Just saying hello.

[prometheus]

The best organizations that I know which operate in Oz are Robbins or Klemmer. They aren't cheap, but they are very valuable resources. They both have online content and book / audio / video resources, as well.

Thanks Kaffe. Unfortunately, i am not in a financially carefree position. Fortunately, i don't mind learning about this stuff on my own. I think i will stick to trying to make it through the days without breaking down emotionally for a start. I have started taking St John's wort in the hope that it will help in this regard.

[~ kd ~]

When I searched on the parameters you gave in your second last post, I saw the tinybuddha site show up. I've been through that site before and it can certainly give you some great thoughts and ideas.

[prometheus]

...I saw the tinybuddha site show up. I've been through that site before and it can certainly give you some great thoughts and ideas.

Thanks for the website pointer. There are certainly a lot of good stuff there to think about. I can see how attached i am to my situation.

I wonder if continuing to live under the same roof as the one that has rejected me is good for anyone. I thought it would be good for all of us, and perhaps it can be, but detaching is going to be the key.

[prometheus]

Here i am, arrived at the keyboard fresh from a little talk with the W. She initiated the conversation. Stated that it was very hard for others to maintain a happy disposition when i am miserable every morning. I stated that it was not true. (i have been upset in general lately though)

Instead of validating (doh!) what my wife had said, i think i said something unhelpful... I COMPLAINED that it was hard waking up to my reality. I continued, "i don't not know where to turn, what to do, how i should be moving forward. I am operating in limbo. I don't have any information to go on. You have taken decisions that have affected others without consultation or communication."

Then i said something that might be a form of validation? not sure. I happened to have the bottle of St John's Wort pills that i have started to take to try and combat my moodiness. I showed it to W, saying that i was being proactive in trying to help myself, and was doing my best to be positive.

That did not seem to work because she then accused me of being negative about my having achieved 100% in a recent educational examination that i sat. Again, i should have just validated somehow, but instead i wanted to argue the point about how her perception of that particular conversation (that she had only really overheard) was at odds with what i was trying to convey.
At some point W said that she did not want for me to be so unhappy and miserable. I don't remember if i responded to that. I was becoming upset.

I could not continue after that outburst so i left the room for a moment. When i returned, my W was making her way out the back and asked if i was coming out there, presumably to continue the conversation we were having, since she would not usually invite me to come out and sit with her otherwise.

This is the point where i should have retreated. Instead, i went outside with my wife. Our S5 was hovering so i went back in. I went back out when the coast was clear.

W asked me what information i thought i needed. I told W that i was upset that she had taken decisions without discussion. She said she had. I disagreed, saying that the only discussion that we had had, was when a couple of letters addressed to her from the government arrived. At the time, (June 4) i asked my wife about them because she usually just opens them and leaves them for me to read, and hadn't. Her reply was that they were "a communication to me". (This set me to worrying. I snooped and found the letters later.)

So i repeated that the Q about the letters was all the discussion there was. W had no response to that, because that WAS the only discussion that we had had. All she could say was "well what is there to say? What do you want to know?"

I said..."when were you going to tell me that you have become a single parent in the eyes of the govt? Don't you have to tell the other party?"

Her reply - no.
I said, But your decision affects others!
W: Who?
Me: Me!
W said that she is "only trying to gain some independence."
I said, "I have never begrudged you your freedom to do as you wish."
W said, "perhaps not consciously."
I said, "it is hard to not do something that you are not conscious of."
I can't remember what else was said....it is so upsetting.

Shortly after, W had to go out and get D12. She gave me a hug. First physical contact in more than a week. Said that it was just a change, not the end of the world. Foolishly, i countered that i did not want it to be the end of us and that it was much more than just a change for me.

Sadly, i ended the conversation by speaking from my pain. I said that "whilst not wanting to unfairly burden her, i think that it is all too easy for the one who has dumped another to say that it is just a change. For the one who is dumped, it is a struggle to be so philosophical."

What is wrong with me? I am trying to get through this but all the things that i do are so unhelpful.

[prometheus]

I took encouragement from the knowledge that the W said to me today that she wanted the old prometheus who was fun to be around. I can't remember if she actually used the word wanted, but still... Also, i am not convinced that i SHOULD be taking any encouragement. I do though. I got another hug too. That was nice.

[prometheus]

...I happened to have the bottle of St John's Wort pills that i have started to take to try and combat my moodiness.

I don't know if the pills are helping but my mood seems to be getting slightly better. I have been taking them for about 10 days now. I am still terribly sad but it seems a little easier to maintain my composure.

My W has declared that we are separated to the government but hasn't talked about the logistics with me. I really feel like i am in limbo now. Should i push the conversation with her? We are living under the one roof but there has been no discussion about boundaries, finances, etc. What is the best way to approach this? I do not feel that i am able to move forward with all of the uncertainty.

[JuneReN]

Prometheus

Get out and exercise as well. Endorphins have been proven to help depression.

I don't know about there, but here, while in house separation is legal, it is hard to prove. Any money she receives extra (for child allowance etc) can be asked to be paid back if the government decides that the separation was not really a separation. (My lawyer told me this, and it is hard to prove for alimony, child support etc)
So be careful there. You may want to find out her reasoning for doing this first.

Then you can talk boundaries, etc

[prometheus]

Prometheus

Get out and exercise as well. Endorphins have been proven to help depression.

Thanks for posting kate's_place.

I started an exercise/nutrition/body recompositioning regime last September, and have been good at sticking to it. This has seen me exercising for 45 mins three days per week. It has not seemed to have helped my mood much....but maybe i need to exercise every day. I will try some more skipping on the days that i don't go to the gym.

I don't know about there, but here, while in house separation is legal, it is hard to prove. Any money she receives extra (for child allowance etc) can be asked to be paid back if the government decides that the separation was not really a separation. (My lawyer told me this, and it is hard to prove for alimony, child support etc)
So be careful there.

This is something that i am concerned about. I don't want to be lumbered with extra bills because we are being paid money that we should not be getting.

You may want to find out her reasoning for doing this first.

I am not sure what you mean here. Are you able to elaborate?

I feel like i am walking on eggshells over this. I don't want to cause any fights or trouble but i have to find out where things stand...it is hard to raise the matter when my W does not want to talk about it.

[PatientMan]

I started an exercise/nutrition/body recompositioning regime last September, and have been good at sticking to it. This has seen me exercising for 45 mins three days per week. It has not seemed to have helped my mood much....but maybe i need to exercise every day. I will try some more skipping on the days that i don't go to the gym.

What kind of progress have you made?

-PM

[prometheus]

I started an exercise/nutrition/body recompositioning regime last September...

What kind of progress have you made?

-PM

The slow kind.

Hi PM!

I started doing 15 minutes of cardio only...because any more just about killed me. After a couple of months i was able to build up to 45 minutes of cardio, including some bodyweight exercises. More recently, i started getting a little more serious and am going to the gym (off there in a minute actually).

So,i have lost some weight and put some back on again. Off with the fat and on with the muscle(a little bit anyway). Before i stopped losing weight i had already lost 10 kg. I have since put 2kg back on again - hopefully mostly lean body mass.

I started with a body fat % of around 19%. I am now around 8%. My FFMI(free fat muscle index) is 20.7

My cardiovascular fitness has improved out of sight, and i have stacks more energy. Is that the kind of progress that you mean? Gotta run for gym now....never thought i would hear myself saying that!