We had a mutual friend come over yesterday, he used to be a kid we babysat. He's now 23. Came over to ask me for a job. My wife said she didn't want to talk to anybody and went inside the house to get away.
About an hour later, one of my wife's friends (she's even older than my wife) came over WITH the 23 year old. Her friend leads a VERY promiscuous lifestyle, and it a complete alcoholic. Only going thru men faster than drinks. My wife got so excited about her arrival, they talked about going out, and having fun in the near future. Once she left my wife went right back into silent mode with me and watched her 80's reruns. At midnight her friend started texting her that she was still with the 23 year old we all used to babysit and she was thinking about sleeping with him. She was over at his place, with several more of his friends and was asking my wife to come over. She didn't go but stayed up texting her and laughing as she was texting. She wanted to go but didn't cause of work this morning.
I woke up this morning and couldn't help but wanting to look for an apartment. I came here to post instead. I'm honestly not sure how much more I can take. I rolled over last night and acted like I was asleep.
My question is do I say anything? Its not like I have any ground to stand on right now. She, of course, doesn't want to work on the marriage, things seem to be getting worse with her actions. I'm doing my GAL stuff, but that seems to be pushing us further apart.
Wow... that is quite awful for your wife's friend to be dating someone that is half her age. But, on the other hand, it is not your wife who is doing that. Understandably you are concerned that your wife sees nothing wrong with her friend doing that. I'm not sure if I would say anything to your wife at this point, since she has not done anything.
As for your GAL's... keep at it, that is mostly for your own benefit, and you need to do whatever it takes right now to keep yourself busy, and keep that PMA.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Well, she said she would have gone if she didn't have to get up for work in the morning.
My wifes friend uses sex like we use toothpaste, I forgot to mention while she was as the house earlier she had talked about "hooking up" with an 18 year old last week. This is not someone I want my wife going/hanging out with, although I know I have no say in it. I just don't see how anything positive can possible come from my wife hanging out with this person. She has no boundries, no self control, no remorse, and certainly no conscious. They're making plans to go out this weekend.
Thanks for posting on my thread Thumpered. I read thru your threads, and am so sorry for what you've been going through, it sounds like five months of hell. It must be so hard for your and your kids.
TVS gave you really good advice. Detaching is so hard, isn't it? Chuck is my DB coach too. He advised me to give my H lots of space, to be pleasant and approachable when he wants to talk, avoid relationship talks, and when he says off the wall or hurtful things, just try to validate his statements and let them roll off my back the best I can. Last session he added non-sexual casual touching. Things are sort of calm at home at the moment, he's still cold but not spewing, but who know what will happen from one hour to the next.
I hope your W doesn't start hanging around with that woman -- she sounds like a BAD influence. I think I read in Divorce Remedy that an EA can occur between two women, as well as between a woman and man. I hope your W doesn't become too enamoured with the Low Life and her lifestyle
Good luck to you! Hang in there!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Been working at the DB pretty hard the last couple of days.
Wife informs me that she going to vegas with "friends" for 5 days of camping during the 4th of july weekend. Camping in vegas?? ok
Then tells me when she gets back, she'll be back for 2 days, then is leaving for Denver.
I don't know how much more our finances can take. She's taken roughly 15 trips in the last year with her friends.
I'm in kinda a unique situation. We already have separate accts due to me being self employed. I'm finding out she's had credit cards issued on my accts in her name. I found 2 in her car. Her credit is so terrible she couldn't get financed for a candy bar. EVERYTHING we own is in my name, including "her" car which I still owe a lot on.
I tried to get an apt. a couple of months ago, but due to me only being able to list one income, and all the bills in my name, I was declinded due to my debt ratio being 85%. Even if I offerd to pay the whole 6 month lease in advance. Now im having to pay bills she agreed to, so my credit doesn't take a hit. So I've managed to go thru my savings to stay afloat. I've never seen her paycheck but now know why she's broke, these trips are killing me two fold.
I'm not sure what to do. I cant see any of this is getting me anywhere but the poor house, and of course she's not slowing down anytime soon it looks like. I have/had a full head of hair, its now starting to fall out due to the stress of my business, and covering all the bills. All while I watch my wife take off on trip after trip, with no regards to food, bills, or the family.
If you want to stop the charging on your credit cards, call the credit card companies and report the cards stolen or lost. Have the balances rolled over to the new account numbers and don't give her any of the cards. At least that way you can ensure you are the only one with the cards. Once you get the cards, if you are the primary on them, I think you can contact the credit card companies and then have her names removed. It's the safest and easiest way of nipping the charge-aholic in the bud.
Take back the control over your finances or you'll be filing for bankruptcy before you know it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
She hasn't been able to use my cards for a couple of months now, I have my TRW run/checked every week. That's why she's now blowing thru her paychecks and not paying the bills she had agreed to. She's robbing peter to pay paul, except the paul part isn't getting paid, and just making a mess of my finances. Its getting to a point where im struggling just buying food for my son and I. Since I don't see her paycheck or what she is or isn't paying its almost impossible to stay ahead of the game.
Yes, Thumpered, I would do whatever you can do to make sure she is not spending money from any joint credit/joint credit cards. Make sure if she is spending any money, it is out of her own pocket. She will have to learn the hard way that there is not enough money for all of the trips that she intends on taking. I would not let her use your money to finance all of these unnecessary trips, when you are struggling to make ends meet. You are going to want to prevent your spouse from running up debt under your name. Cancel all of the cards you are aware of, and put them under your name.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
