Becoming PatientMan II - Still En-Route, Post-D

[ALF213]

It's like a scale where everything (reality) is always there, it's just that some days one side of the scale outweighs the other.

I know how you feel, PM. Those things are always there (the good and bad) and its just of matter which creeps to the forefront. The good news I assume it will be temporary. We have all have been there before with the tough stuff dominating your thoughts. When you're down, its hard to imagine otherwise.

I'm sure you have things that pull you out of that state. I hope you have the time to do one of those things today. Hang in there, PM. You are certainly one of the stronger, more patient, people in the threads I follow.

[PatientMan]

I have the urge to look her dead in the eyes and just very calmly tell her, "I was soooo in love with you. Sooooo...ferociously in love with you...there just have never been words that can describe what I felt for you." And then just leave.

Hi PM.

Thanks so much for posting to my thread, I know I am a difficult one

So what you posted ^^^, yeah I can see that as something I would do/say and I now know the motive behind it.

Do you?

I'm not certain. It isn't vindictive or anything petty or ugly.

I feel for you PM. With W reaching out must make it seem like nothing makes sense.

Yes, it's confusing. I'm not going to let it change who I am, it's just confusing and hurts.

-PM

[PatientMan]

I suppose I need to have a "boundaries" conversation, I just need to think about/take advice on how best to approach it.

So much to think about. This is tough.

I realize that I'm still playing chess sometimes. Trying to play the game so I can win in the end. And if I take away the game, the stress of the talk and the decisions start to melt away.

I HATE losing intimacy and closeness with her. She is my only "friend" and I enjoy spending time with her, for the most part. She and I get along well.

I HATE pushing her away. I FEAR that she'll easily replace me and what I offer.

But none of that should get in the way of doing the right thing, which is setting up some post-D boundaries - for both our sakes. She wants to be friends, and we probably will be one day, but I don't know if we can be right now. She seems to want to have her cake and eat it too, and that isn't healthy for either of us.

I really abhor seeing her in pain and not being able to help. I can't stand to see her in pain and reaching out to me, and I am having trouble trusting that NOT being there for her when she is reaching out is the right approach, but I am putting my trust in this different strategy.

This is hard.

I think we are both attracted to each other, have children together, enjoy each other's company...I just don't think she can open herself up to me again. I'm holding out hope that one day she will. For now, I suppose it's time for boundaries and the uncomfortableness of uncertainty as those boundaries manifest out in our relationship.

It's funny because I don't fear anything. Snakes, spiders, loose dogs, even war when I was a Marine. Yet I am afraid of this. It's even funnier because I KNOW I'll be fine.

Oh well. Push forward. I can't let her have all of me anymore, as much as I want to give it to her. That's the consequence of divorce.

-PM

[PatientMan]

The depression is setting back in. All the symptoms are there. I need to be proactive to turn the tide and not slip up. I need to force things (personal habits) for a while until my mind clears up.

I wish you all the best.

-PM

[LBH_LC]

PM, the black dog of depression is nipping at my heels, too. If I'm reading this right, it looks like you're taking a sabbatical from this place. Understandable, because I've found it can be a bit much sometimes-- whether it's people who are doing better than you or the overwhelming number of people who have lost something dear to them.

I hope you come back. If you ever want to talk to somebody, we're here. I'm here.

[PatientMan]

No sabbatical intended, just holding myself accountable. Thank you for the kind words.

-PM

[MrBond]

I understand it can be rough. It's okay to feel sorry for yourself every now and then. Just be sure you remember to get back up after you've been knocked down.

[SemperFi00]

PM, glad that you are making progress. Sorry you are feeling a little down recently.

Be the best you can be - for yourself and your Ds.

Thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay strong!

Semper Fi

[LBH_LC]

I always liked this quote from Al Swearingen on Deadwood:

Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair, or f**king beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man... and give some back.

For the purposes of the purposes of this forum, one should probably omit the last four words, though. Or interpret them differently than the character intended.

[Spartan]

PM - I was going to reply to your thread last night but got side tracked and now reading your posts today this is even more pertinent. It's ok and normal to get down about the sitch as long as you can work through it. Since you were a Marine I sure as hell know you are strong enough to feel it then move on. Don't just push the emotions away though, feel them then move on. This is important.

Couple questions for you:

What are YOU doing for YOU right now?
What GAL activities are you planning this weekend?

Last night I was going to point out that your last several pages have been a lot about your W, what she's doing, how she's behaving, and the impacts it's having on you. I understand wanting to talk about our S's but it's time to start talking about YOU again. Seems she has a lot of control over you and how you are feeling. Time to take charge of you my friend.

It's funny because I don't fear anything. Snakes, spiders, loose dogs, even war when I was a Marine. Yet I am afraid of this. It's even funnier because I KNOW I'll be fine.

What exactly are you afraid of? You stated that she may never open up to you again but that isn't the answer.
What are you afraid of in your life if this happens?
What happens if your fear comes true?


Boundaries - They are set up to protect you. Which boundaries are you looking to set up? No touching, no flirting, no leading on, etc... What is the consequence you are willing to enforce (no communication, etc...)?