I did "try" to communicate some of what's going on to the kids last night via texting. DS did not respond at all. DS was not happy with the truth of the matter and accused me of attempting to influence her. She's a kid and previously believed the judge will decide as she wants. I told her that wasn't the case, so I'm the "bad guy" once again trying to "scare her."
The word "visitation" does not appear in the legal document. I'm it sure if X has tried to make me the bad guy in kids eyes, although she searches for reasons they should not live with me (i.e. house not clean enough). X does try to demonized fiancé and today met with fiance's supervisor at her place of employment (we're both teachers and DD attends the school where we teach).
X did not inform me of HER conference with the principal this PM concerning our DD, ANOTHER violation of custody orders which require parents to communicate "conferences" ,among other things, to one another.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
I have appt with new L at 10:00 this AM It's 2:00 AM now and I can't sleep. Today is the third day I've taken off from work this month (was supposed to be evaluated this week) cause of this mess. New L advised filing contempt charges and will. Previous L's secretary called me late yesterday afternoon that X's L had contacted my L to "work some things out", will transfer info to new L. Not sure what that means other than X got letter from my L requesting compliance with court order and was probably reason for angry texting last night, conference with fiance's supervisor yesterday and contact from her L.
I got a feeling this is going to get really bad before its over. The emotional impact of changes in DD's attitude along with the situation being virtually the ONLY topic of conversation between us is taking a toll on my and fiance's relationship. We're supposed to be planning for a wedding six weeks from now. Not having my kids for three weeks along with the estrangement X has been/is fostering is taking a toll on me. In the AM I will literally empty my bank account to pay retainer fee. My roof is leaking/needs replacing and I have appt with roofer tomorrow afternoon. Somehow I've got to find time to replace my water heater, finish my taxes and talk to a bankruptcy attorney.
"Now is the summer of our discontent...."
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
I have another appt with C on Thursday. Made several in anticipation of what is now happening and will discuss children with him. I did text DD a few facts about what is about to occur legally the other night. Someone has fed her baloney that she gets to decide who she lives with and I feel she needed to know the truth. I was gentle. X texted the next AM saying I should be ashamed. I'm not sure what X is telling her. I may see DS this afternoon and must decide what to say to him. X and I had agreed to bring children to appt last week that got cancelled. She is aware of this one and though she opines wanting to co to counseling to "work this out" (read: get my way) I doubt she will bring kids and attend now that L's are involved.
After an evening of texting spew shich resumed in the morning, the last text between us was from X, that she had ened kids in summer keyboarding class, along with pics of the brochure (huh?). Following that seemingly cooperative gesture she violated the custody orders again by having a parent conference with DD's principal without informing me (for nefarious reasons I believe).
Nope. I don't text X anymore. I reminded her of this weeks C appointment 9 days ago and am tempted to do so again but probably won't. If she doesn't show it will be my fault for not reminding her I'm sure.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
1.Take no immediate action/wait to see what X files (expected as a L contacted my 1st lawyer on behalf of X)
I have since learned the L that made the contact is a personal friend of X's H and I believe was fishing for info (doesn't practice family law). I called clerk of court and no filing as of yet.
2. Decide what I really want (full custody, etc).
I guess just wanting my kids back isn't enough of a want.
3. Decide if marrying my fiancé is worth possibly losing my kids.
He said I have upset the "status quo" by proposing. I am the one who is changing my children's world. He believes any court action will be a coin toss (50% chance of prevailing).
In the mean time X has my kids and her H has taken on Rome of bodyguard. He has much time on his hands and takes them to events/lessons/activities and stays with them where he used to drop them off and return to pick them up.
C today.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
I'm going to seek full physical custody of my son and allow DD to live with X. I want it scheduled so that X and I have both our children every other weekend.
Reasoning:
L told me DD CAN decide where she lives in approximately two years (when 16-17yrs of age). Most issues/objections have been connected to DD. I have learned DD is being creative with the truth.
My son asked me last August, "Dad, what would you do if you came to pick me up and mom had a gun and wouldn't let me go with you?" I told him I wouldn't let anyone get hurt. I'd leave and return with the police (the law) and get him. In effect, I feel like that's what I'm about to do.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
Today's C session was quite animated , almost became violent, there was physical contact between X and OMH (he pulled her off of one couch and moved her to another because she was inches from fiance's face calling her "bitch" repeatedly and probably thought X was about to hit her). That was in the waiting room while C was talking to DS and DD. A therapist came into the room to intervene and fiancé and I were asked to move to another area which we gladly did. The therapist warned if what she had seen ever happened again she would call the police.
Slight words began in C's office during introductions in front of kids. OMH butted in and began to berate me as to my failure in marriage to X.
OMH: "You dropped the ball in your marriage, Sleeper." Sleeper: "And you picked it up before the marriage and started running touchdowns." OMH: "That's not true." Sleeper: "I've got the pictures in my car to prove it." OMH: "You're an idiot."
Then the adults moved to the waiting room where all was fairly calm until fiancé arrived and X came unglued.
Next session is adults only in 1.5 weeks. C is still trying to avoid court battle, says it will be good for no one. I just remembered he once mentioned a desire to write a book on e everything that had happened to X, myself and our children. Maybe he's just gathering more material.
"It's a fine madness", Sleeper.... AND It's real. Me and my kids have been living this [censored] for years.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
It might be good to have a private meeting with a FC to discuss the kid's interests in the coming custody hearing. If the FC can't do it, then perhaps a different FC.
To me, it seems bad for the kids to arrange different custody schedules for them. I imagine that I would have felt rejected and unloved and worthless in my father's eyes if he went for full custody of a sibling but not me. That is the last thing a young woman needs to be feeling. It will put her at great risk of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.
