Seriously? You're blaming it on 25yearsmlc? She's right you know. It seems like you can't stop trying to control the situation and the members on here.
So the bottom line is that do you still want to save your M?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Blame? Just reading and interpenetrating what I read. guess I cant even do that.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Fine, I will leave and not insult anyone or control members.
I must really be more messed up than I thought.
Thanks for your honestly
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
JP, what is the information that landed on your lap?
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Hmmm I see you're still trying to manipulate. You didn't answer my question.
Do you want to save your M or not?
If your answer is 'yes', then we don't need am long answer for you why. If the answer is 'no' (honest here), then you can just leave and good luck to you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Blame? Just reading and interpenetrating what I read. guess I cant even do that.
and
Originally Posted By: jp787
Fine, I will leave and not insult anyone or control members.
I must really be more messed up than I thought.
Thanks for your honestly
are very similar here. Do you see it?
It's called taking the victim stance and although in some ways you ARE a victim, having that mentality will get you nowhere. Not in your marriage or in life.
Dig deeper JP. Try to put your fear aside and see what people are really trying to say. They care or they wouldn't post.....
... let them care about you.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
I've been in similar situations, JP. We all have. We let our emotions control our actions and this is what happens. You were literally trying to control the situation by "making up" a situation. It wasn't well played. It was very manuipluative, but it's not the end of the world.
Now, this is how you start to change. ACCEPT that what you did was wrong. ACCEPT what people are telling you is helpful. You don't have to do everything perfectly, you just have to grasp it. The change will happen only after you "get it". It's kind of like any addiction, you don't start to get better until you admit to YOURSELF that there is a problem. I struggle with doing the right thing, saying the right thing, even thinking the right thing. But, I know that I honestly do want the be better and do right. I want to improve myself. That's where it starts, and I suspect you are right there with me. You just need a slap in the face to get your mind in gear....All of these 2x4's are a big slap in the face, JP....feel it, accept it and move forward. It's not over yet. Work on yourself!
jp, I've read some of your threads but I often spend too much time here and I'm not sure -- are you getting any counselling at the moment? Have you seen a psych about perhaps getting on an SNRI?
Despite them having helped me I try not to recommend ADs and I know a lot of people on here are solidly against it, but I know the one I had really helped me with attachment and control problems and when I came off them I brought those new behaviours of acceptance over. For most people I'd avoid them but if you're having trouble with self-control after six months it may be something to consider. It seems that maybe the medical help could help you in demolishing these destructive thought patterns and building new ones that can last once you stop taking medication.
Me: 24 W: 24 T: 9 M: 6 S7, D4, S2 PA Starts, ILYBINILWY: Nov 2012 BD & PA Discovered: Jan 2013 First ML since BD: April 2013 Physical separation: Mid-May 2013
