Divorced-not done-But wondering ?

[JJAC2005]

Hold the vision....Trust the process

Get back up and prove you are all you say you are, and live for that which is right.

It wasnt just a coinsidence that I parked where I parked and walked into her walking along the sidewalk....it was something much bigger than that!
I have to believe!

[~ kd ~]

Hold the vision....Trust the process

Get back up and prove you are all you say you are, and live for that which is right.

That... deserves an "'at'a'boy!"

Calm, cool, confident, suave... well, not so suave maybe... lol

[JJAC2005]

Thanks.....I needed that little "at a boy" smile
&
I just wanted to say that it's a lot harder to stay so focused w/o showing emotion than anyone realizes, just as a dog would get excited to see its owner, humans can get carried away.
I sent a short note this morning to apologize for over stepping any boundary and closed it with an appreciation for the opportunity to have started a friendship connection with an emphasis on the value she has as a person.
Now I will back slowly away from the table and go back to work.....DB style!

[JJAC2005]

A hopeful note....
I was granted the best 2days I've had in 8mo
The ex let SS spend the majority of the weekend w me.
We talked a lot about the past school year, his ups and downs and he was open about his feelings on missing me being there at the house like I use to be.
I got a lot more information than I had thought would ever come out from him som of it was him just expressing his feelings some of it was me asking for him to explain his thoughts a little further.
The bottom line was he told me that he's not the only one that is hopeful

[JJAC2005]

A little updated note to pass along to anyone that starts to notice any changes in their spouse while detaching or going dark or implementing any of the number of techniques designed to help a situation.
For your own sanity….don’t over think or over react…and NEVER let it be known that you are overly happy or excited.

I was given a great gift over the past couple of weeks…..I was granted time with my ex and my step kids, primarily the SS, whom has made me smile to no end.
Just knowing that I have touched his heart as much as he has touched mine has meant the world to me…..and I can see that it touches his mothers as well.
Which is the point that I am trying to convey here….I know that she still has some very strong feelings, but I have been like a dog waiting and overly excited to get her attention and affection….smiling too big and staring too long at times….sending her a message to stay guarded and don’t take down the walls just yet.

Last night at the ball game I arrived early, and just as I was getting out of my truck the ex pulled up next to me…getting out of her car with a smile and starting some polite conversation almost immediately. Then she handed me one of the cookies that she had baked for the team after game party….and since she knew how completely distracted I was she then reminded me my windows were still down and it was about to rain.
The point is, I, or anyone in this situation, cant really read too much into these types of run-ins….even though the entire ball park was open for parking, that she didn’t have to give me anything, that she didn’t have to sit next to me at the game…any of this is more or less her just being nice….and it’s a hell of a lot better place to be than the opposite…so don’t over react, and let her continue to set the pace of the interactions and new friendship.
The advantages of keeping yourself on a lower key will help to create mystery, and she will continue to want to explore that more and more over time….its so important on so many levels to remain positive, sticking to the commitments you have made over the past months on all the hard work of 180’s, GAL, and healing…continuing to look better, be better, an ultimately becoming the kind of man only a foll wuld walk away from!
I am still hopeful….and it feels so good to have that hope...and will continue to be patient (LOL) or trying harder to be more patient than my excitement wants me too be.

Once again I am remided to “Hold the Vision….Trust the Process”


Side note….I came here to save my M…to regain my relationship with my exW.
I have found so much more and continue to grow in that knowledge.
I have also found out that there are a lot more people out there that have become divorced as I have and have eventually reunited with their ex….and I’m not just talking on the site, as just yesterday I had a talk with a fellow coworker who I was just sharing my excitement with from the past week/weekend, and he didn’t even know I was divorced….but relayed a story that he had 2 close friends that did the exact same thing by reuniting with their ex spouse a few years after the had divorced….underlining the changes and growth we all need to go thru to become a better husband/wife/partner/friend.

[JJAC2005]

There are baby steps along the way...
I spent Father's Day on the golf course with my ex wife yesterday.
Lots of fun, lots of laughs, and even a few flirts here and ther.
Taking things as they come....and letting her dictate the pace.
Now is not the time to rush into a discussion about my feelings, about my changes, and definitely not the time to bring up my desires for reconciliation.
The only bad thing is that I'm baby stepping when I want to run....but then again, baby stepping is always better than standing still 😄

[JJAC2005]

OK….I’m looking for a little more insight into the past few weeks.
I’m thinking that I’m on a good start…and I really don’t want to over think it or jinx anything by not reading the situation as it should be….
During my time spent yesterday with my exW, she was happy go lucky, seemed relaxed, was funny and even flirtatious at times….I wasn’t sure how to react to some of her sexual innuendos or overtly open comments about some of our past experiences with each other….we both managed to poke and play with the other at time…breaking personal space often….and
We did manage to drink quite a bit together and I liked that she was or seemed very at ease (almost as normal as when we were together). On a few of the par 3’s we placed some silly wagers taunting and teasing with each other as we often did….and I even made a long birdie put toward the end of the day and teased her that she owed me big time for that one….and she laughingly said something naughty, but shrugged it off….any way on the very next tee I came up really close and asked her how she felt about “beer kisses” (knowing full well she always loved them)….anyway she pulled back a little and said no, she couldn’t do that one, and that it would be inappropriate…..and when I asked her why it was inappropriate, she explained it like it would be inappropriate of her, but not that it wasn’t inappropriate of me to have asked.
At the end of the evening which was close to dark….(again, spending the entire day together unexpectedly)….I gave her several small hugs and a few peck on the cheek….she didn’t refuse, but she wouldn’t kiss me back…until I made a few jokes and teased her enough to give me just one….and she did.
I’m probably searching and diggin a little too deep on this whole out of town relationship she has…but it seems to me that in the past few weeks she has really changed her whole stance on doing things together as friends….and I’m for certain that he BF would not be entirely comfortable with the fact that we have been hanging out.

So…I’m open to any input on this…..LOL

[JJAC2005]

Ah-ha…an Updated text just came thru....
Seems my exW is a bit pissed/disappointed at herself for going out and having fun with me...since she is in a relationship, she felt like she was being untrue to it.
She wanted to let me know that she will never reopen anything to do with a relationship with me…. And that we can only ever be friends….OUCH
And that since she really only wanted to be friends with me, its unfair to herself and to me to place herself in any type of awkward situation….
I almost feel bad for her – NOT!….but she was displaying some very true to that moment, and the past, during our afternoon together.
Keeping the road home open and smooth…

[whitneypinch]

Ohhhh, I feel for you !!!

My XW kind of did that with me as well a year and a half after BD.

Well, what can ya do but continue to move forward.

You had a great time and left her with good feelings.
What more can you ask for.
Most of us never even get that far.

My XW is in a serious relationship right now. One of my kids is flat out rejecting the guy and causing trouble for my XW.
I have been kind to her and told her I just want her to be happy. She was shocked that I was so good about it.
Again, what can ya do...
Just be a kind, loving person... to everyone.

We never know where any of this leads us.

[JJAC2005]

well.....I'm doing pretty good overall
I feel that this has always had an air of MLC to it...and she is in a very long distance relationship that places them together only a few times a month....its all ok....we are divorced, she is an adult, and she can make her own choices.
On one hand I am a bit confused that she isn’t recognizing any of her own true feelings, but I can understand that she has yet to see all of the changes I have been making, and develop more trust again within those changes.
I will continue to continue to rebuild myself in all the positives I can, plus many more…because in the very beginning when we met…she liked and fell in love with the whole package!
I am happy that we shared the past few weeks...we cleared the air, we shared a lot of insight...and I am pretty sure she got it when I told her what I have been learning.
Yes, admittedly there is a bit of a sting to the reality that things are not exactly moving fwd on a different note….I do still miss her and the family all the time....but I can still remain hopeful.
And now that I had the opportunity to reconnect with my SS, I know he will always be a part of my life…There were a lot of connective and reminiscent smiles from everyone the past few weeks
And best of all, I know that the ex-still likes to flirt with all of it…she enjoys many of those good times…she may one day want to add to them who knows, but I do know that she can still have fun, and really enjoys herself when we are together.