Sorry to hear what your going through AS it must be hard.
When you mentioned cutting the umbilical chord that really struck a chord with me.
I do think in her message when she says
Quote:
He does things with them that I always envisioned a father doing with his children
It comes across as her trying to justify her position more than anything else.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
[quote=AnotherStander]Thank you all for the support, it's very welcome and needed! I'm sure my W's head is spinning right now, I know mine is too!
[quote] I will offer her unconditional support. Not "I'll help you if OM isn't around" or "I'll help you as long as you do this or that" but "I am here for you no matter what time of day or night, I want to help however I can." Obviously DB'ing and "going dim" is going be set aside, my focus is on helping her through and past this, the marriage is not a concern for me right now. [/quote]
This speaks volumes as to the kind of person you are!! All things aside, she should be glad for someone like you in her life. Sadly, having watched my mother succumb to lung cancer, I can say you are EXACTLY the kind of person she will find herself lucky to have. She'll realize it, eventually. And be appreciative. I hope she eventually realizes this & expresses it to you.
I sincerely do wish her the very best possible outcome!! You know the ride you're in for, and the separation was nothing in camparison.
Stay strong, you have quite the suport system here to help you work through the brutal emotions you're likely to face.
H48 M46 T26 M25 S25 D21 10/4/12 BD - ILYBINILWY, S 10/7/12 H Leaves, works 2 hours away H Done 1/13 H tells S he wants D 2/13 NO R talk since - nothing filed We live together weekends
I will offer her unconditional support. Not "I'll help you if OM isn't around" or "I'll help you as long as you do this or that" but "I am here for you no matter what time of day or night, I want to help however I can." Obviously DB'ing and "going dim" is going be set aside, my focus is on helping her through and past this, the marriage is not a concern for me right now.
Busting reminded me that love is unconditional. Just don't put yourself, AS, in the position of expectation.
It is not going to be an easy road for you, but we will keep you company, if you'd like <3
AS we are here for you for sure. Keep venting here. It's so much to take in. I hope your wife opens up to you soon. I agree about being there for her through this no matter what --- keep yourself protected as well though as it will be a scary time for all. (((())))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Awww...... Man, AS I am sorry to hear that news...I always thought of our situations very similar...except you are the cool guy at the party everybody is happy to see:/ Our situations started about the same time, today I am at my 1 year of separation. In my darkest days you gave me a lot of encouragement and It really helped me out. My w also has OM who she still says is just friends usually after a couple of months they come clean but ours are not...that is a shame, I think....I wonder how OM feels not to be acknowledged? If I was OM I would feel like man she needs to tell the truth unless he is not that into the relation.
I do a lot of spying compared to you....I am a regular Colombo but I have not found out anything...Where do we go from here? Sometimes I think about starting a new relationship and get excited about that kind of stuff but finding someone I can spend the next 30 or 40 years with seems daunting....not to be cynical but does your W really think she found the M of her dreams? He is not tested at all. All you can do is your best and I think you have..
That's quite a double-whammy AS! And it seems like you are taking it with your usual grace. It has been said before, but you're quite the inspiration. I think I can handle, to some extent or another, just about anything thrown at me at this point; even though my ambivalence faded and I know now I'd like W back, I don't mind if it never happens -- but any comment that indicated OM was better for my kids in any way, or even played some sort of father figure role, well... that story would probably end with me in prison a few hours later.
Very sorry to hear about your W's cancer. I hope that it can be treated effectively, but since this terrible thing is already there, I hope that some good comes out of it -- like drawing you two closer together.
Me: 24 W: 24 T: 9 M: 6 S7, D4, S2 PA Starts, ILYBINILWY: Nov 2012 BD & PA Discovered: Jan 2013 First ML since BD: April 2013 Physical separation: Mid-May 2013
Oh, AS. I am so sorry to hear of all this. You are an amazing person, father and husband. We all know this. I will keep you and yours in my prayers!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
