Good morning... I am posting another text exchange, for ME, to see if you all feel like I handled it better. I feel I made my point and stood up for myself:
H: return client appt. 930am tomorrow
M: Great! Did they say why?
H: Don't know
M: Are you asking me to go? (This is where I normally stress and wonder if I am expected to go to this appt, as sometimes he says he will do it other times, he expects me there... recall, I ALWAYS ask if a client time is suitable for him, he doesn't offer the same respect to ask.)
H: Of course
M: It wasn't clear. Tty in the am then.
After that exchange, I felt detached.. I sensed his mood as we hadn't spoke since 3pm. I wasn't going to let this convo bring me down with him... I was already there on my own (anniv.)
New day today (raining), 9:30 appt.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
WFM inside out states exactly what I am trying to tell you. Your H might be trying to talk to you in HIS LL. Act of service or gift by bringing you a drink. It sounds silly but it is so true. OFTEN we try to speak to our spouse/partner in OUR LL and when the spouse doesn't respond to it (because it isn't his/hers) we get deflated. You need to recognize this and see it as a positive.
Why not try to change the dynamics one day and you get the hot chocolates (2 of them not 1).
I am literally trying to learn to accept my W's LL she speaks in. Which is "Acts of Service" which does NOTHING for me. Zero. But Im trying to get use to it
HI PON, yes I do know that his LL is acts of service. BUT, I see the 2 hot chocolates as just a nice guesture towards a business partner on an anniversary...its all he could do. If he meant it as a LL towards me, it would have been one cup.
When I try to do nice things, he usually rejects them... so would not do the hot chocolate/coffee guesture. But last week I gave him a bottle of wine. He appreciated that.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
"When I try to do nice things, he usually rejects them... so would not do the hot chocolate/coffee guesture. But last week I gave him a bottle of wine. He appreciated that."
So why would he appreciate the wine, but not hot chocolate?
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
So WFM, what if he did nothing at all? I am laughing because you seem to be the Bugs Bunny guy..."Where's the Kaboom? There's supposed to be an earth shattering Kaboom!"
cbt... the wine I can drop off & leave. The hot chocolate, insinuates sit down and enjoy now. Besides, we are always on the fly. We don't sit down to enjoy much anymore.
IO... oh, dont get me wrong, I appreciate the guesture. For weeks I was wanting him to have just a coffee with me.
Today he is pretty testy with me.... just pushed my buttons. He is acting all "busy" and being short wicked with me. When I questioned him he said, that I don't provide answers to him. Then he suggested we stick to the call at hand, business. I said, thats "ALL I AM" and that he should be happy we are selling... said bye and hung up on him....
Should I correct this? I kinda hung up on him
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
NO! Do not call back. And stop questioning him. And yes, right now that's all you are to him "business partner" I know that hurts, but that's why you can't react to it. I lost myself with a little craziness, but I feel back on track!
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
OK cbt... yes, business partner only... I have a hard time with that line. So, you dont think I should text back saying sorry for crossing a line and upsetting him that I am just trying to parter back & get the job done?
Or... let him know I was mad, and he can be mad at me?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
What outcome are you looking for? And I am sorry that line hurts, but all I am to my W right now is her sons father. We have to accept that for the moment, doesn't mean it will be that way forever. But at this moment unfortunately majority of us on this board are in that boat
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
