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A Message from Michele
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Joined: Dec 2012
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Posts: 733
"So... I guess you guys don't want to hear about today's interaction with h? oh well"

No, that's fine what you ended up posting. It's when something he does, doesn't go your way and you flip and ask "What does that mean?!" "Why is he being mean" blah, blah.

If you posted "I had to call H for work, he didn't answer. It really annoys me and of course, I go crazy thinking about what he is doing, but I'm going to not call again and go for a run/walk/coffee with a girlfriend to get my mind off of it"

Does that make sense?


M: 9 yrs
T: 13 yrs
H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months
Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs
Dbing 12/12
S 1/13
7/13 H moved back in basement.
8/13 #3 born
10/13 still cheating
10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,561
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Posts: 2,561
yep... I need direction on how to focus on me.


M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Posts: 12,602
The interaction sounded like it went well. He was talking to you with the future in mind. Count that as a positive.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Feb 2013
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maybe mrbong.. I know that he wants us to have "stuff" and to "enjoy" our hard efforts... Just not sure if together or apart.


M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
When the positives come, you have to start recognizing them as such. The positives will be small and not so glaring. There are many WASs here who have absolutely no contact with their LBS and some whose contact is very negative and violent even. It's a plus what you're going through.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 2,124
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Posts: 2,124
yes my W called 911 on me and threw a laptop at my head but....3 days later called me to pick up dinner. I counted that positive.

Count the positives. Even if it is once a month, then once a week,

Honestly WFM I still count my positives. Life is really about being non reactive. If you're non reactive it is such a better place to be.

Remember to learn the waltz

Joined: Feb 2013
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sure... but, we have to get along... we own a business together. If he isn't nice to me, then I guess I would have to end the business, maybe he knows that too. I could not continue to work with him under anything less than nice/polite.

However, he was nice to me today. Bought me coffee too (normally we share a large, this was my own...sad for that), and later this evening apologized for not answering my call as he was on an important one. Lately, he wouldn't offer such an explanation.

I guss I will take these as positives. Sure is better than him being miserable at me. Lately, its been almost daily.


M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
Member
Offline
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
Yes they are positives. You keep expecting these huge changes coming from him to be sure they're positives. AGAIN, that's YOUR expectations of how YOU think he should be acting. Give him a chance to express positives the way HE wants to. Stop trying to control things and accept the blessings that come your way.

First you complain that there are no positives, then when we point them out to you, you give reasons why they aren't positives. All of the changes will come slowly. You have to believe in them.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,561
Member
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,561
ok.... I will take your word, and wait & see. Im skeptical but super GREATFUL. These ``positives`` are very similar to the way he was in the very very very beginning, like the first few days of our relationship. I will take a back seat & let him lead the way HE wants to, if he wants to. And I, will focus on work, etc and anything else to keep from hyper-focusing on him & our r. I like the Dean & Carol story in DR, I keep re-reading it.


M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,561
Member
OP Offline
Member

Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,561
not sure I handled this the best way... this is a typical disagreement, that I get involved in. Please show me how to DB through this text convo.

H: Did you check list today?

M: alls good

H: Even X & Y or do you care

M: I wasn`t looking for them. Did u see any?

H: How would I (H just got a computer, I have been teaching him)

M: cuz I taught u

H: (5 mins later) Done it once....does same apply to you?

M: U ususally remember

M: (11 mins later) Are you mad at me now?

H: (25 mins later) No!

M: I hope not. Because I was complimenting...how I need to be told often, but you typically remember on first lesson. and it doesn`t translate very well in text.

I know him... He was annoyed when he suggests "do I remember things after being told only once" (I need multiple instructions) and based on the time it took him to answer, as the messages were instant....he was mad. Same ol h! I was trying not to get pulled into an arguement.... did I db?


M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
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