It's so much a rerun of last time around it's almost surreal. Doesn't mean the outcome can't be different, so I'll try to remember the line about expectations.
That was predictably awkward. She looks like a nervous wreck. She's looking very gaunt and tired.
I loaded the chair in the car for her when she got here. She came out and kind of helped - not sure if it was really to help or to keep an eye on me. I told her when she got here how tired I was from the on-call work last night and that I was going to go in the back room and have a nap on the couch out there. So, I napped, she did laundry and left. No drama or major mishaps. It may have been awkward for her with me out there napping, but I was exhausted. Didn't really sleep at all last night or this morning after working, and I worked a little this afternoon.
The only power-play on her part was that when she left, she took my car key, without asking. Notice that she still has keys to this house. No understanding the mind of the WAW. :-/
Oh, I did remember there is something deeper about that car key. Way before the DBing days, after BD #1, when she was only a block away at OM's apartment, I got pissed and walked up there and moved the car back down the block. He he. Forgot about that one. She threw that out there during one of our email fights a couple weeks ago, mentioning that I "stole her car..." not that it was *hers* in the sense that we mostly shared one car and I paid 100% of it, but...
I'm letting it slide on by. She has this car, I'm getting another one, so why fight over the key, when she 'fessed up anyway.
She was back to get some stuff and sat with the cat for a while. Surprised me texting on a Sat at 8:00. I said if it was ok I was still hanging out resting from my on-call schedule. I was just hanging on the couch, nodding off a bit while she took a few more boxes of stuff we had already packed up back when both of us were supposed to be moving to the new house. <Sigh>
Mentioned alternating time with him (not to make light of those with kids - can't even imagine what it must be like for you. We're one of those annoying childless couples with spoiled pets). She was even nice to the cat she doesn't really like.
Don't know if she's getting more comfortable being on her own (such as it is - last night she asked me to check the credit card statement to see if the couch she ordered had been billed. Remember, this was *her* card before and she was mad that I had used it to rent the car when she left me stuck here) but it's nice that she no longer sends angry messages, things from the past, or anything about OM. Of course my mind still goes on it's own flights of fancy now and then but I seem to be getting better at stopping it. So, hoping she's burned through her anger phase, and doesn't loop back into it.
Anyway, less awkward today, and even smiled as she left. It is a bit sad having interactions like friends or business partners, but it's better than fighting or arguing. I cannot even imagine what it's like for those who are in the same house with a WAS or MLC spouse. :-/
Sorry to here about your situation. I am in the same boat as you. My W is filing too. Just waiting to served. We are still living together for now for financial reasons.
We went to MC yesterday and this is when she finally stated that she wanted a D. She has been carrying that decision around for quite sometime which has caused her a lot of stress.
Now that she has got it out in the open, she has reverted back to the wonderful woman I married. I feel that the weight of our situation has been lifted off her shoulders. She is outwardly happy towards me and talks to me like a human being again. It was as is a light switch was turned on and there she was.
Its nice to see the her acting like her old self. Too bad it took a D for that to happen.
Thanks BKS. Today it was such a change that it does have my mind reeling. It could be acceptance, it could be that yesterday went well and she's more comfortable interacting because of that. It could be she had a good time last night, if you know what I mean.... :-(
I was at a bit of a disadvantage in that I was asleep on the couch when she came over, but she knew I was exhausted from work, and she usually texts that she's heading over. She must have left right after asking if it was ok.
She texted that she wasn't "stealing kitchen stuff" and that she'd go thru it and give half back, same for DVDs (this stuff was already packed for our move). I let that go without reply. I don't care about any of that, but it shows that she still feels entitled to anything. On the other hand, in her limited way, she is at least trying to be fair. That was exactly how it went last time around, too.
So, today I was level, then a bit up, then down a lot from thinking about it too much again. Slept all day, so still physically on the night shift. Ugh. Maybe I'll walk to store for exercise and provisions.
GAL, even if your mind and body are saying no! :-)
Just wanted to share a couple things I stumbled on today back to back while watching some Ted Talks videos on Netflix streaming (if that means nothing to you, no big deal. Please read on). They both resonated with me for GAL and I listed them in the order of how cool I thought they were! None of these may resonate, but if, like me, you suffer from depression, stress and health issues, and don't like to just use medication to numb the pain, you may find these interesting.
I had already been investigating Mindfulness (the less new age way to say meditation). It's something I have dabbled with in the past, but it seems to have come a long way as a discipline without all the spiritual stuff if, like me, you find that to be distracting. It's a big part of the 8 week stress reduction/pain management class my counselor recommended for me. Until that starts, I'm reading/practicing on my own with a book called Mindfullnes: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World. The link is for the book and their supporting web site. Of course it's at Amazon, too. :-)
Jane McGonigal: The game that can give you 10 extra years of life This one is just hard to describe, but worth giving a chance. Watch the vid, and see if Jane doesn't start making you feel hopeful and a bit happy despite yourself and your situation! I was skeptical because I can't even really play computer games because of tendinitis issues, but it's not even about that, so don't let that throw you when she talks about her enthusiasm for video games - she is a game designer after all. ;-) Jane's SuperBetter video SuperBetter game site
Andy Puddicombe: All it takes is 10 mindful minutes This is another mindfullness approach, with a good web site, but I'm sticking to the book referenced above and the on-site program if I can remember to get registered for it! :-) Andy's 10 mintes of doing nothing video Andy's mindfulness site
Journaling, musing, pondering about things I *know* I can't say anywhere but here.
If she wonders why I don't just sell the house and move away (she did once, but hasn't asked again), there's the non-DBer inside me who wants to say:
"You know my hopes and dreams were all tied up in us moving together to our new home. (This was the last house I can foresee ever owning in my lifetime, given age and finances - just don't want to keep taking on mortgages that'll outlive me!) All the plans we made for home improvements and decorating together and were just beginning to implement. (My hours spent watching DIY shows and remembering all the work I did on our previous home was my prime GAL activity!). The office that was going to give me a better place to work, and the city that was going to let me return to the days when I could safely walk around the block to get the exercise I need to maintain my mental and physical health."
I just hope she *knows* all of this, even if it's just a tiny seed of a thought.
I'm just a little off-kilter today because of the seemingly massive change in her, literally over night (see previous few of my flood of posts). From looking haggard and exhausted to cheerful and happy. I know this is still right in keeping with WAS behavior, but it's still a shock to the LBS with an overactive imagination. Anyway, I *know* that I'm not to base how I feel on how she looks/acts/what she says, etc.
Did my meditation today, and am going to exercise a bit.
