She thinks her sons aren't attending her wedding for fear their father (you) might be planning something stupid? That would REALLY tick me off if I were you.
It did.
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If your sons aren't going, why don't you do something with them?
We kicked it at home and hung out and played some games together on the computer. S20's GF and S18's friend came over and spent the weekend. I am pretty close to them and it was nice having them here.
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Tad, you know way to much about what is going on there. That's part of the problem. If you knew less, you'd be better off.
Yeah. The boys need to stop telling me things.
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but MLCers can be very emotionally abusive, and it isn't necessarily healthy for anyone to have more than polite and limited contact with that.
Very true too. My X hasn't been really emotionally abusive to them but has started yelling or will even hang up on them if they tell her something that she does not want to hear.
Blabbering......
X is now married as of yesterday. F*ck. Yesterday was bad, but not as bad as I had expected. Unfortunatley, today is a little worse. Just feeling really down. I feel like I've aged ten years in two days.
I have to wonder what his family and her familly thought when not a single one of her sons were there. Of course, that was probably blamed on me and they probably believed any lie that she told them.
I am growing REALLY tired/disgusted/fed up/discouraged about everything. I really hate the whole situation and just wish it would all go away. Feeling stuck again.
My last 4 Father's Days:
2010 - Wife makes a great dinner and we watch movies as a family. She tells me how blessed she is.
2011 - She tells me what a miserable father/husband/person I am.
2012 - She gets engaged and tells the boys.
2013 - She gets married the day before.
I sometimes wonder if she is doing it on purpose.
My blind date this last Friday went well. We had a nice Mexican lunch and went to bowl a few games. She is a pretty good bowler and gives me a run for my money.
She called me today and wants to get together again soon. I probably will see her again later this week.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
At somepoint Tad needs to start worrying and focusing on Tad and Tad alone.
Let go Tad. Let Go.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
[quote]I sometimes wonder if she is doing it on purpose[/qutoe]Ya think? Would it makea difference if she was doing it on purpose?
Good news Tad. You can now move about the cabin. The capt has removed the "stay where you are sign" when it comes to ex.
Celebrate m'boy. I know it seems counter to what you felt, but it's a great first step and way overdue
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Tad, you know way to much about what is going on there. That's part of the problem. If you knew less, you'd be better off.
Yeah. The boys need to stop telling me things.
They may not stop. It's possible, in some strange way, they think they are helping you. Or... they are just venting because they know you'll support them.
It still will take YOUR action of detaching and not the words or actions of someone else.
AJM’s quote: ‘If they can't look past what she has done for now, then help them to later. For their sake. She is still their mom regardless of her actions, right? And nobody should be estranged from their parents except in extreme cases (axe murderer for example). And of course she blames you. Get used to that while you accept what is, vs what "should" be’.
Hi Folks, I would like to reply to the above quote and tell you of a true story. A Mother and a child came to live in our village in around 1997-98. They became good friends with my youngest daughter and my then wife Liz.
The boys Mother told us in front of her son, what her then estranged husband was doing regarding contact with their son. He (father) would perhaps make contact/see his son not more than twice a year.
When the son turned 14 years old in about 2003, his Dad came to visit him. And his son told him to his face. ‘You’ve not cared about me for years and I’m telling you now to F-ck off out of my life forever, and I don’t want to ever see you again OK.’ The last time I heard this lad still as no contact with his father.
And if one of my parents had ever done that to me, and even though I’m now a born again Christian I would have probably done the same thing.
Delboy that makes no sense especially if you don't know the specifics of the situation with the mother in your village. You only hear one side (the W's).
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Hi Mr Bond, I knew the mother in question very well, also the son and he himself told me, that on his 14th birthday he told is dad to F-ck off forever. And I don't blame him one bit. His dad only cared about himself and he would go missing for months at a time with no concerns for is son or wife!
Love Delboy
P.S The son is now a qualified Scuba diving instructor and he resides in the Carabean.
Tad, you know way to much about what is going on there. That's part of the problem. If you knew less, you'd be better off.
AMEN!!
As for the kids - they need to do what they feel is right with regards to their mom. Encourage them to do so and recognize that she is still their mom. If they can't look past what she has done for now, then help them to later. For their sake. She is still their mom regardless of her actions, right? And nobody should be estranged from their parents except in extreme cases (axe murderer for example). And of course she blames you. Get used to that while you accept what is, vs what "should" be. I think it's really VERY sad that they are not going. I believe that it's because they'll feel guilty if they go. They know you'll be hurt. You were hurt when she bought them Christmas gifts b/c you did not buy them any...it bothered you that "she made you look bad" or something like that. It was not concern for your kids then, but how you felt it made you look...or feel...
I think They believe being cold to OM and your xw, is the same as being loyal to you. And that is sad. The family of OM won't believe that her sons abandoned her b/c she is a bad mother. I think they'll believe it's sad that you are unable to let her go.
IT would bother me if I were you and I"d probably insist they go...but I'm not you.
Glad your mom is doing as well as can be expected. Hope that continues.
Peace, AJ
Why did your mom Not want you to come by when she was sick from chemo? I flew out for my MIL to care for her when she had hers.
Does your mom have hired help? Who is there for her?
I hope the chemo helps ease her symptoms and lengthen her life. PLEASE give her KMLs' suggestions.
My h is an MD and he's not a drug pusher by any means. But he's very impressed with the studies on cannabis and THC being palliative AND SOMETIMES even more than simply palliative. Where components are actually killing cancer cells. It's pretty amazing stuff and the research is at very reputable places, although new.
Hang in there.
.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I think it's really VERY sad that they are not going. I believe that it's because they'll feel guilty if they go. They know you'll be hurt.
Actually 25, S20 told her that he would never go right after she left. S22 told her that he wasn't going about 6 months ago. S27 and S18 decided not to go a few days before.
I actually told them all to go if they wanted to, but don't go if they feel like they HAVE to.
I hate the way they feel towards their mother but.....I do not blame them.
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Why did your mom Not want you to come by when she was sick from chemo?
I think it is because she doesn't want me to see her sick. She has the treatments on Tuesdays and I usually will wait for Thursday to call her. They are making her very sick. She does have a lot of help from her friends at church. They clean for her and help her with everything she needs.
I wish that she would try the cannabis treatments, but she won't. I think she is thinking about giving up.
As for me, when X got married it was really tough for a few days, but it is getting easier and I do feel some relief. For the past year, I've had "JUNE 15TH" hanging over my head. Now the date has passed and I do feel like a giant truck has been lifted from me.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
I wish that she would try the cannabis treatments, but she won't.
Why not? Maybe if you can show her some of the youtube videos, or if she's very traditional, go to pubmed and show her some of the scientific studies.
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As for me, when X got married it was really tough for a few days, but it is getting easier and I do feel some relief. For the past year, I've had "JUNE 15TH" hanging over my head. Now the date has passed and I do feel like a giant truck has been lifted from me.
Wow - until I read this, I had completely forgotten that what would have been my 29th wedding anniversary is coming up at the end of the week. Guess I really don't think about my ex much these days
