Becoming PatientMan II - Still En-Route, Post-D

[PatientMan]

Yes, too bad about the job. That certainly takes things to another level.

Now that you've done what you've done, (the letter, etc) let it go. It's the past.

Today is a new day.

What's on your agenda.

Well, I just handed the girls off for a week at my parents' house out of state. My full time job now is finding a full time job. So far the outlook is good.

I've lined up some GAL activities for this week as well - just reconnecting with some old friends.

-PM

[PatientMan]

Oh, and the week after next I have a friend staying with me as his house is remodeled and his family is taking a trip to see other family. So I'll have someone to hang out with at night for a week. It's been a while since I've shared an apartment with a friend... reminds me of the REALLY old days when I was in the Corps!

-PM

[jp787]

Hey PM,
I get how you are feeling. I get the addiction bit too. I wish I had some help for you, I don't. I don't know much these days, other than I am consumed and it is emotionally draining.

I hope that your path works for you. I know your pain and it isn't good.

Ttyl

[JuneReN]

Wow. I went from setting some boundaries to feeling like I'm saying "goodbye" to her forever. I am going to sleep on it, but I think this is best.



This is going to be hard, but if I wake up tomorrow and still feel it's the right thing to do, then it's done. Always do the right thing, no matter what.

-PM

Actually just did that today with H. I am still reading (catching up on you). It was hard, but yes, it was the right thing to do

[PatientMan]

So I haven't updated in over a week. My girls were out of state at my parents' house and I just picked them back up on Saturday. XW will be taking them out of state this weekend for another week up at her family's, so I'll have another week "off" where contact with XW should be minimal.

This past week my plan was to focus on my studies and the process of finding a new job. I did not initiate contact with XW at all. However, she did call and text quite a bit. Most of the time I didn't answer the phone, even if she called twice. I figured if she really needed something she would leave a voicemail or send me a text message or email. Every once in a while I would answer the phone to not give her the impression that I was absolutely ignoring her no matter what. And I would respond to some (few) texts, but I would wait some time before texting back.

That felt a little dishonest to me, so I ended up turning my phone volume down and leaving it not right near where I was. That way I wouldn't notice that I had missed a text or a call and I could honestly say I didn't get.

The week started off moving REALLY slow, but picked up steam and finished too quickly. I spoke to my D's a couple of times a day (they would call me), which was nice. They had a good time, though D3 wanted to come home, see her Daddy, see her Mommy, sleep in her bed, etc. All in all, the trip went well for them and my parents. It was nice to have a week where I could take my Dad hat off, but I did miss them a bunch. Funny how that works.

I did gain some perspective this past week, and I'll talk more about that in my next post which will be in a new thread since this one is running over. I don't know that I like the perspective that I gained, but I do think it was and will be beneficial to me moving forward.

W had a tough week. She is crying every day still. I "felt" the calls and texts were her reaching out because she was so lonely with the girls gone and the situation being what it is. I didn't see her from Saturday until Friday. She never explicitly asked me over, but I think she was expecting me to be by.

On the 4th, I returned from the gym to my apartment and a neighbor invited me to their barbecue and to play sand volleyball. I don't really enjoy meeting new people, but I made myself get out of my comfort zone and go. While we were at the pool XW called and I answered. There was music playing in the background and I explained where I was. She sounded REALLY down, but wouldn't admit to anything when I asked if everything was okay.

XW was doing some decorating projects around the house with the girls gone. She has always done the decorating, but I have always done the hanging of what needs to be hanged or securing to the wall what needs to be secured. Several times she did the thing where she hinted that she didn't know how to do something and wanted my help, but didn't explicitly ask for it. Normally/In the past I would read this and offer assistance, but not this week. I went so far one or two times as to say I would show her how to do something, but she never did ask. I'm not quite sure why it's fine for her to hint that she needs help, but not ask for it. We both know what she is doing.

A new week is starting and I'm in a spot similar to where XW was about two years ago this fall: convinced the other person is somebody different and the old person I fell in love with will never be returning. That's what prompted the BD, and it seems that is what is facilitating me moving forward now.

I learned more about detaching too, but I'll save that for later as well. Make today great!

-PM

[AnotherStander]

PM, sounds like you're doing good DB'ing, keep it up! Regarding her reaching out, it's a nice sign but remember to take it as a baby step- just celebrate it internally and continue your DB'ing externally. Continue to let her drive the pace of contact while you focus on GAL. Good job

[PatientMan]

Thanks, AS. XW is thoroughly convinced that - even though she (admittedly) is an emotional wreck without me in support of her - she cannot work on tearing down the wall that she has erected between us. Part of what I realized this week was that I can't be with her as she is right now. She isn't the same person and she isn't someone I trust. I really WANT to, but I just don't and can't.

-PM