Family things are difficult. I have a brother - yes, I know, I've never mentioned him. There are reasons for that. He has done a lot to hurt my family, especially my parents. He continues to be a great burden to them. But, they are all adults, so I do my best to stay out of the way...
I feel like when I read all the stories here, we are getting the tip of the iceberg, only info and details that people wish to share. So much goes into who we are and what we believe. I don't think there's a quick life summary out there for any of us.
I used to do the same too - wonder why certain people seemed to have it so easy, while others continually struggled. I have realized that things usually aren't what they seem for anybody - and that everyone has their own cross to bear.
You are an amazing woman, and yes, your xh is a crazy double idiot! But that's his problem, right?
Keep on being wonderful you and easing on down the road (even if it is long and windy)
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Hey T, I agree, though we only see what people choose to post, they do come through. Who you are, what you are made of, comes through to me.
It is so difficult for me to see my son and my sister struggle so. To know that I cannot fix it. That is so hard for me to accept. So hard. They are the two people I love most in this world.
They are extraordinary people. Extraordinary. I am honored and blessed to be part of their lives.
So it is that and so much more.
There is a restlessness in me, of sorts. And it is true, as my friend Bea says. That, for me, when I feel this way, it is a backing up to take a leap over a big puddle.
It is part of a path for me to move forward again.
And that excites me and scares me just a little. I am not afraid of the work I know it entails, though.
And I understand that the very best things can come from the hardest work.
So, I will continue to think it through.
And when I can put it in words that make more sense, I will. And I know my friends on here will be there to cheer me on, boost me up and tell me like it is.
Something else I have learned on life's journey is that when our loved ones hurt, we hurt too, and vice versa.
I've been on both sides, and it is hard.
There's a certain level of feeling helpless when we can't take away a loved ones pain. And there's a certain feeling of helplessness mixed with guilt when you are the one in pain that can't be helped. That's my experience anyway...
I love my children so much, and am thankful for them being at an age where I can still shelter them (mostly) from the ugliness in life (such as what has been going on with their father). But I know there will come a time when that will end. Not ready for that...
You are lucky to have people in your life whom you love and admire so much - and they are lucky to have you.
I have thought often of your puddle analogy - you posted it to me awhile back about my H. We all have those puddle moments! (And he is becoming quite the limber guy - standing in doorways, feet in different rooms, trying to jump over puddles )
And yes, you have friends here who will cheer you on as you lace up your sneakers and take that running start - but who will also pick you up out of the puddle if you don't quite make it the first time, giving you that towel to dry off, and encourage you to try again.
I agree - the best things do take the hardest work.
Continue to think it through, doing what you need to do, feeling what you need to feel.
I'm always ready to listen
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
I love my children so much, and am thankful for them being at an age where I can still shelter them (mostly) from the ugliness in life (such as what has been going on with their father). But I know there will come a time when that will end. Not ready for that...
Yes, I am not going to lie, it is very hard. My son had a very difficult life before all this. I thought this would break him. And while he was derailed by it, I know that he has an incredible amount of strength and courage and pray each day he finds his way. And it doesnt stop me from wanting things to be easier for him. His life is such a struggle. I continue to be in awe of the amazing person he is.
You are lucky to have people in your life whom you love and admire so much.
I am so very blessed.
I have thought often of your puddle analogy - you posted it to me awhile back about my H. We all have those puddle moments! (And he is becoming quite the limber guy - standing in doorways, feet in different rooms, trying to jump over puddles
Haha. Yes, they do become quite limber.
And yes, you have friends here who will cheer you on as you lace up your sneakers and take that running start - but who will also pick you up out of the puddle if you don't quite make it the first time, giving you that towel to dry off, and encourage you to try again.
Now you've made me cry.
Continue to think it through, doing what you need to do, feeling what you need to feel.
I like to post about stuff that happens with my xh from time to time to show how MLC can play out and hope it helps someone.
So, as some of you know, my xh was a particularly nutty MLCer. Some of the things that came out of his mouth were unbelieveable.
I really should have written a book.
Anyway, we dont have much real contact. He lives 5 hours away. son is over 21.
But from time to time, we do, for various reasons. I am happy to keep it at a minimum. I have forgiven him, really and truly and wish him well.
But because of the horrific things he did to me financially, which he still will not set right, though he is in a position to, while I continue to struggle, I see no reason to be friends at this time.
I hope my friend, True, is lurking. He always enjoyed a good convo between me and my ex.
I was going through some old photos. When h left, he took his clothes, that was it. Left things our son had given him, made him. Left it all. He knew where to find it, never asked.
But me being me, as I was going through these photos, I just felt that he should have them. I thought, he could do what he wants with them and I have done what I thought was right.
Ok, so I text him. Ready.....
Me; Was going through some old photos. Some of them are from when you were very young. I wanted to know if you would like to have them.
He: Photos?
Me: Um, yea. Photos, you know, you take them with a camera. You keep them as memories. LOL!
He: What kind of photos?
Me: Well, all of kinds. When you were a kid,a teenager, with your family, your son, with me. Did you forget you had pictures here?
He: I guess I hadnt thought of them.
Me: Ok, well, do you want me to pack them up and send them to you?
He: I guess so. You dont want to keep them?
Me: (Slapping my head)Um, not the ones of you as a kid and a teenager. Why would I?
He: So you can remember what I was like then.
Me: (slapping my head harder) But I didnt know you then. I asked son to take a look and he took a couple. So, do you want them?
He: What about the ones of us?
me: I kept the ones I wanted. I assume you dont want those.
He: Do we look happy?
Me: (Looking around for a hammer) Yes,we do. Very happy.
He: Ok, I want those.
Me: But not the ones of when you were young?
He: Yea, I guess those, too.
Me: Ok, I should have let it go at that as my head was pounding.
Me: So, I want to understand. You now want the photos of us, because we look happy. Is that right?
He: Yea, why wouldnt I?
And then, True, the I looked for the nearest wall.
Wow. Forget jello brain... He has a whole freakin parfait up there! Lol!!!
What's strange is that it seems often times the MLCer keeps everything loved ones give them (as Snodderly says, sometimes even the wrapping paper!)
So it's odd that he wouldn't want the stuff from your son. Then again, everything about your x is odd!
And maybe he has tried to forget how happy you were - too painful to remember.
I can't remember... Did he have a bad childhood? Would he not want any reminders of it?
Hope you didn't bang your head too much after that conversation!
~~~~~~~~~~~
And you never know what could happen in the future... I picture meeting you at your favorite diner (I know you have to have one!), me ordering breakfast no matter what time it is, you ordering your favorite thing from the menu, and us shooting the ____ for many hours.
Then of course we would need dessert! Lol! Just no jello...
The thought makes me smile
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Just want you to know how much I care.