I suppose I could say that I took a shower, got dressed and brushed my teeth. Some days that is the best I can do. But I was actually very productive today. The weather was nice so I was able to work outside on a couple of projects that I had started a while back.
It's supposed to snow big tomorrow. I hope the meeting doesn't get canceled. I'm looking forward to it.
No meeting. No school today, either. This town shuts down when it gets more than an inch. Next week is Easter, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to do that one either. Darn the luck. I'm not giving up, though.
I ordered a new book, "The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation" by Melody Beattie, since I won't be able to make a meeting for probably 2 weeks now (Easter). It sounds like an updated version of her first book. With her first book, the whole concept was new and she's refined it since. I figure it can't hurt.
On a different note (or maybe not,) one thing I'm realizing that I really struggle with is regret. It's not guilt, because it's not things that I did that hurt someone else. Just poor decisions that I regret, that I feel like I should have known better and been smarter. Or situations that I got myself into because I was trusting or faithful or naive. I don't think it's a problem with forgiveness, because I've made a ton of mistakes that I've forgiven/forgotten. These are ones that don't go away, like not going to school 30 years ago and having to do it now. Or worse, regretting M'ing my H in the first place. Even if I D'd him now, it wouldn't turn back the clock or erase my memories or give me a do-over. But I can see the appeal for the WAS -- leaving is the closest thing I can imagine to a "fresh start."
So can anyone suggest a book on resolving regret? I think about people (Leonard Little comes to mind) that drink and drive and kill someone, then go and drink and drive again. How are they not buried in regret? AND guilt! I don't want to kill my conscience, I just want to be able to live my life and make decisions without living in fear of what I might do that I'll regret for the rest of my life.
I don't think there's a way to get through life without regrets. I have some very big ones that try to pull me down sometimes; not staying in school and becoming a doctor is one of my biggest. I know I would have loved it and would have been good at it. When I see surgeons on tv or in hospitals, I feel this deep wave of sadness and longing.
CV, you sound so depressed. Have you spoken to your doctor about it?
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Well I can say at least that's one regret I don't have! LOL! I was never cut out for the medical field, knew it early on. I thank God some people are up for it because it certainly wasn't going to be me! I'm sorry that's a regret of yours. Good doctors are a real gift.
Depressed, possibly. More just numb, I think. Maybe it's the same thing. I have talked to my doctor. Got a full physical; no issues. He prescribed some Wellbutrin but it didn't seem to do anything for me. I feel like I need something more life-applicable, rather than drugging myself through it. And I sure don't need the suicide-inducing side-effects that some of the A/D's have.
I think I need Clarence to come and show me how bad my life would have been otherwise, and how I really do have a "wonderful life."
"Signs of Codependency Characteristics of codependency may include: Consistently focusing on [list] [*] others needs even at your own expense. Being unable to receive help from others; feeling uneasy when others focus their attention on you. An sense of self based entirely on being a "helper.” Much of your time and energy spent taking care of someone who abuses drugs or alcohol. Unable to be alone or not in an intimate relationship. Feeling responsible anytime someone close to you suffers. Seeming very competent on the outside but actually feeling quite needy, helpless, or numb. Having experienced abuse or emotional neglect as a child, or having grown up with an addicted or alcoholic parent or parent. Rarely expressing your true thoughts, needs or feelings because you fear they would displease others, and perhaps taking pride in this fact."
Some days that is the best I can do. But I was actually very productive today. The weather was nice so I was able to work outside on a couple of projects that I had started a while back.