Hi hfh, basically your stitch is the same as mine. My w complained that I spent too much time gaming. I know how you are feeling and as what ttd180 say her yoyoing back and forth is not pleasant, it sucked all the pma out of me and made me worst than ever.
How do I let her know I am still here and in love with her and want her back with out verbally or physically showing her or do I do nothing but work and deal with myself and my children till whatever it is that has driven her away changes
Were is your relation ship now with your wife is it getting better yet are the tools helping you are you even using them? I now I ask a lot of questions just trying to find outwhat may work compared to what doesn't work. I am learning that 180s work
Trying you say let a lot of time pass so lets say she wants to come home tomorrow do I say its probably not the right time for you yet or do I open my arms and embrace it?
I'll answer the last question, as I can't answer the other 2. If she says she wants to come back tomorrow, don't say its not the right time for you yet or open your arms and embrace her. You need to say, we need to talk about this, a lot of time has passed and I've been doing a lot of thinking about us. I still love you but I can't have you coming and going as you have been doing. Stay at your mum's for now and we'll go on a few dates and talk about things - what went wrong in the marriage, etc. You need to get her trust back so that you'll believe she'll be back for good Hope that helps
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
She knows you are still there. She knows you love her. But to a WAW, it is pressure to hear the H saying those things. It will push her further away from you, if you tell her those things you are wanting to say.
You don't have to act giddy happy. What kind of nut does that, when their M is falling apart? But it is important that you show a lot of inner strength & confidence. Instead of crying and acting as if the end of the world has come, you need to have a positive mind set, and let that positive attitude show.
I promise a positive attitude will have much better results than mopping around and trying to get her to come back.
Have you made any personal goals yet?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I agree Sandi My dilemma is that since I've been doing 180, my H has been going around telling everyone how happy we both are now that we've split up. I reckon he said this to look good to other people, so that he doesn't get slated for leaving me. My IC said I should challenge him about speaking on my behalf. What do you guys thing?
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I have im going to councling for the video game addiction and I haven't played and in over 5 weeks. I have been working out daily trying to look impressive again for her and for myself. Im trying to be more outgoing not easy for me but trying. those are a few of my goals.
I admit im struggleing with my loss I have moments of strength but more of weakness my support system isn't there because I am keeping all out of my sich for I don't want to make it worse so Ill admit I feel alone I feel abandon Im heart broken to see all I am doing to make this work yet I don't see the same with her yes I know the change will benefit me in the end but I am a athlete a competitor if she doesn't come back then I feel as if I still lose.
I have im going to councling for the video game addiction and I haven't played and in over 5 weeks. I have been working out daily trying to look impressive again for her and for myself. Im trying to be more outgoing not easy for me but trying. those are a few of my goals.
I admit im struggleing with my loss I have moments of strength but more of weakness my support system isn't there because I am keeping all out of my sich for I don't want to make it worse so Ill admit I feel alone I feel abandon Im heart broken to see all I am doing to make this work yet I don't see the same with her yes I know the change will benefit me in the end but I am a athlete a competitor if she doesn't come back then I feel as if I still lose.
Did you go on your video games all day without stopping for meals or toilet breaks? If the answer is no, then you don't need to see a councillor. Do you work? If you do then you're not addicted to video games. Forget about what makes her happy now, if the odd game on your games consoles makes you happy, then play them If you are an addict, going cold turkey will have an adverse affect on you and your health. Since my H left me, I've spent more time on my PC, mainly on DB forum and another relationship forum I go to. I've made a lot of virtual friends that I enjoy talking to. My H says he spends less time on his games and more time watching TV. This is from someone who spent a lot of time on his video games and PC games. You never know, once you start playing them again, you may not want to play them as much! Hope this helps
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
It does a bit but if she does come back the games are one of the main factors for her leaveing do to the lack of attension I was giving her so for me it may be better that I just stay away the thought of her comeing back me playing again just to see her walk out again I cant bear it.
I am very hopeful and maybe sometimes to giving to her at the moment but I don't know how else to show im listening now yes now and I am paying attension now again yes now hopefully its not to late.
But on the positive I haven't said I love you in 2 days and haven't talked about the future either But I did slip and said I miss you
Hope that helps