You need to strength train and eat enough. Let me know if you'd like help setting up a basic diet and exercise program.
-PM
Yes please
Great! Here or by email? I have some questions to gauge where to start.
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I didn't realize my request was against the rules and am now on moderation again. I'll post some questions and thoughts, but didn't want to ask personal questions (like "what's your body fat content?") on an open forum and since PM's are disabled, I thought emails might be preferable. My apologies for the request.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
1) What are your goals? Lose fat? Gain muscle? Both? How much? 2) How much activity do you currently get? 3) How much activity are you honestly willing to do on a consistent basis? (minutes per day and days per week) 4) Do you have a gym membership? If "yes," how far away is it? Where/how often in your schedule can you fit a trip to the gym? 5) What's your diet like?
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
It's been a couple weeks since I updated my sitch, though there isn't much to update. XW still has periods where she feels "lost and overwhelmed and confused", that she still has "hard days" where she "can't stop crying", and she isn't "even sure if she should be telling [me] that". That was Monday, and her toughest times do tend to coincide with PMS.
I'm still just doing my thing. Validate her when she talks, but otherwise I don't initiate contact unless it's kid specific. All the D's are doing well - I dropped off D9 at camp yesterday.
Still on the job hunt - waiting for the right one to come along. School and the kids are keeping me pretty busy. Very little GAL activity, but still hard to find time for it with school. I am going to a school get-together this weekend. Last Saturday my sister drove up and she, me, an the kids went out to eat, went bowling, and then went to the park. The girls and I went to church and then to the pool on Sunday.
Most of the time, though, I'm focusing on school or the kids, and then I go home to an empty apartment which still bums me out. That's my status quo.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
For the moderator who reviews this post: is there any chance I will be taken off of moderation or is it a permanent status for me? It has been over a month (30+ posts) and if it is permanent I just would like to know because not being able to interact with the other posters in a timely manner greatly takes away from the value of this site for me, which has been an extremely beneficial supplement to the DR book.
Please feel free to delete this post instead of approving it for all to see on the open forum. I couldn't figure out another way to ask since private messaging is disabled.
Thanks,
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
My sitch is still pretty static. I don't initiate contact unless it absolutely necessary, which is rare. XW is struggling emotionally...dealing with the reality of how busy she is and must be to be able to pay the bills. She has even remarked how she would rather be/wishes she could be a stay-at-home mom. When she makes comments like that I don't really say or do anything. We both know this was her choice.
We still have not told the kids about the D. I have brought this up to her several times, but she hasn't followed through with setting a time to talk with them. So I told her we needed to tell them before school starts so they have time to digest it before having to deal with going back to class, friends, homework, new teachers, etc. She agreed, but so far nothing. I'll push this more as school is rapidly approaching. Not only do the kids deserve to know, but they have been in limbo all this time too, and they still ask me questions and make comments about the marriage and my role as dad/husband.
The distance/pursuit dynamic seems to be well in play. As I have created distance it has resulted in her trying to pull closer. I have a bit of a complicated situation, in that what led to our marriage dissolving almost two years ago was me not being there for her, so one thing I am committed to is being someone who can be counted on. This means all the little things: absolute honesty at all times, punctuality, following through with everything I say I will do to a "T", etc., all the while maintaining that space between us that says "you don't get this part of me anymore" and "I am not here to support you as a husband would."
I did not support her decision to D, but I support her as a person and want her to be successful in her quest for independence as that is what she says she needs. I am mentally preparing myself for the tough times she is having and will have regarding being a single mom of four children, working, while seemingly scraping by to pay the bills. It is possible she could direct this anger towards me and I won't let that affect me or change my treatment of her or how I conduct myself.
The girls have been doing great and I have really enjoyed spending so much time with them. Having a good part of this summer off of work while they were out of school has allowed us to bond together in a way we have never had before, and I am so thankful for that. I have also had a chance to reenforce some parenting that has been lacking from XW, which does concern me. The little things like making sure they take their vitamins and allergy pills in the morning, brushing their teeth twice a day, being around to correct bad behavior in a loving way, and sharing with them the love of God, as examples. Some basic things are getting missed when I am not around, so I am doing what I can, when I can, to set the girls on the right paths and help them remember to take care of the basics first. It's quite obvious that a two parent household is better than a one, but I am just doing what I can with what I have.
I'm still reading quite a bit of your threads, though I don't post as much, and wish you all the best. Thank you all again for your help over the months.
Regards,
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
XW is pulling closer and, the last couple of weeks, has become more affectionate in the form of seeking out physical touch and making comments such as compliments.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
