He truly is lost. I am glad he brought this up so that he does get that he can't just come back in here like nothing is happening simply because we are having this baby. He wants to be able to be with me & our kids. He just may not be capable. Sad, but true.
I think that's probably one of the saddest things I've ever read...
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
The magical thinking comment is too cryptic? Or are you asking a question about something else?
Magical thinking-my wish will come true because I think it and have that power. Tallula's H thinks it's reasonable to come home and that be OK with everyone because that's what he wants.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Thanks, yeah, I didn't know to what you were referring as magical thinking and what you meant by that. So it's magical thinking because he said he thought he'd move back, instead of asking if it was ok for him to move back or saying he would like to move back. It's in the tone? I think it's ok and good to for WAH to bring up something he would like, and hear the response even if it's not-on-your-life or not-until-you're-not-cheating-on-me.
The alternative would be he reads T's mind and knows she's not going to agree to it so he stays put and doesn't bring it up, that's not healthy communication.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I havent posted for awhile but am still following you strong lady.
Maybe it is a positive that he is vocalizing what he wants instead of just assuming it is something you would/would not agree to to. It could be an opportunity to open up communication in a more honest way. Is this something your H would normally do? Vocalize what he is thinking/wanting?
Also, maybe for him, he really is looking at it as an alternative to you being alone with the new baby. I am not saying its a great solution, but it shows he is thinking about it??
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Been super busy with the kids, since H was out of town this weekend. But, he has also not been by to see them yet. Last night I got pretty upset by it. Plus, my friends were texting me videos of H climbing, zip lining, etc. Makes me sad. Makes me miss my friend. He said that too, in a conversation sunday night on his way back to town. That he really likes me again. The process, missing my friend. I don't get mad at myself anymore. I should be more worried if I wasn't missing him.
So when he called to say that he had to go to his grandma's to finish getting all her stuff out (has to be out by friday) and couldn't come by to see the kids, I was upset. He did say a buch about knowing I needed a break. Yeah, I've been with the kids by myself for a week and a half. I'm pregnant and S3 has been up half the night going on 4 days. But I don't say that. Why is that? I want to never complain. I had become a huge complainer to H. Instead of my partner, I just dumped my frustrations on him. But, I also need to not go the opposite direction. Something to think about.
It's
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
It's important for me to seem strong, project POM for him, but I should also be honest.
See, H took monday off. He could have spent the day cleaning out his grandma's place and then come over to see the kids when he said he would. Instead, he borrowed the snow shovel and went around shoveling people's driveways. It snowed a foot on sunday. Not ours, because I did that myself. But, he texted that he took our shovel, then some woman I don't know tagged him in a post on FB saying thanks for shoveling her driveway. I of course assume he did that for OW as well. So, I'm really upset about his priorities, but...not my deal. It is tricky to figure out how to approach the fact that his kids need more of his time. An hour and a half last week...so far we are on wednesday and they haven't seen him. They don't really ask about him much anymore. But, they act out in other ways. D2 still sobbing when I drop her off at school. S3 super clingy to any man who will give him attention.
Going to an ala-non meeting tonight, got a sitter. The kids stuff just kills me, because I know it upsets him...but these are his choices. Yea, go see your mistress before you see your kids. Nice.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Hi Tallula, can I ask why ala-non? I am not fully aware of all of your story.
As for your h's involvement in the kids, I understand that one. Although my D is 22, h says he wants to be involved in her life, but yet doesn't make the effort to make plans to be with her. This upsets me HUGELY and I have made the comments here & there to let him know that it does. As he calls/texts me often, he asks about her. I say "ask her" "talk to her", etc. I know his rel'p with her is upsetting to h. He says he wants to go for breakfast with her and doesnt. Yet, he goes for dinners/breakfasts with his friends, but not D. She is kind of avoiding him ATM because she is "giving him space" and want him to make the effort to bridge that gap. Staying out of it is soooo hard.
((HUGS)) wfm
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
