I am very fascinated by your sitch.Im afraid that if I snooped on my W I would find a very similar outcome. Would you consider moving this to the newby section? Alot more folks would see this and I really do believe that we ALL would learn alot.
Think about it. I am thankful you are sharing this
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
You need to stand up for yourself. Who else knows that your wife is cheating? Does the other man have a wife? Her family and his family need to know what is going on. Her friends need to know. You are letting her sneak around and have no respect for you- NONE! Of course she is denying her affair- THEY ALL DO! They don't want it to end. Your knowing about it might cause you to take action to end it- exactly what she does not want. So she denies, and hopes that by stringing you along she can still exert some control over you. Take your power back. Do a 180 and grow a spine. Give her no warning and tell everyone that your wife is having an affair. Watch as the cold light of day brings her affair to an abrupt end. Watch her empty threats evaporate as her power disappears. Trust me, you are only prolonging your misery if you keep taking the path that leads to nowhere but divorce. Change the game.
Any updates? I agree with hopefulstill. Yep, IMO a WAW in ea/pa you need to show some spine otherwise she won't respect you. Do you still live in the same roof? Consider setting your boundaries. In my sitch I told W that while we live together that ea with OM is NOT acceptable to me and she's free to go if she wants to pursue him and if she can not respect me and the kids we need to separate...I do NOT want that in my life. She hasn't left and she seem to remember her inappropriate actions everytime I call her out on it.
IMO , call your WAW out in her A do not sugarcoat it and do not be passive about it, it has to be dealt with. Don't settle to be an option to your M. Save yourself, you have value dont be a second choice or plan b. Good luck to you and keep posting.
Hopefulstill, when you get a chance can you check out my thread?
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
I hate to say it, but it sounds like you two are in open marriage territory. One of my closest friends and her husband tried this with preset boundaries and it nearly ruined their family. Yet, they were both retaliating due to past infidelities. He cheated online and eventually became addicted to the attention he lacked at home. So, she got a boyfriend she did not love as much as her husband, but she needed attention too and a quiet place to study away from the pressure of their household. It sounds so silly now that we all look back. Their counselor advised that they both agree to date only each other. But their marriage is sex starved because she is too turned off. Maybe this is how your wife feels? Maybe she is still feeling betrayed, or she needs attention, or she is addicted? Who knows, but you cannot control her! DB is for you! You keep at it! It will keep you on the right path. You must focus on you now! Personally, I have only known one woman who has done something like this and she was on drugs!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."