interesting day.... I was doing a bit of an errand this afternoon and received a little text from my S 12 (step) I am in absolute awe....He is amazing me with all sorts of insight for his age. I know its the little things that make us smile, but this was a big little thing! Anyway...he wanted to know if we could chat and keep it between us....I was a bit apprehensive but seeing as how he has basically been shut out of my life for the past 8 months, I decided to risk it for a little bit. He basically said all of his ” I miss and love you's” in the first few lines, still referring to me as dad, which I am so proud of, and actually very honored about. Anyway, when it comes from the mouths of babes, I think you can pretty much bank on the authenticity of the information Well…of course mom is still seeing that other guy, but she really loved that gift you sent her for mother’s day, and she actually is wearing the baseball jersey…he told me He also let me know that there were several occasions when she was in deep thought about me and even got a bit depressed that I wasn’t around…could it be that the fog is about to lift?
I am taking it for what it is….for the most part…..its a connection…or at least the start of a connection. I will have to move slow…stay detached….and continue to DB But on the other had…I am freaking happy as hell!!!!!!
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
HELP…. OK…sort of got really nervous just a little bit ago….and I felt the need to reach out for some helpful, encouraging, and calming advice…..PLEASE! I just received a text from my ex-wife, whom has basically been a WAS since the end of Sept.2012 I guess, I can say though I am not completely surprised as I knew once she found out that the boy and I had been communicating and he invited me to come to his game the other night (which I showed up at) She basically wanted to know how I knew about the game…..and to let me know that the communication between the boy and I had made her a bit angry and she didn’t appreciate it at all. How did I know about the game…the boy texted me and invited me. We have been chatting/texting for the past few days….he has really missed me. I told him that the last time I let his mother know he called me, she basically cut off any and all communication between the kids and myself. So, this time I would be a bit more cautious and let it go a little longer before we let on that we were chatting….as he wanted to ask if he could come to my place sometime for the weekend.
Sometime ago (Jan) I had wanted to chat…she wasn’t read…then she offered and I had to cancel I sent her a letter…she didn’t take it well I admittedly have disappointed her in many ways thru our marriage…but in the past 8 months I have grown tremendously I need some serious advice here people…..my anxiety is starting to get the better of me…lol I don’t know if I should play this very low key or spill my guts!
She is now wanting to meet in person at my earliest convenience…..and I am booked solid, I could make room at anytime to see her….and I think she knows that I will
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
OKAY.... I'm one of those people that tends to get a little over analytical at times...lol But in this case, I am really having a hard time with the sudden onset for the requested face to face meeting.... If it were to be purely about boundaries and my seeing the kids (the boy is pushing for a weekend with me)...which has been on my general request since last October....anyway if it were purely about boundaries, my feelings are that she could just send me an email or a text, and let me know that the kids will be off limits until adult hood and if I don’t stay the you know what away from the kids she will see that I pay with my you know what. I’m trying to stay open minded and calm….
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
Ok....now all she said to that request (I asked her what she wanted to discuss) is that she is now granting me the request to have a face to face so that I can fill her in on all that I've learned in counseling....??? I went to her way back in early January asking to see her, and was all fired up to show her all the stuff I had stumbled on, on my quest to find the solutions as to why our marriage and relationship had fallen to pieces and how I was blown away at just how classic everything in our relationship had been...especially at the ending….the path to enlightenment isn’t easy…LOL At that time she didn’t care, didn’t want to hear it, nor did she even want to see any of the materials….of course this was just before I really started to even do any DBing….I was just in awe of the information that would have been so useful to me 3-6months prior
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
The experts should weigh in on how to handle the meeting BUT I would love the opportunity to talk to my XW about all I have learned too.
It is amazing how classic most of our relationship problems were. I looked deep into mine and all the stereotype issues were there. With all the stereotype issues come stereotype solutions. Its just that most of us don't get the chance to work through the issues once our spouses leave.
Looking forward to hearing what the experts on here say about how you should handle the talk with your X.
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
Well surprise surprise....she is still willing to go on a 3 to 4 hour afternoon ride and listen to anything and everything that I have to say...mmmmm To this I can only say that I am impressed that she wants to spend that much time with me after all this time has passed However I am very very cautious and very very skeptical that she only wants to do this For any purpose other than to say that she did it and to get it out-of-the-way She has not stated any other interest or reason for wanting to do this, or get away or to even have a conversation with me. I know it is a good place to start but...... It's really not time yet to have a conversation about relationship repair or is it?
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
Well, in my experience you can never know what their motivation truly is.
Try to go with low expectations.... ahhhh I tell you this like everyone always says..... but we end up having expectations that something good will come.... usually it leads to disappointment.
BUT go and be confident, listen to her, validate, and if she wants to hear how you are feeling then tell her. Be appreciative that she is willing to talk about things. HAVE FUN. Leave her with a good experience of it, not just a heavy conversation. Remember they want positive experiences with a confident person.
That is my (not expert) opinion.
Wish my XW would do that. In 5 years she has been very nice to me but has shown NO interest whatsoever in us.
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
If anybody is watching this thread or paying any attention to this all... The only thing that I am really in need of is running a little advice on how to say something to somebody that I want them back in my life but I don't think that that's what they want to hear right now.... But then again if they really didn't want to hear what it is I had to say, why would they even want to spend any time with me?
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
