Tomorrow night the babysitter will come pick up the kids at 7. I am working late. Please pack their scooters We are going to my sisters
Xhusband
This email sent me right back to Sunday and feelings of anger with regard to ow. So now are they gonna spend this weekend at his sisters acting like a family pretending this is no big deal!
So I took some time and write
Please stop calling me B I am not your friend (it has bothered me for a long time that he uses a nick name when referring to me. I am glad I said something) The girls can stay with me over night since you will be at work. I will pack the scooters.
He writes
Bklynmom
I wiill pick them up Saturday morning
Why are you so mad at me. Please explain.
... I really think he has no idea. So clueless. How to I even begin to reply
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Yeah I wouldn't reply either. Keep thinking of this as a business no feelings needed. Keep all communications short and to the point. Was going to say short and sweet but no sweetness for that a@@
I agree...there is no need for a response back to him. He's clueless and whatever you were to say to him would go in one ear and out of the other. Allow him to stew in his own juices for a while...
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think its really interesting that you all agree no response necessary. I think not responding is passive aggressive and that even if its just for my own statisfaction I reply something like,
"Generally I am not friends with people that hurt my kids"
"I am mad at you because you think its acceptable to have your girlfriend accompany you with our children to events where that is inappropriate"
"You make me angry because you have no awareness of my feelings. That having your girlfriend attend an event instead of the kids mother is heartbreaking"
"You continually break my heart because although our girls find your girlfriend nice, they constantly ask me why mommy couldnt come."
"you haven't earned my friendship"
"FU you clueless MFer"
..
On another note. I read a funny story the other day about Mark Sanford, former governor of South Carolina, who resigned a few years ago after running off to Argentina with OW.
Apparently he is running for a Senate seat in his home state and asked his exW, who was his campaign manager while they were married, if she would run his current campaign, he added that of course this time he would pay her.
Clueless!
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Sometimes reading your posts are hard, because they hit so close to home for me. It's hurts to read, and it's not even being done to me!
Our H's hurting us is one thing... But when things involve the children, that is when the claws come out.
Our sitch's are different in the fact that my H continues to keep OW a secret, doing everything possible to hide their A. Yours apparently is out in the open. Both are so F-ing disrespectful to us and our M's and families that it makes me sick.
The OW was a friend of mine, held my children as babies. Now she secretly buys them gifts (like I don't know!) and H send her pics and videos of them on his phone. She does have children of her own.
No matter what, these OW will NEVER be a mother to OUR children. They are all about fun times and living a fantasy. Raising children is anything but.
I understand how you want to give some response to the email. But the choices you have written all show how hurt you are, and he damn well doesn't deserve to be privy to those thoughts and feelings.
I know you feel it would give you some satisfaction, but I think it would be short lived. Don't give him the satisfaction of seeing that he affects you.
Let him worry over what you are thinking for a change.
Take care girl, we are here for you
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
B, please dont write him. He is hearing, "blah, blah, blah, there goes B again."
I'm sorry, but, he doesnt hear you. You will just be spinning your wheels. I know you hope that something you say is going to get to him, but, it isnt.
You answered him. He doesnt deserve an answer from you. And the fact that he cant figure out why you are upset just shows you how far into the tunnel he is.
You do what you need to do for you and your kids. To heck with him.
I spent 18 months being silent as he walked all over me.
I spent 18 months taking the blame for everything.
I am not answering him for him I am going to answer him for me and my children.
"First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Socialist. Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Trade Unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak for me."
Nothing I say or don't say will bring my H any closer to being part of my family. Being silent is passive aggresively punishing him and also hurting my mental state.
I will answer at some point, not for him but for me
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I like the last one. Hahahah! You know, I get why you want to reply. Me, I don't care anymore, and that's a great place to be. But, my kids are all grown up, so I get your anger. Young children don't get the nuances of "daddy's female friend" and why "mommy doesn't accompany them" as long as OW is nice to them, then things seem to go alright. If they come across something more, well, who knows what will happen.
Again, I get your feeling of wanting to protect them from this situation that is "daddy" and OW induced.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
