we own a biz - pt 5

[theUF]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...572#Post2336572
I still depend on him for happiness, because HE is who I want. How do you give up on a dream?

That's fine(underlined), and you don't have to abandon your dream. You need to find a middleground where you still have that dream, but also have an alternative route for your life. When you depend on H for happiness your putting all your eggs in one basket, and that basket is rocking away violently.

[makingmagic]

theUF.... what do you mean "rocking away violently"... I have always had the same "dream", the alternative never existed. I never thought I'd be in this situation...EVER!

mrbond... I had to put the book down, all it makes me want to do is have the opportunity to share some of the things I am learning by reading... but, i need a willing partner, etc. Is there something in particular that you think I am missing? that you want me to read/understand? I want to keep reading it, but it makes me sad... sad for what is gone.

im having a sad day

[MrBond]

" I want to keep reading it, but it makes me sad... sad for what is gone."

Read and Learn.

It still gets frustrating when you ask the same questions over and over again that are covered in the book. If you can't have the patience to read a book, you're not going to have the patience to get things rolling.

Stop making excuses. You are still looking for the "easy" way out. It takes work. Even the worst situations on here at least read the book. Read it like a textbook rather than a reflection of your sitch.

[makingmagic]

I am reading as I am typing... however, I am getting to the final chapters.

If I am not obsessing on here, I am reading/thinking obsessing about my situation. I need a break.

[Pathfinder2]

wfm, how can you read and type at the same time and get ANYTHING out of the book?

Go read!!


And just be still.

[makingmagic]

ok.. hows this for 180?.. (gosh, so hard to do). Earlier today h, ignored some of my calls and leaving an important business decision in the air, he eventually texted his request. So, 2 hours later a similar situation happened... I ignored his calls/texts, and texted my request. Now, hours later, rec'd a text message from h, that a client is showing up (unexpectedly) suggesting I drop everything and meet client with him. Normally, this is fine... but, I haven't showered and cannot possibly be "on call" because he expects me too. I ALWAYS contact him first to see if a client time is suitable for him. He doesn't give me the same respect. My D knows this and suggested that I text back "too short of notice for me. I can't make it this time. good luck. keep me posted!"

Well? This is me showing some boundaries and asking for respect in return. Did I do it right? (sure feels funny, me not jumping to his demands)

[theUF]

Almost everyone told me after BD that they never thought the day would come, they always thought me and X would stay together. Well, nothing in life is certain.

What I meant was that you have put yourself in a position where you depend fully on H, and right now H is unsure about what he wants. This is turning your world upside down, hence the basket rocking away.

[makingmagic]

fyi... I am sure h is p!ssed now, BIG TIME !!!!

[reb9597]

Everyone handles their situation differently and I remember the panic I felt soon after bd. I still feel that panic and uncertainty when starting to communicate with h again. But at a certain point, you have to pull up your big girl panties and figure out how you're going to handle your future ON YOUR OWN. And if you're not willing to help yourself, how do expect ppl here to help you?

I've only recently started reading your sitch but your neediness is like a vacuum here and I can't imagine how overwhelming it is for your H in real life. I'm not trying to wield a 2x4 here but you've received pages and pages of good people trying to help and you haven't even finished the book?

Because in reality, this is only one book that's the BEGINNING of your journey. There's a whole library after that can teach you about true communication with your spouse and love. And it is d*mn heartbreaking to think that after learning everything you've learned there is the most likely reality that you'll never be able to share it with your spouse! But this is the real life we are living!

It's time to face the reality of your situation and figure out how you're going to live from now on. If you put half as much effort into improving your outlook and being your best as you do spinning nervous energy, it'd at least be progress in the right direction.

[makingmagic]

i guess this was missed... need to know, because it was a 180 for me to stand up for myself, and not chase to make sure he understood. I am trying not to care if he is mad at me or not over it too.... beginning of detachment (hope so)

//ok.. hows this for 180?.. (gosh, so hard to do). Earlier today h, ignored some of my calls and leaving an important business decision in the air, he eventually texted his request. So, 2 hours later a similar situation happened... I ignored his calls/texts, and texted my request. Now, hours later, rec'd a text message from h, that a client is showing up (unexpectedly) suggesting I drop everything and meet client with him. Normally, this is fine... but, I haven't showered and cannot possibly be "on call" because he expects me too. I ALWAYS contact him first to see if a client time is suitable for him. He doesn't give me the same respect. My D knows this and suggested that I text back "too short of notice for me. I can't make it this time. good luck. keep me posted!"

Well? This is me showing some boundaries and asking for respect in return. Did I do it right? (sure feels funny, me not jumping to his demands)//