Lost, confused and trying to make a stand

[SunFunOne]

Honestly - I don't think you should file right now. You are in an emotionally charged state and sometimes it is better to wait until things settle down a bit.

Will filing change anything about the way you feel right now? Probably not.

Try to redirect your thoughts as much as you can. I used the Stop sign technique when I thought my focus was too much on the pain. I allowed myself a few minutes to think about it then put up my hand & said stop & tried to think about something (Anything) else.

Believe me - I was in your shoes. The pain and hurt and anger had taken over me. It took a long time to get past it. Everyone told me my life would be good again but I did not believe it. But it IS - in fact it is BETTER than it ever was. Please believe it will get better for you too. But you must be proactive. You need to find the good things in your life & add some new ones. & you will get clarity & maybe then will be the right time to file. Or not. But it is better to do it when you are settled.

Hugs,

Barb

[kat727]

Right now she is draining you. I struggled so much with not having control of the situation. My ex had cheated when we first got married, it was easy for him as I was a flight attendant and gone so much. He promised he would never hurt me again.

I knew he had hurt me again but couldn't believe he would hurt his kids like this. I was wrong. Perhaps if I had taken the bull by the horns, but all I could think about was keeping us all together. I think it took me longer to heal because of it but I did want to know that I had tried, really tried to keep us together. When it was done...the moment he said he couldn't see us together in court, I let it go.

Find some control for yourself, it will bode well for you.

kat

[brobafet]

Barb,

I don't know what else to do. She wants out. We've filled out the paper work together and I think my best move right now is to file. I don't want this but as the saying goes, "if you love someone, set them free. I do believe you in saying it will get better and everyone is telling me the same. Even her....which is ironic and hurtful and funny all in one. I am praying and I feel better than I have today then I did on saturday and sunday. I'm not going to just let myself dwindle away. Today is a new day and I can do everything different. I know that I have God I just need to trust in him completely and letting him have all my problems is a huge thing.

[brobafet]

Kat,

My W had an EA the first time in 2005, about a year after I had gotten out of the Army. The second time was in 2009 two different men, and the guy from the first time. Two months ago it was a different man but one that I had met and was actually at our wedding. And now she has someone else. I lost myself when I left the army and even more with the first EA. I kept telling myself that if I show her that I love her and can forgive her that she will be completely mine. I was wrong. I made my mistakes and I can own up to them. I can forgive her and I am praying about it. I did it before. Control is something that I do not feel right now. I didn't sleep again last night even though I tried to go to bed early. I laid there for two to three hours waiting for it to take over.

Lord in your name, I pray that I find control, forgiveness of self and for W. I pray that You will intervene on my behalf when it comes to my children giving me the strength and wisdom to raise them. I pray that You will intervene on my behalf when it comes to myself change my heart to fit your will not mine.

[brobafet]

Ugh anxiety today.....I would love to throw the DR or DB book at her head. Tomorrow I'm working out. Haven't in two weeks I'm getting back to it. I'm quitting smoking, thankfully I don't drink. I'm completing my portfolio. I'm going to set my feet back into a church. I'm going to ignore FB.

[brobafet]

Ugh anxiety today.....I would love to throw the DR or DB book at her head. Tomorrow I'm working out. Haven't in two weeks I'm getting back to it. I'm quitting smoking, thankfully I don't drink. I'm completing my portfolio. I'm going to set my feet back into a church. I'm going to ignore FB.

[whatisis]

I know church involvement was a big part of my recovery. Join a small group and get to know some people too. In my small group I met a friend who's wife disappeared with his kids and he didn't see the kids for 17 years. It's amazing to see that he is re-married, has made and maintained contact with his oldest daughter and is thankful to God for what he has. My pain is nothing compared to that!

[brobafet]

OMG STBX is pissing me off. Doesn't help that I see her effing posts on FB. Talking about her new chapter in life. and how good everything is. THIS IS PISSING ME OFF. I wish I could hate her and this would be so much easier. Why? why? why? WHY?!?!

[sweetbabyred]

I was looking over your posts and saw that about a week ago you said you were going to ignore FB. I'd definitely recommend it.

FB is only going to make you feel worse. A lot of people use FB to try to show off how fabulous their life is, especially when it's not. My H did the same thing-trying to convince the world that life with OW was perfect, even when everything was falling apart.

Your W is probably trying to convince herself that she's happy and making the best decision, but having to watch that is just going to drive you crazy.

Hating her probably wouldn't make it any easier, but I can't say, because for some reason I still love my XH. I can't understand him, but there is still love there.

[brobafet]

Sweet,
I've logged out of fb and haven't logged back in. I know hating her wouldnt make it any easier. I'm just angry. And letting it out. I like you still love her however she's a cheater and doesn't deserve me. That is what I need to keep in mind.