Haven't been posting much lately. I have been very busy with life, but also taking time to reflect on where my life is and how I feel about everything.
Conclusions that I have come to and have communicated them with W:
1. I am glad that this happened, as it has become a huge opportunity to grow.
2. I am happy with my life and its direction now since I have begun to realize that happiness is a choice that I make every day. I accept myself and what my life is.
3. The path of self improvement that I am on is a lifetime choice, one that I am continuing to walk.
4. At this point in time I have no desire to be with W. The future is unknown, but I live in the present. She would have to be a different person, and since she isn't a different person, I accept her for who she is. But I wouldn't choose to be with her at this time (she asked).
5. I have an amazing support group of friends and family. I am investing myself into these relationships in ways that I never have. It has been immensely rewarding.
6. I am going to continue applying the DB principles into my relationship regardless of where it goes. The work I need to do on myself with communication and learning to love another and fulfill their needs is of paramount importance.
7. Being the best me, and the best father I can be is my focus. I am at peace with the rest.
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
Wow Moth! That's a great place to be. And that's how I have felt over the past couple weeks. Isn't it a great feeling having no expectations?
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Nice Moth!!! how far along in your sitch are you? (can you add to your signature??)
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I think that's great that you are where you are. I am envious!
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Yes, dropping all expectations and simply living the best I can is immensely empowering.
I added the BD to my sig.
There is no reason to be envious jp, just stick to the plan! The advice that people offer up here has a lot of merit. It just takes whatever amount of time that it takes to progress through the various stages of your own sitch. Nothing can speed up the process. Just keep working on you, detaching and GAL. You Will be ok.
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
In telling her where I am at etc. at first she seemed fine, slightly emotional but thanked me for being honest. Now she seems to be way more interested on what the hell is going on in my life. Also much more forward about not wanting things to be over.
The thing for me is this, I didn't get to where I am and make the decision to not want to be with her as a tactic to get her back. I simply want to live and do my own work. I have advised her when she asked that she also should take this opportunity and go on her own personal growth journey.
Not going back on what I have told her. I don't know what the future holds but in the present I don't desire to attempt to rekindle any intimacy with W. Also I am pretty sure she is just scrambling because now the choice is taken away from her. But I told her that I would in no way disrespect myself by being sloppy seconds.
Also even though she has rescinded some of the hurtful things she said, ( the script I suppose) she still has yet to own her A.
Anyway, life is great. I am happy where I am.
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
Moth, I am really inspired by your ability to focus and improve yourself.
I have a question, you went from wanting to reconcile to not wanting to in about a week? What happened there, just seeing where W was?
I wish I could remove my thoughts from my W's A as you seem to have done, that is amazing to me.
I am thinking you have self worth and self esteem and that makes a difference. So that will be my focus for me.
Your posting has helped me. Thank you
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Dropping all expectations and accepting that this is my life. Every action of mine and my W precipitated reaching his place. We did what we did and there could be no other result, and you cannot change the past.
Here is he thing, I put my head down and just went to work on me. But during these last six months I only blamed myself and let W continue to blame me. I am very proud of the progress I have made on my anger, on being open emotionally and on being a better father for my son.
But the last couple of weeks I have been contemplating a lot of things. It is said often on these boards that your spouse will never be the same. I realized that this whole time I have kept the door home for her wide open. She could [censored] off and do whatever she felt, and I was just being a doormat saying yes I will wait no matter what.
I am no longer of that opinion. I have value as a person, and there have definitely been things that needed to change about me. I am working hard toward those changes. But why would I want to just take someone back who doesn't really accept and want to change their faults in the M?
The answer is that I don't.
My M is dead, I accept that. The path I am on may or may not converge with W in the future. But I cannot change her or fix her. She must go through her own self discovery. I accept her for who she is as a person, and for being the mother of our S. I do not accept that I want to be intimate with that person though.
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
