Letting Go & Moving Forward 2

[tori2012]

GTO, just caught up w your sitch. It's okay to celebrate the small successes, which I believe you are experiencing. I see small positive signs in your H's behavior.

Thank you for posting what you have learned. I think that's the greatest gift we get out of this: the lessons learned.

(((((((((((((())))))))))))))

[labug]

This is a great post GTO, and you have come a long way.

You may regret the catalyst that brought about the change but you will never regret the change.

[JuneReN]

Hear hear....

[littleGTO]

Journaling today--

H called me on the way to work to review the daily kid schedule, but also took the time to ask how I was doing (rarely does this) and then he said he wanted my opinion about a summer trip he is considering taking w the boys-solo.

He wanted my opinion about the financial aspect of doing the same trip one way or another. The strange thing is he said something about how this trip was different than the trip(s) I would be taking w the boys this summer, as they are getting together w my family.

He certainly couldn't come on those trips, he said (I didn't exactly invite him either). Then he said, but this trip is different. I didn't know if he was implying that maybe I should go with them???

He also said he wouldn't take them for a whole week as it would probably be too much for them to be away from me and vice versa.

Then he went on to talk about this Memorial weekend party I am having and said he's really surprised I was doing this & that it was a lot of work to get ready for a party--the house, the yard, shopping, etc. (Implying what? that I'm not capable, or that of course I'll need his help?)

I told him politely that I realize it's a lot of work but that I didn't expect him to help me get ready for it.

Then he went on again about how it would be "weird" for him to be there but equally "weird" for him not to be. (...since there will be mixed company there--people who know about our sitch & people who don't).

ANd he was surprised I would want to have a party given our situation.

By the end of our conversation I was on the verge of tears (as it felt like he was giving me the slightest, itty bitty inkling of hope & that he was actually TALKING to me not just about the kids). BUt, I held it together and ended the conversation before he did as I had gotten to work.

Please tell me NOT to read anything into this.

On the other hand, does it sound like just maybe he is still confused?

"Believe nothing they say and only half of what they do." Okay.

[willbwell]

Thank you for posting this!

[willbwell]

We are on similar timelines... I look for any glimmer of hope. I choose love and forgiveness over fear. Know what I want in life... Empathy for H who does not and still confused.

[littleGTO]

Thanks, willbwell,

I can't help but look for signals of confusion. I want to believe even though he appears to be on this singular-lane road toward OW that he really isn't sure about his path at all.

A friend of mine said definitely NOT to entertain the idea of going on a vacation with him and boys even if he invites me to come (for whatever reason). That I should use this time to find out what it is like to be by myself and to embrace this time. I agree, although I am very doubtful H would invite me on this trip anyway.

H's dad/ my FIL is coming out (1 1/2 hrs) to see boys' baseball games on Saturday. After games we would normally hang out at the house w him for a couple of hours. HOWEVER, I do NOT want to do this, as I feel like it is time for H to realize his choices mean that some things are NOT going to be the same.

Any thoughts?

[willbwell]

Depends on what your relationship is with the FIL. My SIL comes in town and stays with me and the kids. She doesn't see my H-her brother. H has cut off communication with everybody. Even a best friend from his childhood was in town. H didn't see him. I did.
This time last year(when all of this was starting) SIL was coming in town. I had asked H if he were not going to work on our M, then to ask her not to come. I was an emotional wreck at the time. He said nothing to her. I of course took this as a sign of hope. Not to be....
SIL know the situation. I have maintained contact with her. She is supportive of me and the kids.
As far as your FIL. If you don't want to have him over, then don't. or another option go for an ice cream so the kids can have time to visit
I am still very accommodating to my H. sometimes I think too its time for him to face some reality as to what he's doing to our family( ie, he doesn't get to come just when its convenient for him)
We were at a race recently out of town for S16. I ended up booking my own hotel room for me and D.I think it was better that way..

[2chiquitos]

Hi LGTO

I thought it was funny that you're having a party because I am the same. I am not the one to organize parties. That was more Hs thing. Last year I decided to have TWO parties without his help and we had the EXACT same conversation you and your H had about it! LOL!

He was shocked I was doing this on my own and also questioned whether he should attend. He didn't attend either event. He later told me he had parked outside and saw me dancing with D1 and wished he could join us but wasn't comfortable about it.

Not too long ago we had another talk about vacationing. Me with the kids (minus H). He let me know that when I brought it up to him it hurt him. Funny! I thought he wanted us to separate that means we don't vacation together, right??

Finally, don't jump onto those conclusions you're making. (I'm not helping with the above notes) but just remember that H is confused and he will say and do things that don't match. He's even more confused than you are with his actions/words.

Continue to take care of yourself

[JuneReN]

Oh Turtle and Chiqi....you mean you haven't been totally devastated and gone Into your little pathetic shells when H decided to faff off? How could you become strong independent women in your own right, with your own decisions and your own power?? Shame on all of you.