I contacted an attorney today, did a telephone consultation.
She highly recommended that I just file, and get a paper trail going or whats not going on. That a divorce can be withdrawn later if need be. But with sinking finances, and everything in my name, im the only one that can be hurt financially for the time being. Its to protect me, as well as the kids.So.....im filling out paperwork this afternoon.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Do what you have to do in order to protect yourself financially. Filing now doesn't necessarily mean it will come to pass at a later date.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Wow, that's fast. Sorry she is taking you for a financial ride, does she pay for anything? Maybe you need to remove her cell phone from your account and stop paying for it. When she asks why, you can tell her that you simply can pay everything on your own and that while she has chosen to use her paycheck for fun only, you are struging to out food on your child's table. Do not sugarcoat it at this point.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
So I took a fully copy (all 3 credit reporting agencies) of my TRW down to the attorney this morning. She looked them over, asked what I was supposed to be paying, and what she is supposed to be paying.
The attorney said the my wife is actually doing an "excellent" job handling her end, especially considering the trips with friends she's squeezed in. We couldn't find any accts that she still had her name on that were credit cards or loans.
At this point filing for divorce wouldn't do anything for the financials except a permanent division of assets/debts. Theres no current reason to have such a resolution as long as she keeps her end up. She's actually contributing towards the debt reduction. Even in a divorce agreement theres no guarantee that she's cover her half, but for now she is.
So basically, do I want a divorce cause im still more or less insecure with our situation? Or do I want a divorce cause im insecure in our situation AND im trying to control it and her in some way. Guess its time to go back in front of the mirror and find out more about myself.
I've done pretty darn good for 4 weeks now on the DB, at least in comparison to the previous 3 months prior to that. My IC says she cant believe where im at compared to a month ago. I still have a LONG way to go thou, and readily admit the patience thing is still kicking my buttage. Its funny how something like this can take the jealousy, anger, betrayal and issues in general, and really have them effect your personality. Im so tired I don't think I have many emotions left that can overcome me, I just take them as they come in, and they're getting so much easier to deal/understand them.
For now anyways, its one day at a time! My goal is to keep plugging away. GAL getting extremely hard this time of year, my busy season, but busy is busy!!!
Well we're not separated, still in same bed. Although were miles apart, I guess its better than actually being MILES apart.
I was advised today after all the financials were gone thru to NOT file, just wait and see. I picked a woman attorney on purpose. She was insightful, and said she's seen 100's of MLC divorces, and tells her clients to be ready when they come back, because they almost ALWAYS come back at one point, whether its too late or not is usually up to the LBS not the WAS/MLC. She said the obvious ones that one come back are pretty easy to see, especially in that stage of the game. She told me my wife will come back, but will I want her or will I have moved on by then is the question.
My wife called me twice this morning, both about work, but was friendly, did I mention ever that she's also kinda my boss. My company works for her company (her dad owns it) and its basically 85% of my work. (trying to get so im not so dependent now on them thou). I said ty and went to work both times. Had a pretty good day.
So im going with the continued DB, hoping to keep getting better at it anyways. Take care of myself and kids, and what comes to pass i'll deal with it at that time. For now im booked for the entire summer now, so busy busy busy. Which makes things a heck of a lot easier.
Hang in there Mtn, I know its tough, but don't be afraid to at least get the free consultation and weigh your options out. It doesn't make your chances better or worse in my opinion, but I dunno im still learning. But rule 1 is to always cover yourself I think.
So my wife and I have a discussion a couple of nights ago, and realized of course that not only is this not getting me,my son, or my wife anywhere. We're all just trying to hard right now, and we're all just too close to WWIII at any moment.
I'm forgetting even the good points in my marriage at this point. I'm sure a lot of you are going to disagree with me, but an in bed/house separation is like 24 hour psychological warfare that takes a very strong/special person to be able to deal with it. I am neither.
My wife and I admit that we're growing further apart and are not just roommates, but strangers. This whole process, as you know is extremely difficult at best. My wife still doesn't know w if she wants a me tattoo, another trip away, or be married from one minute to the next.
I'm moving out today as I've worn myself down over the last 5 months. I feel good, but scared a little I guess. I talked to my wife and got a place just down the street for 90 days...for now. She came over, since my daughter moved out, I needed to make sure I had/have room for my son. I took my wife over, my daughter came over, and of course my son and I are doing the lifting.
We'll give this a 2-3 month trial, see how it goes. I guess I need to risk losing her if have a chance to save it, if that makes any sense. But, I needed to do this for myself too. I need to take care of myself instead of doing all the work, and DB until she decides on trying again or not. I don't see it that way, I'll take care of myself. Period. It's gonna be easier to do that now I think.
There's no control over a situation like this, it's. Train wreck at all times, and you just focus on not being on the tracks.
So you're moving out. I understand why you feel you need to do that - I'd do it myself if I had an option.
Being "in house" has pros and cons. One of the cons, imho, is that the LBS can come more quickly to resent the WAS/MLC because everything is so right-there-in-your-face.
It sounds like, for right now anyway, that everyone is being friendly in your sitch. I hope it all works to your advantage.
Cheers!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
