Jjac, I am proud to hear you went with your heart and recieved a kind response, keep on loving unconditionally. If things do not work out with your wife, at least you will be a better man!
Me 33 W 32 Married 10/13/12 WAW Started sleeping in spare room 1/13/13 Divorce filed 2/13/13 Seperated 3/1/13 till ????????? Divorced 5/28/13
So does anyone have any comments about what to do or not to do for staying dark a.k.a. Gray or any other shade of the same When it is obvious that the ex is involved in a relationship
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
My dilemma seems to almost always play out the same way….each and every time I begin to think about it. Its almost like a bad version of “Groundhogs Day” where I cant get the ending to come out the way it was intended. I start thinking in terms of explaining everything that happened, good bad and otherwise, and the events that tripped each of our reactions and behaviors. Of course the explanation is clear to me, my family, my friends, and anyone that gets even a little taste of my relationship dynamic….and even though it is clear that I may have done a few stupid things, reacted on various times with a bit too much emotion or passion, it is clear that I was (and am still ) truly in love with my wife. I am often getting the same type of reaction from other married and divorced people that my crimes were not all that bad, and that there are many of those among us that have done so much worse, and survived so more, to make it back to a very happy and loving marriage. I am starting to think I am stuck…really stuck on letting things go….thinking that if I let them go completely, they will be lost of any future possibilities for a second chance. I get back on the horse, trying to detach, yet only seem to be able to get so far into that role, before allowing some memory to tug me back into that place of missing my family and getting so freaking angry that things played out the way that they did. Plus when I add in the fact that my ex has moved on into another relationship, it just puts me into a place of…why waste my time?
Of course I have some really good days, but man have I been hit with a flood of negativity on my goal of reconciliation….does anyone have any advice?
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
A toss up question.... With the successful reply from a well planned out Mothers Day and Birth Day gesture a little over a week ago from my ex. Would it be considered pushing or pursuing if I did another gesture this close to that one. I am experiencing a huge bounty of blooms from all of the Lilacs I have around the property and I was always known for filling the house up with their beauty and fragrance this time of year since the time we first met. I have the biggest urge to place a bunch of these fresh cut flowers on her front porch today, so that she might enjoy them as she once did... I want to in my heart....However this would trigger another memory, hopefully a good one. But my biggest hope is I feel that she should be thinking of me and missing me on her own.
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
Ok, I just read/reread Sandi's list of dos and don'ts.... So, I only can realistically do this in my heart....this bunch will have to go to the girls at work....:) Damn it's tough learning to have to live and love detached
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
JJAC... don't do it. Sorry, its not what you want to hear.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Thanks, I kind a got that on my own.... But it's awful nice to have somebody Chime in.... The support here has been awesome... I really appreciate it....
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
Its great when we finally "get it" and what we are supposed to be doing.... although, its still extremely hard to do and not at all what we want to be doing.
Wishing you a happy day.
wfm
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
