I haven't answered. God, why did I marry this guy, ha. I mean, how is Gus a girlie name? Anywho, I want to text back, why don't we ask girlfriend #1, she picks fabulous names... FYI-her kids names are ridiculous. I won't post them, but one is like naming your kid Brick. It's a type of metal. But, alas. I went NC. Maybe I'll just name the kid myself...
I have to agree with Gabbysmom, except a D bag is slightly better than someone who says crap like that. I'd give him your options for a name he can choose from your list and then you decide what name you want. If his decision coincides with yours then "sweet" if not then "sweet" lol.
You'll run tri's thats what winners do, they find ways to win even when the odds are against them. You T are that winner!!
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Ok, I agree that my H is a narsassistic dbag. But, he was joking. He use to say that stuff to get a rise out of me when we were picking names for S4. I took that more as a way to try & get me to engage in banter with him and annoy me. Plus, the name he said meant manly. I had listed the names with there meanings. I just see that he isn't going to probably ever stop trying to engage me. Barf.
Even tonight when I had the kids call them on speaker he was all "give your mom a big hug from me.". Then trying to ask me how I was, how I'm feeling, how my sister is. I just kept pulling the kids back in, then when D2 kept kidding the phone (so freakin' cute!!!) and hanging up on him, I let him go.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
T.... I totally see "how" you do it in your interractions with h, and how he pursues back... interesting. I will try your approach. Please be patient with me and keep reminding me how you do it (by examples).. TX
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I was going to guess kicking the phone, which could also be cute considering who was on the other line! :p
Buh wa wa wa! Spit out my water. Awesome!!!
WFM- I've learned patience through DB, do I have plenty for you you will get there!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
So H texted for me to bring the kids major league baseball outfits. I texted back that they will be so excited to see the game. Of course, pang in my heart...right? So here is the text exchange:
H: I know you have set boundaries, of which I respect but I know how much it hurts me to not go to the zoo & stuff. I have 4 tickets sat.
Me: I appreciate the invite. It's just too hard for me to be around you. I want to eventually be able to do family stuff. Let me just think about it, but probably not.
As I hit send this comes through
H:scratch that it's a bad idea
H:I'm sorry I just am lost. Don't know what to do
H: If you've given up I have numbers for free or cheap divorce. One is catholic so you can probably get that legit thru them.
M:I'm not ready to D, yet. I'm letting you go and trying to process my hurt & anger. I don't think we need to rush to do anything, especially when we are both so full of emotion. If you feel different, I'm open to whatever. I just think time won't do anything but help.
H: Good H: They have counselling
Me: For you, me, kids?
H:just sent u email. This past week had me worried and looking. I still don't know.
M: Look, I won't just spring a D on you. I want to choose a mediator together & D as civily as possible. Which is why I don't see a need to rush. I'm hurt. I'm angry. All I know is we aren't together but where still acting like we were. So, now we aren't. I'm processing that.
H:Not trying to imply any fault. Now I'm sorry I ever explain how I feel.
H: Have a good day.
Me: I wasn't mad.
H: I hate text.
AND...then I called him. Bad idea. I won't do the exact blow by blow...but man!! I was calm. I reiterated the above. He said that he felt I was done. I said that I'm the closest to that, but right now I just need to detach. Taking it step by step. Then there was just a bunch of "sorry I'm just such a mess" and not in a very sorry tone. How getting my email was so hurtful that I'll never trust him and think he is running around sleeping with all these people. Then he launched into how he may never trust me since I looked through his stuff. I was silent. Is he really trying to turn this on me?! Yes. Yes he is. Barf. There were things about him not having any support. How he gets my resentments...but I think that is when he threw in how hurtful my email was. His phone started cutting out, which was good because I started to feel a bit bad...eye roll...I know. So I said I need to go.
I'm sitting here at work...stunned. CLearly not working But, I realized that I still want this man to GET IT. Like, hello?! Look what you are doing. He says it flippantly, "I get it, I'm the dbag!" Um, no. You don't . And, you never will. And that needs to be ok with me. I need to accept that. He is a wild animal in a corner. He is clawing for any way out. He old manipulations aren't working. Why aren't they working on her? And I am still looking for a rational response. A sincere "I'm sorry. I have really screwed up." Not the I get it, BUT! As long as I show a smidgen of weakness, he will try to exploit that. He wants me to feel sorry for him. I've spent months doing that. I'm going to feel sorry for the pregnant wife who trusted someone and was c r a p e d on, and their 3 children that have to deal with the explosion. And I'm the first hand outstretched to help them stand up, move on and kick some butt!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Oh, Tallula. This is so hard. I understand how you feel. You had a glimpse of hope that maybe he will get it, but your H is a manipulator, big time. Don’t get pulled into this again. I agree with you that you need to detach and process this first, and then think about the next steps. I would try to avoid any R talks with him, it will only upset you and give him another chance for his manipulations.
You are a very strong person. You will get through this. One step at a time. (((((HUGS)))))
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I don't know, I go back and forth between...start it and divorce, and let's let things sink in. Let your emotions level out before fighting over the fridge and the 30 hammers we have. Cause I haven't said "I'm done. We aren't getting back together. But let's wait to actually hammer things out." Which is how I feel. So I feel like I'm stringing him along. He had brought up how hurtful it was to say we aren't in a trust building place. (My eyes still hurt from them rolling to the back of my head on that one) I just said, "We aren't. You are still with OW. So, you aren't trying to build trust with me." But maybe I should have said, "No, and I never will. I'm done." I was thinking maybe the process would be better. I detach emotionally, then a few months down the road I say I'm truly done.
I think I'm scared to say it. I'm scared to say out loud to him, I'm done. I'm scared he will react crazy, get mean. I'm just scared. But...I'm done.
I'll explore this with IC Monday. What do you guys think?
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
