoping to be done w her.
I am keeping cool, I still keep my date in mind, and I have been focus on myself more. Talking to people more has been a very big help and I look forward to more changes coming my way.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
~ Just a day ago he said I worry too much and to just let it play out.
I get from H,
Why are you always rushing things? You just have to wait to see how it all works out!
Really Dawn, what is WRONG with us! Not wanting to move at the speed of a glacier. Not being willing to spend our lives on someone else's timetable. We are just a couple of ninnies
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Your h is so confused. I do think actions speak louder than words. I also think it is good for you to have that date in your head because it allows you to be able to think, I just have to put up with this for another month.
On the other hand, you can still monitor behaviour, adjust your actions as needed and see what happens in that month.
So, sit back and watch. You'd be surprised at what you might learn.
Thanks UR, THis came with such perfect timing. I am trying to sit back quietly, but my finger is right on the trigger!
~~~~I am reeling at H's comment to "let the devil (EA) contact him. He wishes he could tell me what it means to him, tho he's not doing anything wrong.
It's all wrong, I hate hate hate how wrong it is. He said something about pushing him (I was tuning him out), and then he said all the hardship in his life is for us, the family, does that make sense and is it good enough for me.
He has no logic, only anger.
I just want to scream get out of my life then, I hate your face...the sound of your voice makes my ears bleed. There is nothing worth Standing for, I look forward to nothing about him.
He called me jealous, I'm sickened by his twisted efforts to believe his flip is what is now motivating him to work hard. There is nothing there, nobody is home, H has left the body, I'm jealous that I can't WAW.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
Oh Dawn, you sounded so frazzled right there, I really think it would help ypu to get away. Or your H - isn't he pretty busy with his work right now? Maybe he'll stay awy for a few days and you can have some peace.
Don't give up Dawn. Even if you stop standing for a while or forever, din't give up on life.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Well here I am 2.5hours later and h is back after having quite his night job.
I'm a little sick to my stomach and to confused to say anything.
He said, I'm home! I said but you haven't been home in a long time, he said I am home, I said no until I realized what he may be saying. He said I'm home, I'm leaving my job, my anger, EA, hopefully smoking, and coming home, it feels like a giant weight off, I may even be able to love you again!
We are losing our health, dentis, vision, and life insurance, as he leaves 2 yrs prior to retirement.
He said it will be ok, we will be provided a way. He does have a career having nothing to do w the night work that he can go full time in, night was our benifts job.
He disclosed that he was rerouting 2 checks to start his own bank account that he will no longer need and will return to the family account.
He quickly mentioned the last two yrs ( of he!!) as if its over, saying he gained nothing from it, God didn't come to him. I said well your parents/ brothers came and I, well I....I stopped right there, and just said His guidance comes...you just have to learn to recognize it.
So I'm taking my advise and trying to recognize what this may be meaning for us, but honestly I hold zero hope, or at least I have zero confidence. When in doubt say nothing. Put it in Gods hand, Snodderly, that's the only thing I have left, and how I react, I have that.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
